It's Wednesday, and the attack is back! It's the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! It's getting late in the fall, fans! We are down to the last 5 weeks! Our last show will be Wednesday, March 18th...followed by the season finale, MONSTERS OF WRESTLING I!!!
Also...Next week, you are all cordially invited to celebrate the nuptials of Sally Fingerle & Kurt Murphy, as they are joined together, in matrimony! Shine those boots & wrap that blender! Congratulations, kids!
Now, let's get to this week's action!...
First up is Knuck Finn VS Ray Parker Lewis Jr....Knuck took the rookie, Parker Lewis Jr., and showed him a thing or two about a thing or two, and when he was done, Ray had no one to call...he lost. Knuck Finn did the rookie in!
Winner: Knuck Finn
Our second bout features former World Champion, Kurt Murphy VS. Mick "Truck" Drivor. After losing the title, Murphy was looking to get on that road again...the path to the belt...but Old Truck is a road hog, and decided to jam a few gears, and try to run Kurt off the shoulder...but Kurt put the pedal to the medal and pushed that stinking garbage truck right over a cliff! And when they pulled Truck's body, from the twisted burning wreck...it looked like...THIS!
Winner: Kurt Murphy
This week, the ladies have a score to settle, as Serengeti Betty squares off with La Puta Negra! A little mud was slung this week on the forums, and let's just say that Betty doesn't have much regard for La Puta...We think the feeling is mutual! I'd make a lame joke about a cat fight here...but there is nothing funny about getting mauled by a tigress...and that's what these two ladies are...tigers! As the match begins, we see Carl Stonewall come down to ringside. La Puta sees him out of the corner of her beady little eyes, but stays in the fight. Carl doesn't seem to be here to interfere...he seems to be taking notes.
Betty & Laputa mix it up, and the the yeast starts to rise! This match is hotter than an oven! But it was Betty, who put the icing on the cake, with a chokeslam, and the pinfall!
Carl just laughed and shook his head, as he walked to the back, as a beaten La Puta lay crumpled at the feet of a celebrating Serengeti Betty.
Winner: Serengeti Betty
Up next is a special, "BUCKET Of SHIT" Match...Weirdbeard has returned from wrestling exhile, and was freed from his masked persona, and is now wreaking havoc on the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! He has challenged Cap'n Bitcheyes to this match. The loser has to...bob for "road apples" in a bucket of shit. The bucket sits here at ringside, as Weirdbeard awaits the entrance of...And here he comes! All decked out in a purple jumpsuit & cape, it's Cap'n Bitcheyes! He struts to the ring, with his beautiful ring valets in tow. They are handing out magazines to the crowd...copies of...Nugget magazine? Oh brother! "Black Beard The Cumquat, I been doin' some research for this match in the old "library", and you ain't gonna pull no "shit" over on the Cap'n! I'm gonna Cleaveland Steam-roll right ova' ya' bitch ass, mu'fucka'! But if ya' beat me, I'm a man of my word. I gotta prove that I'm a worthy dear old Dad for my little Janey! So, lets get this party started, -n-shit!"...
Weirdbeard goes nuts on the Cap'n, puttin' a whoopin' on him like nobody's business! I think this new Weirdbeard's a little hot under the collar, and not quite the cool cat that he seems to be! At the three minute mark, Weirdbeard gives a dazed Bitcheyes the "Close Shave", and rolls him up for a three count!
The referees bring the bucket in the ring and set it down in the center. 'Beard drags the Cap'n over, and plops his face right down in it! NASTY! The Cap'n starts to stir...he pulls his head up from the bucket...then plunges it back down in! he is grabbing handfuls of it's contents and rubbing it on his face and body, laughing deliriously! "Damn...this some good shit! Sweet...creamy...chocolate-ey!...-n-shit!". Weirdbeard grabs a scoop and sniffs it..."Hey! What happened to my "Honey Pot"? Who's been messin' with my natural selections?"!
Suddenly, a man appears at ringside, crawling over the security gate. "Listen up, Pusscakes. This is how it's gonna be. You wanna wrestle, you wrestle. You wanna go take a shit, you go grab a stall. That shit don't fly around here, buddy. You got me, you nasty son of a bitch. You may be wondering just who the fuck I am, and what the fuck I'm doing out here, so I'll tell you. The name's W.D. Forte'. You and me share something. We both wore masks at one time. You see, the W.D. stands for something else. The "Whirling Dervish"! I was gone, done, adios, over and out. But then I heard about this match, and I said, NO FREAKIN" WAY! So, shit stain, you wanna fight "dirty", you're gonna have to deal with the dealer, son, and I'm squeaky clean. You know what I'm sayin'? Now go take a bath, fleabag, before I come down there and fuck your shit up royal!"
Weirdbeard ran to the back, infuriated, as a pudding covered Cap'n ran over to Lil' Janey Deathless, and gave her a big pudding hug, covering the child in chocolate pudding! The Cap'n said, "Come on, give Dear ol' Dad a lil' smootch on the cheek, my lil' puddin' pop!". Just then, Koschei the Deathless, ran to ringside, and met the Cap'n in a fighting embrace! The two traded blows, rolling around, wrestling and fighting each other...in pudding...oh my...
Winner: Weirdbeard
Our next match, is for the Syndicate Tag Team Titles. Champions, Carl Stonewall & The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless defend this week against Rocky Sukiyaki & Koschei The Deathless. Stonewall & Lawless mix like oil & water, but these two bruisers just beat you up! Sukiyaki & Deathless just looked like chum next to the shark cage, as Stonewall & Lawless played a game of brutal one-upsmanship with each other, as to who could kick more ass, with Carl finally scoring the pin on Koschei The Deathless. Maybe he should stick with pudding wrestling...and Sukiyaki...yikes! More like Chop Suey!
Winners: Carl Stonewall & The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless
After the match, Carl and Lawless are in the corner celebrating and just trying to rile each other up, when...BAM! they were bushwhacked from behind by two men! Men with great hair...flair...debonaire...like two Fred Astaire's!...Tap dancing on the faces of the champions! It's THE SWEET-WINKLE CONNECTION! Sweet Randy Taylor & Winkin' Perry Lincoln! What are they doing here in The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate!? The Connection grabs Carl Stonewall, and Randy hoists him up on his shoulders, as Perry Lincoln climbs to the top, and delivers the Lincoln Log Clothesline from the top rope! They pull the official into the ring, and Randy covers Carl, as Winkin' Perry Lincoln tells the ref to count...1...2...3! Oh my god! We have new Syndicate Tag Team Champions! The Sweet-Winkle Connection! Did that just freakin' happen?!? Wow...we need more information on this!
We now come to the main event of the evening! Buck Trundle, the Intercontinational Champion, was named the true number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship last week, by Blackjack Billy, before Blackjack suffered a vicious beating at the hands of Ebeneezer Wheezleton, La Puta Negra, & Weirdbeard. We are told that Blackjack is still recovering, and we hope he will be back next week!
The World Heavyweight Champion, Somebody's Dad...invites the challenge! "Tiger-cub Trundle, Somebody's Dad is about to put Somebody's foot, right in your ass! Then he's gonna take Somebody's Heavyweight Title, and go drink one of Somebody's beers, then go home to Somebody's house, & put Somebody's feet up, on Somebody's ottoman, and read Somebody's paper after a hard days work. Are you next in line, Trundle, for a little "Tough Love"?"!
Buck, or "Tiger" Trundle, as he's calling himself these days, makes his way to ringside, to a chorus of boos & jeers. He just keeps smiling that evil grin, and waving old glory like he don't have a care in the world. Confidence...or arrogance? It's a fine line to walk, Mr. Trundle! He extends his hand in shake to a few fans and the ref...only to pull it away at the last second.
The Champ & The Champ lock up, and from there on out, it's a dizzying mix of scientific wrestling, and straight up brawling! What a match! Somebody's Dad tries to adjust the attitude of Buck Trundle, and keep him in line, but Old Glory just keeps waving, taking a piece out of Somebody's Ass! Tonight, the cat seems to be in the proverbial cradle for Somebody's Dad, as Buck Trundle take power of attorney over the old man's title, scoring the pinfall! 1-2-3! We have a new World Heavyweight Champion! Buck Trundle!
Buck grabs the microphone, and says, "TO A NICER GUY, IT COULDN'T A' HAPPENED!". Then he took Somebody's Dad's belt of him...and started to tan the old man's hyde, as refs pulled him away!
Winner: Buck Trundle
What a week! New World Champ...New Tag Champs...Unbelievable! Next week is already started it's eclipse! Next week, we will have the wedding of Kurt Murphy & Sally Fingerle! Also...since Buck Trundle is The new World Champion...he must vacate the Intercontinational Title!...and we all know what that means...TOURNAMENT!
Here's how it's going down, so PAY ATTENTION! The first 8 people to get on the boards, and say "I'm In!", will be seeded in the tournament! THERE ARE ONLY 8 SLOTS AVAILABLE! First come...first serve. Here's the other cool part...each victory that you gain in the tournament is worth 5 points...just like a regular match!
Also...there will be an open contract hanging on the door of Blackjack Billy's office...to face The World Heavyweight Champion! Whoever wants it, come get it! Now's your chance!
See you next week!
30 comments:
From the Quill-Tipped Pen of Ebeneezer Wheezleton...
Congratulations to Mr. Trundle. Surely this was a hard fought battle and you have proven your ---
Shut up, Wheezleton, just SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!!! There's a new sherr'f in town by the name a Buck "Tiger" Trundle! Ah'm the MAN! Ah'm the damn man 'round here and 'fore I have ta listen ta you spew one more little bit a yer bullcrap 'bout who the true champ is, Ah'ma gonna cut ya right the hell off.
Quit yer singin' and start the bringin. Ah know the Jack's got an open contract fer this here World's Title and Ah'm not one ta back down from any challenge. There's been a lot a controversy over this belt and who's the rightful owner. Ah aim to undispute any disputes - if'n the Board n' ol' Blackjack see fit, Ah'd like to put the belt on the line 'gainst that Puta lady. Shut her and her old man right the fuck up and silence the damn critics like that Henderson Peavy asshole.
There's only ONE World's Champion and his name is ME - Buck Trundle!
*ahem*
Considering the fact that only one person holds a victory over Mr. Trundle and that same person recently scored a victory over La Puta Negra, I'd like to nominate Serengetti Betty to get a shot at that World's Championship. I think SHE is the true #1 contender.
I'm here, you're queer, we're used to it. Blackbeard, now you know what's up. All you other superstars can get in line for a taste. W.D. Forte' is about to break things loose in this league. Play time is over, ladies & gentlemen. Who wants some of this? I didn't think so, pusscakes.
Hey everybody - check out my latest blog post! And be sure to click on all the links for extra info!
Oh I sure would love a shot at the World Championship belt, again!
Ebby how about it?
Hey daddy-o's and nasty hoes! It's Tyler Van Leppard and Jack Halen - the Rock n' Roll Foundation!
We've been rockin and rollin 'round this big ol' world plying our trade and laying a foundation for greatness and that path has led us directly here!
Carl and Buck - we're sorry 'bout your luck! But your bad fortune will lead to success for us! We've beaten all the great teams in the world of fantasy pro rasslin' except one - the biggest of the bunch! Sweet/Winkles, we followed you here and now WE aim to cement our roles as the greatest tag team of them ALL, baby! OOOOOHHHH YEAH! Give us a shot at those titles and let us rock and roll all over their faces!
Weeeeeeelll SHIT! Ah reckon Ah plum forgot all 'bout ya, Betty! Been so long since we fought n' seein as how Ah trounced ya so bad.
But yer right honey. You got a victry over ol Buck n' that ain't easy ta do. Ah do recall sayin' Ah'd like to grapple with ya one more time ta set the record straight on who's the best. N' seein's how ya beat that nasty Puta lady... well, ol' Buck ain't quite as nice as he used ta be, but Ah'm always gonna have a special place n' my heart fer you, sugarplum.
Let's do it. The score is 1-1. This here's the rubber match... 'cept if you don't mind, ol' Buck likes ta ride bareback (wink).
hellz yes dudes a turnament would be sweet cuz like we would all be fighting each other but like getting all pins and stuff and it wouldbe like a rad wrestler party cuz sally and me are getting married and it would be like when at the kellermans wedding when charity threw the flowers for the bridemaids into marshas face all hard and the other girls got mad cuz they wnated them and the po po got called cuz the girls fighted over it and someone clocked granny kellerman in the head and now she walks with a walker and drools and stuff. yeah but like with wresling not bridesmaids and grannys!
oh wow i almost forget the imporant part!
IM IN MOFOS!!!!
Just be careful not to overexert yourself, baby! Don't forget, our wedding is NEXT WEEK!
Bareback? Why I wouldn't have it any other way! However seeing as that you've spent so much time with your dick in Kurt's mouth teaching him about being a...what's the word you use...? Man? You may want a little refresher before you try and tussle with a real woman. And seeing as that I'm the first real woman you've had its no suprize you've got a soft soft for me. That soft spot? Its called Erectile Disfunction. Strutting around in the ring won't fix that problem though. You'll need to see a doctor about that one, sugarplum.
I'll take part in said tourny. Why the hell not?
Well now, ain't you just a lil' firecracker... Hell missy, Ah've tamed plenty a fillies in my day and they've all had more spunk n' you can muster. Ah reckon you'll be a rough ride, but that's just the way Buck likes it. They don't call me "Tiger" Trundle fer nothin... and you got the tiger by the tail now, honey. Ah hope yer up fer it.
Again darling, a filly is a young female horse. I am talking about a female person. Now now I know you were raised to fuck livestock like a real man fucks a woman, but we have just GOT to get you past this beastiality crutch of yours.
Bitch, Ah'm gon' fuck you up. Now Ah'm serious here - Ah been workin' hard comin' up with alla these sexul entendres and whatnot, but ya just don't seem ta catch mah drift.
Ah ain't fuckin' horses and Ah ain't fucking sheep... what Ah am doin' is fucking you right the fuck up. Ah'm talkin' bout breakin' yer little finger n' shit like that. Hurt'n ya bad. Real bad. Scarrin' yer mind n' such. Messin' with ya, real scary-like. Ya ain't gonna be the same afterwards.
You tried that earlier, remember? After I beat you and won the belt you tried breaking me like you'd break a...oh wait, those cattle humping references hurt your feelings...anyway...You already tried that PAIN tactic and it didn't work. Remember darling, this season I've been beaten, bloodied, dressed in a burka and set on fire. You're going to need to be a little more creative if you want to scare, scar, or damage me.
But if you want to role play boogy man and act all spoooooky, I'll be the slutty babysitter home all alone late at night
What. The. FUCK?!?!
So we successfully defend our tag titles only to have Blackjack's boytoys run in and win the belts?!?! Do they even have contracts? I thought we were on the same page here, Jack? What the fuck?
So these rollerderby queers come in requesting a tag title shot... fine, whatever. Me n' Lawless - we don't like each other, but we're a damn fine team and can't nobody argue that! We'll let you nancys fight it out and get our rematch in due time. I've got other things on my mind anyway.
Five weeks left in the season. Five weeks left until Carl retires. There's only one belt in this fed I haven't won and that's the Intercontinational. Since there's a tournament, I guess I'll throw my hat in the ring and bust a few heads and win myself another belt.
I'm in homos!
You sure are "in homos", seven days a week, faggot!
Betty, you beat me fair an square and I be congratulatin' you, I'm sure yo white privelege had nothin' ta do wid it neither. Did you know that white women be the biggest group benefitin' from affirmative action? So you aight.
An Carl, actin' all badass at ringside, but I know the reason why he be shakin' he head. It cuz every time he see me he reminded o his shame. An I ain't just talkin' bout my victories, I'm talkin' about that shame in he pants. That lil tiny monkey face peekin' out the jungle he call a dick. It be like one them tiny thumb sized monkeys that so cute but really jus useless.
I'm up in this bullshit, La Puta need ta be gettin' some points up in here that don have ta do wit how fuckin' brilliant she is.
Na, my only two losses came from the great Buck Trundle, an his lil Jungle Bitch who laid him out. Way I see it, though La Puta be shamed she still up at tha top! But we see... We see...
Oh yeah, I'm in, bitches.
Hey guys,
Wow, what an eventful show! I can't believe the Sweet Winkle Connection showed up, but maybe they'll inject some much needed excitement into the tag ranks. And now the Rock n' Roll Foundation? That's my favorite team!
Congratulations go out to Buck Trundle! As an old school fan, I appreciate your old school style. Well done, buddy. And I'm really excited to see if Serengetti Betty can beat you next week!
Hey, I have a suggestion: Since Carl Stonewall and La Puta Negra are both in the tournament and they want to fight each other so bad, why not put them against each other in the first round?
thanks guys,
Dan Browning
Please Dan, La Puta vs. Stonewall in the first match? You have no sense of drama. A match like that, a season in the running, and you want to get it out of the way first? Booooo!!! Go back to watching Blossom reruns.
Thats fuckin BullSHIT!!! The SweetTinkles suck FlapJack Billy's little cock, run into an unscheduled match, Pin the old Doychebag Carla, and slink away with our titles? Fuck that! There was no contract for that match and as far as I am concerned We are still the Tag Champs. StoneBalls, we dont much care for each other and we have beat the shit out of one another, and probably will do so again, but all these lil Bitches know couldnt nobody beat Us in a fair fight. So if the "powers that Be" decide that they are the champs, we will get them back soon. So for this week I am in. Looks like I need a belt in the meantime so the InterContiNational belt will look pretty good aroun my waist.
I'm confused. Are we challenging for belts? What the fuck is goin' on here? Uh, I guess I want to challenge for a belt but I'm too lazy ta wade through all this bullshit. Is there any belts up for grabs? What the fuck is happenin?
Congratulations Kurt. Hope you and your little Lot-Lizard are very happy together. I may have hit a little speed bump, but i am back rolling now. The only way I know how to get back to the top is to get back on the road! So the Intercontinational Title tourney, I Am In! One more time on my daily grind, time to get on my way, I just got out of bed and my Truck's been retread, I'll haul this load on its way, I slam my P.B. in low, she's gearin to goThe miles they are so long, They Got bears in the air, Hell I just dont Care cuz I'll keep truckin' on...
I'm in! I'm in! Is it too late???
Did Mick "Truck" Drivor just say he "jams his P.B. in low"? Heh heh... I bet you do.
The meek ain't gonna inherit shit! Cuz I'm gonna take it!
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