Welcome to Frontier Justice...brought to you by the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! A darkness has fell over the arena, and a low rumble of thunder is heard...As the lights come up...It isn't thunder at all! It's the heavy metal stylings of Judas Priest, performing their song, and the anthem of the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate, "Delivering The Goods"!Tonight we will see the first ever Intercontinational Champion crowned, in a very special tournament...Frontier Anarchy Style! The first round consists of 6 straight up, knuckle down matches. The 6 victors will then be placed into the F.A.G.S.5000 Computation Apparatus, and 2 wrestlers names will be selected. Those 2 wrestlers will receive a bye into the next round. The remaining 4 will be paired off for a round of ladder matches! The 2 victors of the ladder matches, will then face the 2 competitors who received byes in the last round, in a "loser rides a donkey out of the arena" match! The 2 remaining gladiators will then face off in a steel cage match!
The winner of the rage in the cage, will be the new INTERCONTINATIONAL CHAMPION!
The winner of the rage in the cage, will be the new INTERCONTINATIONAL CHAMPION!
Tonight, we will also see who is truly the man on the World Title scene. Will the young lion, King Kong Glory retain his championship gold, or will the old war horse, Carl Stonewall, ride to victory one last time? Let's go to the ring!
Our fi
rst match will be Koschei The Deathless VS The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawl
ess.
rst match will be Koschei The Deathless VS The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless.Koschei made his way to the ring with his daughter in tow. When he got to ringside, he lifted her over the rail, and kissed her forehead. "Be a good girl, and watch Daddy kick some tail, sweetheart", he said and told the peanut vendor to get his little girl a sack of nuts, A.S.A.P. Then Buck Lawless hit the ring. We haven't heard much from this wrestler yet, but we know he is hunting for a championship belt. In the end, though, Koschei The Deathless was the one who put a price on Old Buck's head...and it was $1.50. That was about about all it was worth after he caved it in with a vicious powerbomb.
Winner @ 11:27 - Koschei The Deathless
Next up, She may be from the African Plains, but she's no plain Jane, that's for sure! It's Serengeti Betty VS. The Whirling Dervish! This Dervish Kid has speed, and some moves that will leave you dizzy! This match was full of hair pulling, eye scratching, bitch slapping, and kicks to the crotch...man, that Dervish sure fights like a girl! Seriously though, this was a bloody war. Betty fought with everything she had, but in the end, The Whirling Dervish put his own spin on things, and hijacked a victory like he was a Somalia pirate, with a Dervy Driver. Better luck next time, BettyWinner @ 13:49 - The Whirling Dervish
Match 3 features Rocky Sukiyaki VS. Captain Bitcheyes. The Cap'n was led to the ring by 3 beautiful ladies in leading three peacocks on leashes! What a showboat! The bell rang, and these two WENT AT IT! Towards the end of the match, Rocky was putting the screws to Bitcheyes, when one of the Captain's ladies jumped up onto the apron. As Rocky grabbed her by the hair, the Cap'n reached out to one of his other ladies, who handed him one of the studded collars that were around the peacock's necks. Before Rocky realized what was happening, Bitcheyes cold-cocked him right between the eye sockets, sending him to the canvas! 3 seconds later, and that was all she wrote!Winner @ 13:49 - Cap'n Bitcheyes
Our next bout features Somebody's Dad VS. Buck Trundle
Buck Trundle came to the ring shaking everyone's ha
nd. what a nice guy! He shook all the fans hands on the ramp, the timekeeper's hands, the announcer's, the ring girl's, the referee's...everyone! 22 minutes later, the match was underway. Somebody's dad definitely taught Buck some discipline and manners, but in the end, the cat was in the cradle, and Buck Trundle cradled Somebody's dad for the pinfall. After the match, Buck shook hands with somebody's dad...then the ref, the timekeeper, the ring girls, the announcers, the fans, the camera man, and everyone else on the way back to the locker room. What a gentleman.
Buck Trundle came to the ring shaking everyone's ha
nd. what a nice guy! He shook all the fans hands on the ramp, the timekeeper's hands, the announcer's, the ring girl's, the referee's...everyone! 22 minutes later, the match was underway. Somebody's dad definitely taught Buck some discipline and manners, but in the end, the cat was in the cradle, and Buck Trundle cradled Somebody's dad for the pinfall. After the match, Buck shook hands with somebody's dad...then the ref, the timekeeper, the ring girls, the announcers, the fans, the camera man, and everyone else on the way back to the locker room. What a gentleman.Winner@ 17:36 - Buck Trundle
Our
fifth match will be Mick "Truck" Drivor VS. Blackpube The Pirate
Blackpube came to the ring with some sort of gunny sack, labeled "Brown Booty". Hmmm, it must be his treasure or something. Anyways, These two knocked the snot out of each other. Eventually, Blackpube incapacitated Mick, and grabbed for his sack of treasure. After setting up a table, he dumped the sack out on the top...what is that? It smells like fishheads and old cheese, mixed with 10w30 motor oil, burned up in an old 350 chevy motor! Oh disgusting! It's a sack of turds! Well after Blackpube powerbombed him through that table, he pinned Mick "Truck" Drivor. That's nasty...You nasty, bay-baaaayyy!
fifth match will be Mick "Truck" Drivor VS. Blackpube The Pirate
Blackpube came to the ring with some sort of gunny sack, labeled "Brown Booty". Hmmm, it must be his treasure or something. Anyways, These two knocked the snot out of each other. Eventually, Blackpube incapacitated Mick, and grabbed for his sack of treasure. After setting up a table, he dumped the sack out on the top...what is that? It smells like fishheads and old cheese, mixed with 10w30 motor oil, burned up in an old 350 chevy motor! Oh disgusting! It's a sack of turds! Well after Blackpube powerbombed him through that table, he pinned Mick "Truck" Drivor. That's nasty...You nasty, bay-baaaayyy!
Winner @ 12:42 - Blackpube The Pirate
Our f
inal match of round one features Knuck Finn VS. Kurt Murphy
inal match of round one features Knuck Finn VS. Kurt MurphyKnuck Finn came to the ring with a fiddle case. He said, "If I ..scratch that...WHEN I murdalize this little scruff, I'm gonna dance me a jig around his lifeless body, then I'm gonna smash him with this fiddle, right in the face!" . It looked like that would be the case, as Knuck pummeled Kurt with those ham-like fists and swift kicks. After a body slam, knuck went to the corner to apply a flying body splash, when Murphy popped up, and grabbed the back of his tights! He rolled him up in a reverse small package, and scored a victory! Knuck was dumbfounded, and was getting in the ref's face, when Kurt slipped out, grabbed a guitar from under the ring, and smashed it over the head of Knuck Finn, leaving him bloody and dazed! " That guitar was autographed by Tom Morello, gramps! You 
owe me some dough! And for everyone else out there, FUCK YOU, I WON"T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME! I'm Killing In The Name Of...Kurt Murphy, Bitch! KURT MURPHY KICKS ASS!".
owe me some dough! And for everyone else out there, FUCK YOU, I WON"T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME! I'm Killing In The Name Of...Kurt Murphy, Bitch! KURT MURPHY KICKS ASS!".Winner @ 11:31 - Kurt Murphy
ROUND 2
General Blackdour Hussien Jackbar is seen backstage firing up the F.A.G.S5000 Computation Apparatus, to determined which to wrestlers receive byes into the next round. Those Two wrestlers are:
Buck Trundle and The Whirling Dervish!
And now, the ladder matches please, Apparatus...
Captain Bitcheyes VS. Kurt Murphy!
and
Koschei The Deathless VS. Blackpube The Pirate!
During the first ladder match, the Captain and Kurt Murphy are locked in a death struggle! They have two ladders set up in the ring, and both want to climb up and retrieve the sack of doorknobs attached the the ceiling! as they battle, Bitcheyes rakes the eyes of Kurt, blinding him. While he in incapacitated, Bitcheyes reaches into his tights, and brings out an old sock covered in Vaseline! Is that a red hair on the end of that sock?....nevermind! The Cap'n uses the sock to coat the steps of Kurt's ladder, making them two slick for him to climb! As The Captain scurries up his ladder, a partially blind Kurt Murphy falls to the mat! Bitcheyes Wins! After he retrieves the sack of door knobs, he begins to go to work on a battered Kurt Murphy! Oh the humanity! The Captain leaves him, a red hunk of pulp on the canvas!
Winner @ 15:01 - Captain Bitcheyes
In the second match up, Koschei and Blackpube duke it out to advance. Koschei The Deathless puts Blackpube down and starts to go for the ladder, when he notices a frown on the sweet face of his daughter at ringside. "What's wrong, pumpkin pie? Oh, you want some cotton candy? VENDOR! Get this little angel some cotton candy!". Just then...BAM! Blackpube smashes the big man with the ladder! After putting Koschei down, Blackpube set the ladder back up, and climbed into the next round!
ROUND 3
Two donkeys sit, hitched to the railing, waiting for the losers of our next 2 matches. The Losers must ride a donkey out of the arena!
First up is Captain Bitcheyes VS. Buck Trundle. After shaking everyone else's hand...again...Buck offers a hand to his competitor, The Captain. It's met with the Captains hand...slapping Trundle in the face! The two battle from pillar to post, in some hot rasslin' action! As Buck finally looks to finish off the Bitcheyes, the Captain reaches out his hand to Buck Trundle. As Buck, thinking that he may have actually found some sportsmanship in Bitcheyes, grasps his hand in a firm shake, The Captain tosses powder into the eyes of Trundle, and DDT's him through the mat! Bitcheyes wins! After the pinfall, Bitcheyes laughs a little "heh-heh", and mockingly shakes the hand of a laid out Buck Trundle! What an asshole! Trundle is strapped to the back of an ass, and lead out of the building.
Winner @ 11:09 - Captain Bitcheyes
Blackpube and The Whirling Dervish waste no time getting started, as they meet each other coming out of the back and brawl all the way to the ring. It looks like something out of a Popeye-Bluto fight! In the end, the pirate's ship sails, and The Whirling Dervish wrestles circles around him, getting the pin! Blackpube is strapped unwillingly to the ass by security...and with a smack on the ass of the ass, he goes galloping out of the building! HEEEE-HAAAAWWW!
Winner @ 10:59 - The Whirling Dervish
THE FINALS! Captain Bitcheyes VS. The Whirling Dervish...IN A STEEL CAGE!
Right from the start, as The Dervs was attacked by The Cap'n! He could barely get in the door! Bitcheyes was slamming it on his face, beating and kicking The Whirling Dervish! He didn't have a chance! As he laid in the corner, The Captain pulled out a pair of handcuffs and shackled The Dervs to the cage! At 1:01 second into the match, The Captain climbed the cage, and escaped to victory, becoming THE NEW INTERCONTINATIONAL CHAMPION!
From the back, the peacock ladies brought down an egyptian style throne. The Captain climbed on, and had his ladies carry him to the dressing room, all the while proclaiming that he was the greatest Champ-een of all time.
And now...the main event of the evening! This match is for The Worlds Heavy
weight Championship. King Kong Glory shocked the world when he won the title, and hasn't taken a back step since. Carl Stonewall was living a life of leisure, happily retired. Enter The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! It's like the old saying goes, "this town ain't big enough for the both of us! Words were said, and unpleasantries were exchanged...and now...it will be settled in the ring! Will it be experience or guts? Iron toughness or steel reserve? As they waited for the bell, these two gladiators just leaned in their corner and stared each other down. When the bell rang, they circled each other, like two sharks! And then the fur started flying! Glory threw all he could at Stonewall...and Stonewall took it all and gave it right back! He was fighting like a man posessed! And then came the suplexes! Carl-Plex! Carl-Bomb! Carl-Plex! Carl-Bomb! Glory was limp and reeling! Then, Carl grabbed the belt from ringside, laid it down in the middle of the ring, and then spinning Carl-plexed King Kong Glory right down onto the 12 pounds of gold! 1! 2! 3!We have a new World Champion! Carl Stonewall! Winner @ 3:14 - Carl Stonewall
After the bell, Carl put the boots to Glory and kicked him out of the ring, pushing him out under the bottom rope. With the title held high above his head, he celebrated in the ring to the cheers of the fans. 
We hope you enjoyed Frontier Justice, and be sure to catch all the action of the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate every Wednesday night
67 comments:
Hokey boom boom smokings!!! Disappointment not to be bringing around this stuffings!!! Bitcheyes #1! Bitcheyes #1! Bitcheyes #1! All big mouths having been boom boom knock out eating mecha dong!!! Ha ha King Kong Glory!!! You so OUT!!!
Hey Glory... nice try kid.
You didn't even make it FIVE MINUTES in the ring with the champ. And here I was praisin' you like you was a chip off the old block. What a joke.
You know, I was sittin' back not too long ago, talkin' bout the old days... how time slips away and leaves you with nothin' but boring stories of the glory days.
WELL THE GLORY DAYS ARE RIGHT GODDAMN NOW! Carl's back on top for the 2008-2009 Retirement Tour! And I'm gonna tell you what... it's gonna go on UNTIL THE END OF TIME! Yeah, baby!
Glory... I'd love to say that you did good. That you made your momma proud. But the fact is, you're a fucking joke and a goddamn embarrasment to the title and most of all, an A-#1 CALIFORNIA FAGGOT!
Well, shoot.
Can't say I'm happy bout what happ'nd, but I can't say I'm not proud a what ah done. I fought hard, beat Somebody's Dad and if'n that Cap'n fella wouldn'ta cheated... well, you might be talkin' to the Intercontinational Champ right here.
But I ain't and I'm not the type ta cry 'ver spilled milk neither. I'ma just a-gonna keep on keepin' on and make mah way up to the top a that ladder a success and win that there big gold belt.
So I'll tells ya what. I know I ain't in the runnin' for no Intercontinashunal belt and that right there is fine. I don't deserve it noways. But if'n a man like mahself's gonna make a mark in this here rasslin league, he's gotta start at the bottom and make his way to the top.
King Kong Glory. I knowed you as a tough son-of-a-gun and I thought you'd do better than ya did, but ya turned out to be a whole lot less'n what ev'body 'spected. I figure if I gotta start out at the bottom, that must be you, so if the Board will allow it, I'd like for the two of us to lock horns and go toe-to-toe in the ring next Wednesday.
Let's get it on!
Whoo... I obviously misjudged how many Ambientini's I could get away with before stepping into the ring. But seriously, how can you deny that heavenly elixir? Is there anything vodka and Ambien don't make better? I guess they don't make a better title defense, that's for sure. Carl, enjoy your moment, you've earned it. My mistake was taking this defense too lightly. Well, not at all really.
I owe you one. Tex is gonna be so pissed at me when he gets back, no doubt about it. You got me on being a dumbass, Carl, and that's fair enough. As soon as my doctor clears me and my blood alcohol content...you should watch over your shoulder.
whoa, easy their Brad Springclean! Before you go getting too REO Speedwagon on us, Carl, you'd better keep your eye on the prize. Congrats...you dispatched King Kong Glory quite nicely, but next week...that belt is gonna be on the line. Against who? Well, that's still in the works, as they say. So say your prayers, take your vitamins, and train real hard....
Way to go, people! That was a great show!
And yes Glory, that is quite the cocktail. You should try it with a salted rim of crushed mini-thins...
To the Board of Directors... you know me. You've known me damn near half my life. We've fought together and against each other. We've ridden in tiny cars and shared tiny hotel rooms. You know me, and you damn well know that Carl Stonewall backs down from NO MAN! Bring it on, baby!
But if I could make one request of the Board... could you please send somebody who might put up a little challenge? Somebody who might put up a little fight? I have to admit, I honestly don't feel that I earned this belt beatin' a chump like King Kong Glory. That wasn't a match, that was a warm-up. I want some real competition.
Ho, Ho, Ho - it's Maaagic! An' Shiii-iii-iiit! Never believe it's not so!
To the bitches and hoes, the moneytakers and the bet-makers: I muthafuckin' DID IT! Just as I said I would.
Just like the glorious plumage of the peacock, the brilliance of the Cap'n is a many spleandored thing to be beholdin' n'shit!
Welcome to the Era of the Bitcheyes! Sukiyaki? Suck my cocky. Trundle? More like a bundle ... of tiny sticks. Or as they say in England, a muthafuckin' FAAAAAGGGG n' shit! Oh, who else was there? Did I beat Kurt Murphy? Shit, I'm so high on bein' the Cap'n, I can't even remember! I beat you aaaallll!!!!
Bring on the dancin' girls n' shit! Who wants to challenge the Cap'n for the greatest prize in the world?
Hey guys,
What a show! I'm really pleased with what I've seen so far, though I have to say, I don't like that Captain Bitcheyes. Hey, I've cheered for a heel or two in my day, but that guy is just a jerk!
King Kong Glory, I gotta say man, I'm saddened by your loss and how handily Stonewall defeated you, but maybe it's time to start being more humble? Who am I kidding? You couldn't be humble if you tried. Keep it up man. I'm no fairweather fan; I'll stick by you through and through.
Well, I've got to go. Great show guys. Keep up the good work and I'll be back next week and every week thereafter!
thanks,
Dan Browning
With all due respect to Mr. Trundle's request, I feel I have to interject here. Now that Mr. Glory is no longer the current holder of the sanctioned Heavyweight Championship Belt, his contract is with the FUCR league and his role here is legally finished. With his manager, Mr. Tex Brickley, still on holiday and unavailable for comment, it is unclear as to what Brickley Inc will allow Mr. Glory to participate in. We thank you all for your patience while the legal departments work this out.
So what yer sayin' is Glory's a goldarn sneaky yella-bellied chicken, huh?
Well, I ain't never been one fer no corp'rations or busn'sses, I just wanna rassle. If'n Glory's a'scared a me, well then that's his bus'ness, not mine. I don't wanna embarras nobody any more than they already been embarrased anyhow.
But Mama Trundle didn't raise me ta be no chicken. I'm a-fixin' ta fight and I'll fight anybody who wants ta fight.
Lessee, I already beat Somebody's Dad 'fore I took his daughter out back behind the woodshed and showed her what the Trundlebed was all 'bout. Who's next?
Well shoot! I plum forgot 'bout my ol' pal Knuckles Finnegan! Hey there, pardner, you got the pouch for it? Lets lace boots and throw some fisticuffs 'round!
Well, well, well. For all his bragging and boasting, Ping Pong Snorey turned out to be exactly what I said he was, A fluke! A paper champ! A goddamn California faggot.
Go ahead and cry your tears and make your excuses, Glory. From now until the end of time, you have to live with the knowledge that not only did you get beat by an over the hill retired old crippled washed up loser, but that Rick Turpin called it! Now you cant go cruising the gay bars and picking up men with your traditonal line of "Hey, I'm the World's Champ, do you want to put your penis in either my mouth or my ass?" because now your not the champ! Now you have to rely simply on your cocksuckery, which I'm sure you are quite adept at.
And then to top it all off, you run away from ANOTHER old man. That's Buck Trundle. And you don't even just run away, you have your business partners do it for you. You suck, you fucking California faggot fluke champ!
TURPS RULES!
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!!
Oh yeah and you didn't even last FIVE minutes. I guess your boyfriends are used to that though.
Well shit, I guess I leart ma lessin good. Kurt, I gots ta hand it to ya, ya beat me, not as clean as I'd like but I've never been one to claim cheatin' on a roll a quarters in a fist or a nice lead sap inna back pocket.
Trundle, I got a pickup truck fulla angry and embarrassment that I'ma lookin' forward to backin' up over your ass!
Hey! I'm one-and-one! That's 50% and almost half way to one hundred and ten percent, which is what I gave! Blackpube, I congratulate you! Well done! But next time I'll not be so trusting, that's for sure!
I think I might need a chaperone for my daughter though, anyone have any references for an au pair at ringside for my little angel! I need someone I can trust so this little mishap doesn't ever happen again! Next time!
I think I'll take a swing at that young turk Kurt Murphy next week, that'll sure be swell!
Don't hate on me because I'm valuable, such is my curse. Legal is working on this but what it's really going to come down to is compensation. Y'see, whether I win or lose is unimportant. The people dig me and the people pay the bills around these things. I don't want to go into the contractual/technical jargon, not because I find it uninteresting, but because I think most of you humps are too ignorant to understand it anyway. Needless to say, if I do come back for any more matches in this league, there's gonna be asses in those seats and dollars being spent at the merch tables. Sorry not all of you have that kind of draw, but that's why I'm The King...
Ricky,
You've got to let this "California Faggot" thing go. I'm sorry, but I've gotta live MY life! Your Uncle Barry still loves you, and always will. I know that my sister/your mother has poisoned your impressionable young mind, but she's wrong. Remember when you were little, and we used to make root beer floats and watch your Uncle Barry's matches on the VCR? I cherish those memories. I want my little buddy back.
I'm gonna make it my mission to show you that you can be one tough cocksucker, while still being a "cocksucker". When it comes down to it, the real meaning of gay is "happy". Let's get back to being happy. Let the anger go, little man. Your Uncle Barry loves you!
You seeing? You seeing the difference in man around when comparing to my beloved?
This league should be being overbending to begs King Kong Glory for more matches!
Easy there baby, Tex has my contract and Tex has all the options regardless of if I want to step in the ring or not. He'll know what to do.
Dear Mr. Glory...
I'm glad that you fashion yourself as some sort of bar room lawyer, but let us break it down like this. WE OWN YOUR ASS! When FUCR shuttered its doors and windows, we purchased exclusive rights to ALL of their contracts...just ask our new talent scout, MR. EBENEEZER WHEEZLETON! As far as compensation goes, we will find a sum that is suitable. So, don't just hang up those tights just yet...you may be fighting again soon...real soon...
Next weeks matches so far...
Koschei The Deathless
VS.
Kurt Murphy
Buck Trundle
VS.
Knuck Finn
Dear Board of Directors,
yer talking to the wrong person! This fucking league doesn't know a goddamn thing about a GODDAMN THING! Yer fucking season hasn't even done jack shit and yer already slopping it up all over the place, as evidenced by the humongous gap on the page between the results and the posts! Hell, I have to admit it. I was gonna go with a "gap" burn, but really...this page setup is the biggest joke all on it's own. It's called "Fine Print" and my contract with FUCR and my stable is as solid as the cemented semen pileup in Sally Fingerle's colon. At this point, now that he doesn't have any responsibility in regards to defending a championship; with FUCR shutting it's doors my boy is in the free and clear per page 682 of his contract. Y'see, there's a reason I have over 1500 pages in a contract and there's a reason you put little clauses that free you and you talent up on page 682...most people tend not to check.
Quit talking King Kong Glory down like the Goddamn amateur league yer acting like. This ain't up to him, it's up to me and this should never have been aired on public boards!
You fuck wits have got my number, you call me up and we'll see if I think it's in his interest. From the ass beating he took against that fucking dinosaur Stonewall, I'd say he really doesn't deserve to be in the ring AT ALL! AT ALL, GLORY! YOU FUCKING SPOILED KNOW IT ALL LAZY ASS COCKSUCKER! I'M ON VACATION...NOT YOU!!! WHAT THE FUCK?! I CAN'T EVEN GO ON A TRIP WITHOUT YOU FUCKING THIS WHOLE THING UP?! WHAT THE FUCK?!
Wow kid, you lost the championship in a pre-season match?
Ouch.
I don't think I've even come close to pissing Tex off as much as this. Have fun with that.
You can duck me next week, Glory - but ya can't duck me forever. I'll catch up with ya sooner r later and we'll tussle and you'll see who comes out on top, ya big ol' chicken!
Finn, I gots nuthin' more ta say to ya. Let's do it.
Bitch Eyes! I should have known a dog such as yourself could not face me honorably and without help from someone else! The lesson is not only mine to learn, for I will never underestimate the lowliness of American wrestlers again, but there will be a lesson for you to learn as well. When will I be assigned a rematch? How soon will the league let me demand satisfaction by righting this blasphemy? I will face you as quickly as I am allowed, Bitch Dog! You have played me well, but I spit on your lack of integrity and your utter shamelessness!
Rocky...ask and ye shall receive...Next week,
Bitcheyes VS Sukiyaki...
For the Intercontinational Title!
ahhh...Tex Brickley. i thought I smelled your foul stench as soon as I was on board. You see, you dumb redneck bastard, you must have had too much spit flying through your gap teeth as you blathered on...it blurred the ink on page 782. Ask your lawyers, they'll explain it to you. It basically says that you are fucked, my friend. So, next week, there will be a match booked for King Kong Glory...a handicap match...with Vandyke Strange & The Lemonaire! Now we are fair...if you can find a tag team partner, we will make it a tag match, but who will want to tag with Glory?...Our guess is no one.
Good Luck...
King Kong Glory lost to Stonewall and now he's ducking Buck Trundle?!?! Dude, those guys are OLD! I think they use those Jitterbug phones. You must really SUCK, Glory.
Awwww... poor little Glory needs a buddy, does he?
Tell ya what, kid. The way ol' Carl sees it, there ain't no #1 contender anyway. If the Board will be so kind as to give me a week off from defendin' this 10 pounds o' gold, I'll team up with ya and help ya out. You need all the help you can get.
It'll be like when I was a Big Brother for that retarded kid. Only he actually showed some aptitude. You just suck.
But if you let me down and we lose the match, I swear to god I will tear your fucking head off. Hell, I might just do that anyway! For fun!
Pay attention, kid. You might learn somethin'
Carl's right. There isn't any #1 contender and that was just a pre-season match anyways. I definitely got the cobwebs knocked outta me, that's for sure, but this old engine block still has some rumblings left in it! Let's just mix this up and keep at it, we'll see who has the chops and who doesn't. Maybe I won't still deliver like I think I can but maybe I will, them's the breaks. This is professional video game wrestling after all, and anybody that's been following this world knows that it's very easy to be up one week and beat down like a red headed stepchild the next.
No offense, Bitcheyes.
None taken, Somebody's.
Oh snap! Sho Kosugi wants to mix it up again with the Cap'n? Well, I was hopin' Spaghetti Betty would offer to wrestle me, but I guess she was busy washing her muthafuckin' hair or some shit like that.
Rocky Suck-a-cocky, bring your mask and don't forget your cape - you might have to fly outta there in a hurry! Heh heh!
Wow! My daddy sure beat the snot out of that Lawless douchebag! What a chump! And that Blackpube guy is just an asshole! I'll cut him next time.
I can't wait to see my pop thump the shit out of that cheesy stoner guy, that's going to be sweet!
Serengetti Betty, you're my new fav! I wonder if F.A.G.S. will make a dolly out of you! I would sooooooooo buy ten of them! You're beautiful! Do you go on dates? You know, since my mommy died my daddy is very lonely, maybe you should go out with him! I'd be the luckiest little girl in the world!!! Please please please?
Cap'n, I like you, you're funny looking and silly! You're a great wrestler too!
Knuck Finn looks like a crapper.
That Jap looks like a lump of poopy shit though. And the Dervish is just weird, please don't anybody let him near me.
I like you too Glory, you're pretty cute too!
Somebody's Dad makes me a little nervous, though.
See you at home daddy! I have to go to gym now! Love you with bunnyrabbit kisses!!!
Janey! Watch your language!
Heh heh. What an adorable little girl.
I might be a tiger in the sack and a lion in the ring, but never let it be said that the Cap'n ain't a pussycat when it comes to little kids n' shit.
Thanks 'n' shit, Cap'n! I'll cheer for you too next week!
Janey!
Heh heh! Hey Janey, I'm glad you love me n' shit, but do as I say, not as I do, knowhatI'msayin? I may be a barnacle encrusted salty dog, but a lady's gotta be a lady n' shit. Listen to your dad.
And uh... come see me in 'bout 7 or 8 years.
Your body will be destroyed wreckage in 7 or 8 days. Do not concern yourself with issues of the future, bearded scum.
Who the fuck is this Barry Turpin guy? He's no uncle of mine and he never was and he never will be. We never watched any VHS tapes of old matches where he rolled around with other guys and we certainly never watched any matches where he fought other guys in somebody's apartment and I never got a boner!
I had an Uncle Barry, but he died a long time ago. He is not this sick, gay faggot! This guy must be King Kong Glory's boyfriend. I bet they lock lips and gyrate hips every night. Fucking goddamn California faggots. Take your gay shit elsewhere, this is a wrestling site!
Come on Rickster. Give your old Uncle Barry a little more respect than that. Look, I know you took it hard, but the door of life swings both ways. Sometimes it opens to a beautiful new world, and sometimes it hits you in the butt. All you can do is keep it open, and walk through it like a man.
I love you kid! The next time I pin a man down for the 1 2 3, I'll be thinking of you!
Uncle Barry
Well if you ever decide to swing those buns back around the other way, look me up honey! I do love a man with a mustache who appreciates a good glass of wine!
Hey there, true believers!
You know, that Turpin kid reminds me of a superhero I created named Northstar who was on a team called Alpha Flight! They showed up in the pages of the X-Men during one of my most celebrated runs on the title.
Anyway, Northstar was an angry sort and he was always really mean and nasty to everyone. Years later, I wrote a story in which he was revealed to be gay!
Excelsior!
Ooooh hello all!
A pleasure to be in the ring and naughty naughty me I lost! Tsk tsk tsk. I must remember to be less of a lady and more of a tramp the next time I step over those ropes and into the squared circle!
As a woman of the jungle, I've always had a thing for big hairy men. If King Kong Glory still needs a tag partner I'd love to offer the brute my hand and my pile driver.
Sweet little Miss Janey YOU are such a doll! You tell that wreck of a Poppa of yours I'd love to sit with you ringside while he wrestles to defeat next week! Why we can chit chat hair styles and finishing moves! What a delight!
And Cap'n Crunch? I'd rather douche with gin and broken glass before getting into anything with you - ring or otherwise. You have no class, and a girl wants to throw down with someone with style!
Spaghetti Betty, if there's two things the Capn's got in spades, it's a whole lot o' style and a handfull a grace in ya face! BLAOW! How ya like me now?
Heh heh... seriously though, baby, I ain't here to fight or tussle. You don't have to be so mean. I just wanta get to know ya n' shit. Let ya read some of my poetry and hang out up in my loft sometime.
Don't leave a brotha hangin...
Well King Kong, You've got two offers...what's it gonna be? Carl Stonewall, Serengeti Betty, or are you gonna go it alone against the two? The balls are all in your proverbial court...
whoa this is alot of reading. i havn't read this much since i had to read where the red fern grows in school. man thats why i wnet to vocational high school cuz reading sucks balls. man you guys write alot. but okay who i wressln? Koesche? ok ok cool dude. lets do this. we are gonna make some blood and make some history dude. cool. fuck yeah. whoa man you guys got a chick wressln? that there is fucking tight! tight dude! is that kid gonna wressle too? cuz that woudl be REAL TIGHT! fuck yeah. this is some sweet action here!
Hey Kurt, my name's Sally. That's a nice big belt you got there... you come around here often?
Wow, King Kong Glory must've really been shaken up by that loss to Stonewall. Buck Trundle basically called Glory the "bottom of the barrel" and Glory STILL ducked him!
"King Kong Glory. I knowed you as a tough son-of-a-gun and I thought you'd do better than ya did, but ya turned out to be a whole lot less'n what ev'body 'spected. I figure if I gotta start out at the bottom, that must be you, so if the Board will allow it, I'd like for the two of us to lock horns and go toe-to-toe in the ring next Wednesday."
HOLY SHIT! You're a pussy, King Kong Glory! You didn't even retort! Ricky Turpy was right - you are a paper champ.
Excuse me... WERE.
P.S. - Sally Fingerle, you're a WHORE! Have some fucking pride!
Hey, fuck you Dinkins! I just wanted to score a bag of weed!
Hey Ladies...Get Funky...*dinkdinkdink, dinkdinkdink, dinkdink-dink-dink*
Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' bout! All the lovely tail round here in The Frontier, here! I like it, I like it, I like it! Whoo! It's a crazed gyration of the rock generation! It's my motivation to start the cultivation with a little lube-ri-cation! Babay-hey-hey! Why don't you sweet things squeeze up tight on me now, and make like a couple a' pieces of white bread, and I'll be the spread! Man, I hope I get my shot here! I could get all up in some of this league! You ladies call me, if you ever want to have a champagne jam!
Piss off glory! Yah wee willy wanker! This Wednesday, It's all on the line, and your arse is mine, Bloke! I'll gouge yah' and stretch yah', till they can't resurrect yah'! And me partner Vandayke Strange, 'el do some quite strange things tah' yah' in the pain department as well! I'm the Lemonaire, but the last thing you find me as, is mellow yellow, yah' poofter!
oooooohhhhhhh, indubidubly! Yes Yes! Crumble and stumble, and fumble, and tumble! Yes...YES! The King of Kongs will go from Glory...To GORY! hee-hehehehehehehe! INDUBIDUBLY!
Glory, maybe you don't understand...we're giving you a place to ply your trade! Where are you gonna go? Huh? We could give a hoot about whatever...we just want to see people fight...the most dangerous game of all. Money is no object. Gen. Blackdour Hussien Jackbarr, and the rest of us make so much money selling wrestling secrets on the Black Market, that this is just something for our own amusement, and the delight of wrestling fans everywhere. So...man up, as we say, and get with the program.
There is an easy way...and a hard way.....
Just ask the Chinese...
In a lawless town the only justice comes from the bounty killers. In a lawless federation, of which this is for sure, the only justice is from Buck Lawless! And this is Laless fed! I run this shit. So Black Puke, be warned next week you have a bounty on your head. To be collected in blood.
10-4 Bitches! Hear that rumble? Its the sound of an 18 wheeler, rolling like down a mountain with a full load and a big head of steam! It's coming for you Whirling Dipshit! gonna run you down like a stray dog on the highway! Once you get that much steel and momentum going it's hard to stop. And I am just getting started rolling. I slap my P.B. in low and I'm gearing to go, the miles they are so long. I drive a big rig for speed and I'm always in the lead. and i'll keep truckin' on...
From the Quill-Tipped Pen of Ebeneezer Wheezleton...
Indeed, I have a new position here in the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate: Talent Scout! I am quite certain that my considerable talents in the world of professional video game fantasy wrestling will aid me in this latest endeavor. Why... look at the new talent that is already booked for next week:
* Whirling Dervish vs. Mick "Truck" Drivor
* "Bounty Hunter" Buck Lawless vs. BlackPube
* Buck Trundle vs. Knuckles Finnegan
* Rocky Sukiyaki vs. Captain Bitcheyes - for the Intercontinational Title
* Koschei the Deathless vs. Kurt Murphy
... and don't forget about the main event! Van Dyke Strange teams up with The Lemonaire to take on King Kong Glory! But who will Glory choose as his partner? Will it be Serengetti Betty or the World's Champion Carl Stonewall?
Tune in to find out.
I would like to extend a warm "thank you" to the fine fellows behind the desk at the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate for offering employment to me. I shan't let you down!
Ebeneezer Wheezleton,
Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate Talent Scout
What. The. FUCK!?!?
You give Wheezleton a job and not me? Fuckin' A - I groveled at your goddamn feet and you wouldn't even let me scrub a toilet... and you make him talent scout?!?!
I could care less. Tell ya the truth, there's nothin' ol Carl would rather see than King Kong Glory gettin' his ass kicked by two guys. Thing is, I felt sorry for the kid - he's in way over his head.
Bein' the caring individual that I am, I figgerd I'd offer him a little help. Teach him a thing or two. But if the scuttlebutt on the internet is true, he could probably learn a thing or two from a dame like Serengetti Betty... you know, how to put his make-up on, how to do his nails, stuff like that.
I offered ya some help, Glory. You can take it or leave it. Frankly, I'd prefer ya left it.
Hey guys,
I'm really looking forward to next week's matches. The feud between Buck Trundle and Knuck Finn has been building since before the season even started and I'm anxious to see who's tougher. I have a feeling that's one of those "Any given Wednesday" kind of feuds though.
I'd like to remind King Kong Glory of the old saying "Pride goeth before the fall" - don't let your pride overshadow your judgement, man. Don't go into a handicap match without a partner.
A rematch between Captain Bitcheyes and Rocky Sukiyaki? Sounds awesome! I hope that Sukiyaki gives that red bastard whatfor! Pardon my French, but that guy steams me up!
Hey Koschei - take care of that little girl, man. I've got three kids of my own and they mean the world to me. I think it's great that you're letting her come to ringside, but be careful! That's no place for a little girl.
There I go playing armchair quarterback again. It's just because I'm so into the action of Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate. I can't wait for Wednesday!
thanks,
Dan Browning
Dave...you are right. You are a great piece of manpower, and we shouldn't just let you rot on the vine...and you did grovel like a son of a bitch posessed...so, We'll tell ya' what...we could always use a good assistant around here...your hired. Congratulations on the job. Now, remember...We like the toilet paper to roll from the top down, not from the bottom up, and you might want to check the bowl in the executive crapper...Blackjack had hummus and chicken shwarma last night, and it's getting a litte splattered looking on the backside...
That's it...time waits for no man! King Kong Glory...You are doing it the hard way! Now, we know that you are a bit pig headed, and a bit of a blow hard, so we would assume that you would want to go it alone...but fuck you (butt-fuck you?)! And we are not going to tag you with Serengeti Betty, because that poor woman would be scrubby your greasy "tag prints" off of her backside and breast area for days! So, we know how you feel about Carl Stonewall...let's see how you feel about him, now that he is your new tag team partner!
And Betty, don't worry...we got you some action with another big hairy gentleman...he's a bit older though, and his name is Somebody's Dad!
So the finally two matches will be:
Serengeti Betty VS Somebody's Dad
and
KK Glory and Carl Stonewall
VS.
Vandyke Strange & The Lemonaire
Good Luck to you all this week!
Stonewall?! STONEWALL?!
Jeezus fucking kee-righst. I would actually rather partner up with Dave Ken than have to work next to Jurassic Stonewall.
And I HATE Dave Ken worse than almost anything. That almost anything being Jurassic Stonewall.
God fuck shit piss FUCK!!!
Pucker up, buttercup. Now maybe you'll start taking a fucking championship a little more seriously?
Damn. Everyone is so pissed at you right now but you got nowhere to hide, kid. Get in that ring, do what you've been trained to do, and start working your way back up to the top. Tex isn't going to be anywhere around you for a while but I got your back. Just get back to work and quit bitching about it. What's done is done.
Shut yer fuckin' yapper and pay attention kid. School was in session a couple days ago. You weren't paying attention and look what happened.
Listen to your boyfriend. It's time you started taking this shit seriously.
Alright, Frontier G.A.Y.S.!! If anybody in this damn fed should get a rematch against BitchTits, it would certainly be me!! He effin cheated with his handcuffs that EVERYBODY saw. I know he's already beeked in a match, but I want his ass in a rematch NEXT week!!
Dervish, lean back real far and kiss your own ass you twinkleberry! You's gots ta wait in line like the rest of the workin' men you fancy plumed rooster fuckin' poof lookin' shitheel! Chee-rist, bad 'nuff I lost ta that miscreant Murphy without havin' ta deal with amateurs like yer ass. You jus' made the list fancypants.
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