Ladies And Gentleman...The Gathering is upon us! Wednesday, December 10, Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate will bring to you...FRONTIER JUSTICE!
This hardcore "Free For View" will feature a tournament to crown the first Intercontinational Champion! It will be a fight to the finish, between every gladiator in the Frontier locker room! All guts...All glory...and no BULLSHIT! For one of the richest prizes in the game today!...Oh yeah...and did we mention that the two finalists will battle it out...IN A STEEL CAGE?!? Win or lose...someone's gonna bleed...
Speaking of Glory, The Worlds Heavyweight title will also be on the line, as Champion, King Kong Glory defends his crown against an opponent who has done it all in the world of professional fantasy videogame rasslin'!...Coming out of retirement...The Living Legend...CARL STONEWALL! Can Glory put his money where his mouth is, and silence Old Carl? Will That old dog teach Glory a few tricks of his own? We'll find out if that old dog can still hunt, come Wednesday!
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Oh jeez! I can't wait. See you there ladies and gentlemen!
One more match. The fans demanded it, but it's not for them. The roar of the crowd could be heard far and wide, but it ain't for their well-being or peace of mind.
The title? It ain't like I don't deserve it - Check my profile over in the Video Game Wrestling Association Hall of Fame. But it ain't for the belt either. That's just the frosting.
King Kong Glory? Don't flatter yourself. I can take you out back behind the toolshed and whup you or I can do it in front of a million screaming fans. Don't matter none to ol' Carl.
It's for me. For Carl. I gotta know, is there any gas left in this here tank? I've sat out a whole season nursing injuries. I've dispensed wisdom and I've given opinions... as they say, those who can do and those who can't teach.
And now I'm stepping back into that ring to teach you the most important lesson you'll ever learn, King Kong Glory. Rest up and study hard - the test is next Wednesday and writing the answers on your arm won't help.
Hey there, true believers!
Carl Stonewall reminds me of a story I wrote once in which Spider-Man was trapped under mountains of rubble. He was just about ready to give up when he thought about his family and loved ones, and he found the strength to lift that weight!
Way to go, Carl! We're all waiting to see you win that belt!
Excelsior!
Hey guys,
Anyone who reads these boards knows I'm a huge fan of King Kong Glory. Anybody who knows me personally knows that Carl Stonewall is one of my all-time favorites. For me, this is like a dream match. Something I never thought I'd see. I don't know who to root for, but I know I'll be on the edge of my seat the entire match.
I think it's great that Carl is coming out of retirement to prove that us old guys are still kicking. Like Bob Seger said, "Rock n' Roll Never Forgets". It'll be interesting to see how the two men match up and (no offense, Carl) whether or not Stonewall can compete. We're not just talking about some exhibition match here, this is the World's Heavyweight Champion: the best in the business.
Can't wait until next Wednesday!
The first round of brackets for the Intercontinational Title Tournament have been randomly selected by the F.A.G.S.5000 Computation Machine, and are as follows:
Koschei The Deathless
VS
"The Bounty Hunter" Buck Lawless
Serengeti Betty
VS
The Whirling Dervish
Captain Bitcheyes
VS
Rocky Sukiyaki
Somebody's Dad
VS
Buck Trundle
Mick "Truck" Drivor
VS
Black Pube The Pirate
Knuck Finn
VS
Kurt Murphy
Warriors, Come Out And Play-ee-aah!
Hey hey hey! I see you guys have finally allowed a lady to break through your glass ceiling and compete with the men. Way to join the 21st century!
Serengeti Betty, you're my new hero! I'm glad i finally have a girl to cheer for instead of these stinky guys!
Oh, and by the way, I think it's kind of bullshit that Carl Stonewall is going for the title. I mean, he's not even an active competitor! Should a Hall of Famer even be allowed to compete, let alone go for the biggest prize the industry has to offer?
I just think it's kind of a joke because it's not like he's going to win. He's old and hasn't even been in a wrestling ring for like, a year. Give Glory some real competition!
Carl, I plan on being so drunk that I don't give a shit who's in that ring with me, just as long as I don't have to hear your fucking mouth run anymore.
I can't believe everybody else in FUCR gets to enjoy a vacation and I have to listen to Carl Fucking Stonewall blab like a geriatric molester in a vet's hospital.
Can you at least wear a bodysuit? The thought of having to be in the ring with your old wrinkled body kinda makes me nauseous.
Well goddamn. Looks like the folks at Frontier Anarchy Grappling are putting their money where their mouth is and signing a REAL wrestler to take the belt from that California faggot King Kong Glory.
What did I tell you? What did the Turp tell you? First match. Glory loses the belt. New champ.
Turps rules!
He who has the bitch name shall be the first to fall before my tempered Japanese steel. The Wasabi Rocket shall dazzle these moronic American audiences with a fury they have only fantasized about but are too stupid to put their fried chicken meals down long enough to practice at themselves.
KEEE-YAWWW!!!!
From a business standpoint... an ass every 18 inches. Selling tickets is what it's all about and a match like Stonewall vs. Glory, well that's like Rocky Balboa coming out of retiremint for one final match.
But from a health standpoint, I question the sanity of the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate Board of Directors. Has Carl been cleared to wrestle? If he's injured, who will be held liable? It's risky business, but I guess it'll pay off in ticket sales, PFV buyrates and merchandise.
I'm looking forward to it. And if Carl wins... well, you might just see old Dave Ken lace boots once again.
Oh shit, you think so Sukiyaki? Heh heh... First of all, I oughtta be in that World Title Match. Stonewall's a pretender; the Cap'n is the contender.
But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do and Rocky will be the first to feel the wrath n' shit. I been to Japan. I eat sushi. I can hang.
Oh, and Glory... heh heh... you can talk about vacations all you want, but ya ain't in FUCR no more. That belt is sanctioned by the VGWA and you gotta defend it 'gainst e'vrybody n' shit. But don't worry - pretty soon I'll be taking your title and sending you on a permanent vacation n' shit.
BLAAAOOWWW!!!
Shoot, Carl ain't that much older'n me, and y'all best believe I aim to take that big ol' gold belt and put it 'round my waist fore the season's out. Ain't no reason why Carl can't do it.
Now I see I'm booked t'pear in a first round match 'gainst Somebody's Dad. If'n you think yer gonna give me a run fer my money, yer wrong. I stared down plenty a dads in my day and ain't a one of em been able to dish out nuthin' ol Buck can't handle. So you just shine up yer penny loafers and put on yer jacket with the patches on the elbows. I'll send ya packin' and pack a little somethin in yer daughter while I'm at it.
Ahem... OK... Here goes. BUCK! I'M GONNA TEAR OFF THAT ARM WITH THE WOMEN'S POWDERPUFF FOOTBALL SHOULDER PAD AND JAM IT UP YOUR ASS SIDEWAYS!!! THEN I'M GONNA RAPE YOUR FACE WITH MY FOOT!!!
Ahh, you know what? That felt kinda good! See you wednesday buck!
I mean Bounty Hunter Buck! Sheesh! There's more "bucks" in this league than my uncles elk farm in Missoula!
Je-zus Koschei, get with it. Hire a manager at least ta get yer shit together.
Nice face sqirrel Kurt I remember when I first tried to grow a beard when I was twelve, it'll look good with a chair wrapped around it. So do you hang out with a preteen "sidekick" too? I'ma lookin' forward to mashin' you into tiny batflakes ya lil coinpurse noodler!
Hell boys, I just may be the only one in this league that is willing to take his belt off for the sake of wrestling! I plan on pulling this car over to the side of the road and dole out some paternal punishments. Buck Trundle looks to be the first one that's going to find this out. Think you're big enough to finally take on Dad? Well you know that never turns out the way you plan. This old man has been around the block and ain't going to take any guff from you fucking delinquents, no sir. Trundle, I'm going to box your ears something fierce and all you'll remember is the cold hardness of the mat and the smell from your pisser emptying all over yourself. Borrow some Depends from Stonewall you fucking slob. I know your type, crybaby son of a bitch. I don't plan on spending a lot of time on you, my brother in law is coming over that night and we're going to wood panel the rec room in my basement.
Woah baby! I'm going to have to get an extra box of Franzia for this one. What a tournament! What a main event! What a bunch of hunks!
Hey Serengetti Betty - You go, girl! Sisters are doing it for themselves! You've come a long way, baby!
From the Quill-Tipped Pen of Ebeneezer Wheezleton...
It is a most distinct pleasure to see a new organization arrive on the scene and begin to flourish! This is exactly what my dear departed nephew would've wanted.
Carl... we have been friends for so long. You know how proud I am of you and how brave I think you are for stepping back into the squared circle that you've always loved so much. It's like a second home to you. They say "you can't go home again". Let's prove them wrong.
As for the concerns about the FUCR - take heart. We are not shutting down our operations completely! We are simply on a hiatus... why, we'll be doing an overseas tour of the Middle East for our troops this holiday season! Losing jurisdiction over the World's Championship is not the end of the road for us, nor can a legal battle keep us down for long.
Good luck to all of you!
Ebeneezer Wheezleton
President in Trust,
Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin'
Hey pops! Leave some Trundle fer me when yer done. Me n him got some scores to settle down the road and I want him fresh as a daisy when I pluck his flower ass.
Fucking Kurt Murphy. Where the fuck you from boy? You have the fiery red hair of an Irishman, but we'll see if your shellaley can withstand 265 lbs of Celtic blarneystone!
Thanks Wheezey! Look out for camel spiders in the 51st state!
What is making all crazy head FUCR talkings?! This not being FUCR this being super #1 Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! Dinosaur FUCR be moving down ways get out of this paths forever! Slow FUCR too can't make along super cool rock n' roll right here! Mississippi flapjacks Uncle Sam! Whoo hoo wrestle big USA! Go to hell FUCR we makes boom booms over here instead of you!
Oh, don't you worry, Knuckleberry Finnegan. Soon's I finish up mah bizness with Somebody's Dad, I'm fixin' ta hitch up my wagon and haul a load a whupass over ta yer house and dump that big ol' load right in yer front yard!
Dang...Dang...DANG!!! I wish I could've thrown my hat into this ring...but alas...pimpin' is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination! Speaking of Pimpin', if you are ever in the Metro-detroit area, be sure to hit old Barnaby up. Me and my good friend Sucio Sanchez started an escort service for all the right reasons, and set up shop at the top of the Four Seasons! Shake rattle and roll a fatty! No...I'm not talking about a blunt...I'm talking about blunt force trauma...to the sweet vag of a willing BBW! This train keeps a rollin' all night long, daddy! Can't wait for wednesday! we'll be watching! Whooooooot Whooooooooot!!!
Huh huh huh. Suzio n Burnuby haz ull the sekziest ledies fa yu, n clazzy too, with clothez on n not too. Vizit buetiful Detroit n get yu willy wetted. Find uz et the fullowing site. Candee kizzez from Suzio n Burnuby.
http://www.detroitstripclub.com/
Aw no, he did not just say we make boom booms over here! Look here, brother from a geisha mother, we have got to work on your engrish skills, you dig?
And like I believe for one second that Barnaby Studwhistle knows even one Goddamn thing about pimpin'!
A pimp you ain't
you're lame and smell of taint
you a wasp without a sting
but you always got beat
from your head to your seat
every time you stepped in the ring
So why you think you're bad
you can't even fight Somebody's Dad
just go back home and shit in a bucket
Slummy trash that you are
sleep in your car
curl up with Sanchez and suck it!
Davey boy...don't you worry that finely coiffed head of hair you got their. Mr. Stonewall has been clear by medical personel, to return to the ring.
Yes...his body is ravaged by years of brutal competition, but that heart of a champion still beats. But Carl knows his strengths. What he may lack in speed, quickness, and reaction time...he makes up for with BRUTE MOTHERFUCKING FORCE! I imagine this match to be like a man with a sledgehammer pounding on a solid plate of cast iron. Which will give first...the flaws of the cast...or the handle of the hammer? God, we can't wait to find out!
Also...we can't wait to crown an Intercontinational Champion! Stay tuned, because we have a few more suprizes up our sleeves, concerning the tournament! It's gonna be a barn burner! A Pier Sixer!...A Donnybrook! Actually, it will be so intense, it will be like Little Donny Brook, trapped inside a burning barn on Pier Six!... Someone save him!
What the FAAAAHHHCCKKKK?!?!?!
I'm looking over that roster and that goddamn tournament and I don't see my fucking name on it!
FUCK THIS SHIT! What's the problem? Scared? Afraid I'd take your precious belt and run? Afraid I'd break every bone in every wrestlers body and leave them in traction?!?! FUCK!
Hardboiled on outside, too soft on inside! You should be counting your godless blessings that you do not face me yet as I would tear you apart like the weak rice paper I know you to be made of! Whining white dog! Keep your leash short for it will be your downfall if you overstep your true master's will.
You are most unworthy but it is for this reason that I hope our paths will cross. I will beat you down white dog, and surely be charged with cruelty to animals.
Rudy...
Bitch, please!
I'm hearing you wheeze,
you're trying so hard to get over.
Are those gold teeth, or cheese?
Get up off your knees,
The last bitch you fucked was named Rover.
You talk all that smack,
but you're way off the track,
stop and look deep in the mirror.
You smoke tons of crack, and take cock from the back,
Homeboy, it don't get any queerer!
So turn over a new leaf,
stop squeeking, you queef,
Nobody thinks that you're down.
But your mouth just won't quit,
and you stink, just like shit,
That's why your not black...you're just brown.
Yes! The true competitive nature that is part of our manly nature is coming forth! Go forth gentlemen, go forth and prove yourselves. For whether it is a single lady in a hot tub with two men and only one can bed her that night, or two men facing each other in this new gladiatorial fashion that we have dubbed wrestling, the chance to shine above another and claim your prize should be praised highly indeed!
I commend you all and look forward to the after parties!
Those Ronsonites are a bunch of nancyboy faggots. Don't drink the Kool-Aid in that cult, it's laced with GHB and horse semen.
Oh this is just rubbish! You queers are a sad excuse for the state of things these days. It's horseshit like this website that keeps the price of oil fucking me right in the dumper and shitting myself right outta my retirement fund! What a load of malarkey and ballerina boys. Don't let me catch you anywhere near my property or you'll find your punk asses filled with buckshot instead of each other's forbidden love!
You tell em Hube! Mother fuckin' young trash gonna get shot if they come in our neck of the woods!
For shame good sirs! It is up to you as our golden seniors to lead the youth down a path of betterment and not to give in to such vulgarity and violent talk. An example should be set by ones such as yourselves.
How about I set my foot as an example in your candy boy ass? Fuck you, schoolboy faggot!
Hey guys,
Looking over this tournament, I'm really excited. I've seen a few of these guys before, like Buck Lawless, Somebody's Dad, "Truck" Driver and Buck Trundle. The rest are all new to me and I can't wait to see what they bring to the ring.
That's why I'm totally in favor of the Board's decision to grant Carl the shot at the World's Championship. True, he may not be a ranked contender, but there's no doubt he fits the mold of a "legend" - and there's really no one else who even comes close to deserving it.
I think politics and injury kept Carl down in NWA and FUCR - a fresh start in Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate is just what he needs and what the industry as a whole needs. Let's see how this tournament goes and see who works their way up the ranks to get the next shot...
thanks,
Oh fuck you too Grizzly Adams!
Who's this old fart MacNutterButter? Hey, do you guys know what it tastes like to go down on MacNutterButter's wife?
Depends...
I thought this new league was going to be all about new wrestlers and competition. Instead theres just a bunch of old men and has beens and washed up, wrinkly grey nutsacks. I guess King Kong Glory oughtta be pretty happy though, huh?
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Hey, check out my latest blog for my thoughts regarding my return to the ring.
http://carlstonewall.blogspot.com/2008/12/return.html
Hey, why don't you check out my gray scrotum for my thoughts regarding you fucking off Stonewall?
How can I get an application into the Cult of Ronson
Just dial 1-800-I-LOVE-COCK!
Those Ronsonites are eff-ay-double gee-OTS!
James, a good start would be to stop referring to yourself as a douche of any kind. You might take a lot of work but I am always trying to be supportive of someone who would like to better themselves by following my teachings.
Not so much for Mr. Turpin, I'm afraid. But he seems to be used to being unwanted so I don't feel I'm hurting his pride there.
Hey, I'm not the one standing around on the beach with three other guys wearing colored underwear, you fucking Fruits of the Loom!
Your cult is dedicated to "chasing tail", huh? Makes sense. Maybe you guys ought to wrestle in Frontier Anarchy Grappling and form a tag team called the Castro St. Connection, you bunch of fucking California faggots.
As for the Turps, I'll be sitting at home with a fifth of cooking sherry, fingerbanging your sisters and making accurate predictions about the future of professional fantasy wrestling.
Stonewall - 1
Glory - 0
U-S-A RULES!
TURPS IS #1!
You are so weak of mind, Mr. Turpin. Trust me when I tell you that I have California fagged my way into the beds of more supermodels and bunnies than your stained little digits could ever hope to see in whatever porn mags you can get someone to buy for you. You wear your insecurities on your sleeve but most people probably don't notice it there because of the BBQ stains. For all of your chants referring to this great country of ours, you are not even close to living the American Dream the way I am. I hope this knowlege wounds you deeply and truly. May my conquests become a cancer in your heart and asbestos for your lungs. Cocktails, waxed vaginas and a high fi soundtrack to go with it all. I am living the good life and my colleagues aren't doing so badly either.
Show your therapist the place on the doll where you hate yourself the most, Mr. Turpin.
21st Century Human Designate: Richard Turpin.
Do not presume to possess an ability to predict the future! I am from your future - I have seen many outcomes and have come to warn you all! DO NOT ALLOW Carl Stonewall to win the title! It will create a catastrophy which will snowball into worldwide oblivion!
Heed my words! I come from your future!
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