Well folks...I'm trying to put together the card for next week...but...these are trying times.
The Whirling Dervish has quit the business, and moved back to Japan...funny, we thought he was from Des Moines...at least that's where we were sending his checks. What a PUSSY! I guess though, when you have a talent pool as great as this to compete with, sub-standard wrestlers just fall by the wayside...
So, next week...so far...we have:
Serengeti Betty VS Buck Trundle - barbed wire strap match for the Intercontinational Title
Kurt Murphy VS Blackpube The Pirate - Steel Cage Match
Tag Team Champions, Koschei The Deathless & Cap'n Bitcheyes VS La Puta Negra & ? -
La Puta...you challenged these guys, but your partner backed out & retired....it's up to you, girl! Who will your partner be?
We on the board thought that we would make the last challenge a little more interesting...Carl wants a piece of Somebody's Dad..."Truck" wants a piece of Somebody's Dad...That would make it a three way dance. But, we want more! So we are going to make this a VIETNAMESE BATTLE ROYAL! That means that everyone who scores a pinfall or submission recieves 5 points! We need one more contender though. Will it be you? The first person to respond to this offer will be the forth man in this match. If you eliminate all 3 of your opponents, that could give you a total of 15 points for this match! Do you have the guts?...
Carl Stonewall VS Somebody's Dad VS Mick "Truck" Drivor VS "?".....
(if you are already booked in a match, and you wish to participate in this match instead, we will allow you to do so...but you gotta let us know!)
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27 comments:
Where is Ronnie Havershiem when you need him? SOMEONE needs to investigate the obvious bias this fed has against The Whirling Dervish!
So he issued multiple challenges. That just proves how tough he is and how willing he is to go the distance to take on ANYONE and EVERYONE in this po dunk fed. The fact that you can't understand his logic only proves the point that he is communicating on a higher level than the rest of you. You're like ants and he is like a human and you can't figure him out. Who can figure out God? Not me. Certainly not you and certainly not Blackjack or his stupid Boared.
I rest my case.
Even though I'm a fan, I'm glad he left. He can do better than this turd league full of turd wrestlers.
I will enter this fray! I must avenge my humiliating defeat of the last match. My dishonor will make me punish you all!
Heh heh... whatever happened to "Death before Dishonor"? 'Cause the Capn's gettin sick of seein' your stupid mask n' shit. Go ahead and commit suppuku or whatever the fuck it's called.
Now, on to more pressin' matters... nobody wants to team with La Puta to take on the Greatest Muthafuckin' World Champeeen the world's ever seen and his partner Koochu the Deathboy? Muthafuckin' TAG CHAMPS in the house n' shit! I'll keep my gold n' leave you out in the cold! Heh heh... Koochie, let's do this thang.
Damn you, Rocky Suzuki! You beat me to the PUNCH! Well, if rocky can't join the DEATH Match for any reason, I BLACKPUBE, Terror of the seven seas would love to join the fray!
heh heh...more like Tearer Of The 7 Seats... Of Pants! Because you always blow out the stinkiest farts, you nasty bastard! HAW HAW!!!
From the quill-tipped pen of Ebeneezer Wheezleton...
Pish posh. All of this is largely irrelevant. Why not answer the question which lies upon the pursed lips of every wrestling fan?
When will the #1 Contender face the World's Champion?
When will Somebody's Dad take on La Puta Nega - the TRUE World's Champion?
Captain Bitcheyes claim to the title is tenuous at best. Even The Whirling Dervish disputes his throne, though the Dervish's claims bear no real bearing - having defeated no one of consequence. La Puta, as fans will recall, defeated the reigning World's Champion Carl Stonewall, thus making her the new Champion.
Call your man Bitcheyes whatever you want. Put his name in the history books. You have the law on your side, but we have the will of the people. You can call him the best, you can call him #1, you can call him the World's Heavyweight Champion... but you can not call him undisputed. For I, Ebeneezer Wheezleton, the godfather of professional video game wrestling, DISPUTE HIS CLAIM!
La Puta will be waiting for the contract to be presented to her.
Ebeneezer Wheezleton,
President in TRUST
Fuck you Bitch, if nobody else wants in on this action then I'll be your huckleberry! Now I don't wanna deprive anybody else of the chance for points and gold, so if by the time the Board decides to make the card final, and nobody else has chimed in, then I'd love a chance to split your fucking scalp in two. I've got no love for tag team action but you just bring out the best in me, what can I say? I'll kick you around and take your lunch money just because that would make me laugh. Does that bring back bad memories for you, Bitcheyes? Back when you were just fat little Corporal Bitcheyes in school and all of the cool kids used to beat you up in front of the girls and take your lunch money, did you start bringing multiple lunches to school so you could lose one but still secretly go stuff that putrid mug full of food? I bet that is exactly what you did, ain't that right Goober? Crying yourself to sleep every night while trying not to get food on the pages of the Sears catalogue underwear section you were flogging your chubby little rot to? You're such a joke, but the joke's been on you your whole life already, hasn't it? Sucks to be you Bitcheyes, but at least it'll make it that much more fun to make you cry some more. My tears will be from the laughing, yours will just be from chubby little sadness.
What do you say La Puta Negra? Will you take king Kong Glory...as a partner? To have & to hold...for richer & poorer...in sickness & in health...till one of you turns on the other? By the power granted this board, by the VGWA, we can make it so...just let a brotha' know!
Heh heh... Bring it on! The Cap'n Kooch Connection will bust ya heads open like a melon!
BLAAOOWW!
Oh, Janey... you might wanna turn your head n' shit. I don't think it's gonna be appropriate for a little girl to watch that kind of stuff.
Well there isnt much of a price on your head, but it will give me something to do this week. So Knuck Finn I am coming to collect. Your worthless ass will be mine. You are just a stepping stone on my way up to the top.
What?!! Teamin' La Puta up with Carlita Jr.? Wit that struttin' peacock dat be swingin' his tail 'roun here an there, talkin' shit but neva doin' nothin' but losin' an shit? All Glory do is lose matches an' be Some Old Fuck's bodyguards or some shit. I'm not sure cuz I don really pay attention but din he fight with some mongooses or some lil animal dressed like a whore or a clown? Where that Glory come from? I forget he even up in this league, then he jus pop in sayin "hey looka me! I'ma some sort of Guinea freak with a tube fetish! Where-a the pasta? Ehhhhhhh!". I don even remember the las time Glory even made hisself matter none here, he jus fell up on some gold long time ago and now we all stuck makin sure the other video game wrestlin leagues don pick on him.
But...
Glory got a BIG dick.
Mizz Puta gon give you a shot. She gon let you prove how ta do it to it na. An Cap'n gon get see La Puta when she get all sexylike, when she gettin ready make a kill. So yeah Glory, you can hang round, jus don't let Mizz Puta catch you slackin' in da ring, starin at my pussy.
They say nice guys finish last... well Ah aim ta finish first. Betty, prepare yerself fer a whuppin'. Ah'm gonna go BUCK NUTS on ya, even worse'n this week.
BHBL, the only thing yer headed to tha top of is the injured reserve list! Let's dance noodleboy!
An' as fer you Trundlebunk, the only thing "buck nuts" about you is tha fact that when chlamydia claimed your genitals you had a steers set sewn onta yer shriveled, blackened, puss-filled hot pepper-lookin' excuse fer a crotch!
Knuck Finn? That's kinda like Fuck Kin, isn't it? You like diddling with your cousins and sisters, you hillbilly monstrosity? Is there a sign in your front yard that alerts the other trailer owners that you're not to be trusted with their "youngins"? Jesus Christ almighty, what a fucking dirty animal.
Take em out back and put that animal down, right Hube? Double barrel buck buck and I open him up!
You might just be on to something instead of just on something there Merle.
The doctor says I need to take a laxative.
Wow! Who'da thunk it that a ol' Koschei the Deathless would come out in such grand position! Guess I've been underestimating myself.
I think we've all done a little bit of underestimating. We've all underestimated my good friend Buck Trundle. Remember, power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Let us not forget how Buck Trundle, so much like our Savior, Jesus Christ, has bore a cross for all of us this season.
By gaining the gold, Buck earned the spotlight and all the evils that come with it. He also earned a target on his back. Now how's a man supposed to live his life when everybody's gunnin' for him? Sure he acted innapropriately with Betty, but who came out on top? That beautiful lil' lady wound up with a true golden shower!
Buck, you're a good guy. Maybe now that you've lost the gold, like Frodo when lightened of the burden of the One Ring, you can resume your gentlemanely ways. Or, are you still twisted with your desires? If so, then I'm here to tell you I won't give up on you!
I feel like I'm still earning my stripes around here. But, as someone who's seen combat, trust me, the good guys need a champion. And I'm proud to say that I look up to you, Buck.
Hey uh... what La Puta said about King Kong Glory? It's true. He DOES have a big dick.
But he sure don't know how to use it.
And he's got herpes. And... hey Kurt, maybe we should have a talk, baby.
Mr. Trundle? Will you still be my friend? I wuv u.
lil Janey
Now Janey, Ah don't recall us ever bein' too good'a friends, mostly cause a the way yer dad looked at me all funny whenever I talked to ya, but Ah'll tell ya what honey... lissen, Uncle Buck's gonna tell ya somethin'.
Ya see, sometimes mommies and daddies don't get along... they fight n' they might throw a lampshade or two and next thing ya know somebody's got a busted lip n' the cops are outside. You're standing there in yer underpants n' a tanktop and there's flashin' lights n' whatnot... but that was just the liquor talkin'.
What we had this week 'tween me n' Betty. Well, sometimes there has ta be a little yellin' and cussin' goin' on. Don't mean nuthin' cept to the two people involved. Don't mean you're not still mah #1 Buckaroo and it don't mean ya gotta take mah poster down off yer wall. Just means that ol' Uncle Buck's got a temper n' sometimes it flares up. Ah didn't mean fer you ta have ta see that, honey and truly Ah'm sorry.
But sometimes ya gotta fight ta be a man.
k sally no probs what you wanna talk about? pam had told me you and kkg had dated and stuff before but shes kinda mean and all so i ingored her but is it what you wanted to talk about cuz its cool or whatevs i mean hes a superstar and all and a real good wrestler but no probs its cool we can talk about whatevs i mean i had a girlfriend once before to so its cool
"Whatevs" WHATEVS! Who the fuck really talks like that anyway? Kurt Murphy, the only girlfriend you ever had was the calloused palm of your hand and a vintage Farrah Fawcett poster. Your a tool and your girlfriend Sally Fingerme has been around the block more times than the mailman.
This league aught to be called False teeth, Ass Grabbing & Swinefuckers because thats all I ever see on this show. You got rid of the California faggot and now hes back to go for the Tag titles with La Pupa Negro. You had an old man champ and he got beat by an Elton John wannabe. And now theres a woman as the Inter-continational champion?! What a joke. So funny, the Turps forgot to laugh.
Buck Trundle, you are a lowdown , nasty, bucket of old lady diddle-juice! I hope that jungle bitch stuffs your head and hangs it on the wall of her grass hut! You know, you made my grandma cry. for that, you can suck a gay, aids-ridden midget's dick!
I say whatevs you shitmunch and who the hecks gets their picture taken with a log? dude you are a LOSER! WHATEVS WHATEVS WHATEVS god really dude you suck balls
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