Well, you've all pretty much made your challenges this week....
But, we are a little disappointed. The Board Of Directors had some difficult desisions to make this week, and we steered this ship in what we thought was a good direction.
Now... everyone wants to cry about how they think that they have some kind of claim to the World Heavyweight Title, or a number one contender spot.
The other thing that bothers us, is how some of these crybaby bitches want to hold a candle for some dead organization like FUCR, and say how great it was, and how the grass was so much greener on that side of the fence. These were the same crybaby bitches that complained while they wrestled in FUCR about the rules being too tough, and the Board at FUCR being too tough, and blah Blah BLAH!!!
Well fine...we read what you had to say...and then we were inspired by one of our own employees, Mr. Dave Ken. He said, that really, it's all about asses every 18 inches. Well, he's right! So fuck everyone's challenges this week! We threw them all in the trash!
This week, since EVERYONE thinks that they are the number one contender, than fine...YOU ALL ARE! We are gonna have ourselves a battle royal! Everyone is in! If you throw a piece of trash over the top...then you get 5 points! And if you are the last one left standing at the end...then you are the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! and just to make it fair...so everyone can stop complaining...Carl Stonewall...the current World Heavyweight Champion will be the first man in!
Now then...you all have got your shot! May the best wrestler win!
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68 comments:
Battle Royale? Well, ol' Carl ain't got no problem tossin' a bunch a pieces a trash out the ring. Bring 'em on! I'll still walk out the champ!
I'm not holding on to any candle for FUCR at all. What I AM saying is that you wrestlers out there have the best chances I've ever seen out of any league to get in there and make a name for yourself, what the fuck are you waiting for? My compliments to the board, a Battle Royal is genius!
As for Dave Ken... I always thought it was about putting him in his place every 18 seconds.
I want in on this! I've been hitting the gym and hitting the tail and this is a great way to gauge my gym to tail ratio and see if it's working out. I look forward to seeing you especially, Carl.
Ah, now this is more like it! Be the modern day gladiators that you're meant to be! In making the Earth tremble with your conquests, so too shall the thighs of young women everywhere tremble with delight!
I agree, this is a whole lot better than the "pity fuck title shot" that had previously been offered to the Whirling Dervish. What a joke the Board of Directors is in this league, flip-flopping on their ideals like a team of Al Gores. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that King Kong Glory will be in the match since he's been "hitting the tail" so often lately and the Board of directors seems to be the biggest bunch of knobgobblers and rectal rangers the world of professional fake fantasy wrestling has ever seen.
TURPS RUUUULLLEEZZZZZ!!!!
You: A bronzed god standing atop a mountain with flaxen hair and hose-like veins.
Me: A DWF, 50-ish, who likes to imbibe in the bitters, so to speak.
Are you a "little g" god or a "big G"? How 'bout tossing your mighty hammer my way?
Destroying tens of men in one fell swoop is something I'm not foreign to. I once killed an entire batallion of buccaneers, only to make a raft of their dead bloated corpses which I then floated to the mainland. This is child's play... with a bunch of children.
Heh heh... child's play is spendin' 10 minutes a week leavin' a message 'bout how bad you are n' shit. You couldn't even be bothered to do that; how do you expect to win a muthafuckin' battle roy-ALE n' shit?
You may be a pirate, Black Pube, but I'm the muthafuckin' CAP'N!
I think it's GREAT that the women and men will all be on equal footing here. Way to go, Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! You've come a long way, baby.
Well shoot! This looks ta me like 'bout the fairest way a settlin' a dispute as any. Sorta like that t-shirt that says "Kill 'em all an' let God sort 'em out" - cept ain't nobody really gettin' killed. But that's what my ol' grandma use ta do back home. Us kids'd be fightin n' tusslin ovah who knowed what... ol' Grandma, she's jest toss us all in the pen with the pigs n say "The hell with ya!"... sure'nuff, we'd settle our diff'rences right there n' the mud and come out better for it. Ah miss that ol' bird.
Bout time, even an ol' loser like Koschei can get a taste a victory at this hoottenanny! After splatterin' the Pickle, looks like I'll get some good ol' action in this comin' week!
Word on the street is Blackpube uses "Just for Men" on his groin, an' he's really Salt 'n' Peppa Pube! We'll see this comin' week! HA HA!!!
Alabama Dill(do) Pickle, now you can see if'n you can make me "rue" anythin' you flounderin' poop scrambler!
That's a great idea! Good thinking management! Be quiet Knuck, you only have five measely points more than me!!!
This Wednesday, Kurt baby! You're gonna get the title, I just know you are!
Now, Ah'd like ta make one addendum if'n the Board'll allow it.
Y'see, there's a little lady name a Serengetti Betty who's been bustin'er keyster tryin' ta get ahead 'n this here rasslin league n 'fore this 'nouncement was made bout a battle royal, she got herself a challenge in for mah Intercontinational Championship. She didn't make no "Ah want a shot n two weeks time" kind a challenge, she said "This Wensdey, Ah want mah shot at that there belt" ... well, Ah'd just like to ask that her challenge be honored somewhere down the line. She asked fer it, she earned it, n she's a right nice little lady n' if there's one thing Ah hate, it's seein' a lady cry.
Buck...you are a gentleman, indeed. We will honor her challenge for the Intercontinational Title at a later date...perhaps next week...who knows...one of you may be Worlds Heavyweight Champion, come the week after next.
Hey guys,
I know there's been a lot of ill will towards the Board of Directors and especially toward Black Pube and the Whirling Dervish. I think we just need to let bygones be bygones and let those guys wrestle. Competition is good for the business, you know? I agree that giving Dervish a title shot would've been a bit outlandish, but I like the idea that the Board has come up with. It reminds me of the Charles Wheezleton Memoriale with Cheese from the old FUCR days.
Hey, I'm just excited with anything you guys do. I sure do love Frontier Anarchy! Keep it up, guys.
thanks,
Dan Browning
Hey thanks, BoD. Ah 'preciate it. Ah mean, Ah just feel like it's fair, y'know? Fair is fair.
It's a do or die situation...we will be INVINCIBLE...Baby!
Buck, how about you let the little lady settle her own problems, huh? Some of us remember having to put up with all that women's lib stuff in the 70's. After a big ol argument like that one, I think it's only right that she fights her own battles and stands on her own 2 feet. So why don't you just zip it and worry about your own self? This Battle Royal is just what this place needs, I just hope my belt don't get all wore out slapping the hell outta you delinquents all in one night! Then again, Somebody's Mother In Law got me a gift card to Sears for Christmas, so maybe I'll treat myself to a new one when this is over!
Hey man, equal is equal and all that. I'm all right with a lady's place being in the ring so I say Hell Yeah she should be talking her own shit! Buck shut the fuck up! Where's my boy Rocky at?! Dude, you been dropping your matches but I still got some faith for you. And will somebody make sure they take out that Stonewall faggot as soon as possible? That old pecker pimp just be getting on my last goddamn nerve!
I hope this shit gets RAW!!!
No rhymes Mr. More? Just as well, for a naughty limerick can be well played at a cocktail party but can become juvenile when used too often. Jimmy Caan was always good with a limerick but like the true gentleman he is, he knew when to properly apply restraint.
Fucktards.
well it looks like there is gonna be a whole lotta roadkill next week after the Battle Royale. I am gonna put the hammer down and roll right over all these bitches in my way. Ride away with the Championship gold. Gear Jammin' Hammer down...
Flip it...Smack it...Rub it Down, OH NOOOOOOOO!
Mowtown Philly's back again....
(Da-nananananana-na-na)
Doin' a little East-Coast swwaannnggg!
Boys to Men got it go-in on...
(Da-nananananana-na-na)
Not to hard...not to soft!
Boys to Men - ABC - BBD!...
Oh what...I'm on?!? Sorry, I just got this new MP3 player for Christmas! I was just jammin' out!
Guess what bitches?! The board of directors just called me...and they said they have one last spot left to fill, for the Battle Royale! And guess who they asked?!? ME! Haw-Haw! And Blackpube...When I get ahold of you...that mask is comin' off, Daddy! I'm gonna show tha' world that you just a dirty old piece 'a shit! Now if you'll excuse me, baby...I got some jams to attend to...
"That girl is poison...
Poison...poison-poi-poison poison....you can't trust a big butt & a smile, ahhh law'd, Poison"...
Heck, Ah don't care what ya'll say 'bout me. Mah momma raised me ta be a gentleman, so a gentleman Ah'll be. It's a little somethin called "Southern Hospitality"... Ya'll come ovah ta mah place, Ah'll fix some vittles fer ya n' give ya a warm bed ta sleep in. That's cause Ah'm a gentleman.
But ya cross me, and Ah'll teach a little somethin' 'bout Southern JUSTICE. It ain't pretty, and it ain't sweet and ya ain't gonna like it. Somebody's Dad's gonna find out what it is come Wensday...
Trundle-sama justice POW! Thunderdome bangings and WOOO!!! More actions in bringing all Royal the way to go wrestling #1!!! Blackened Pubes have itchy itchy and to be bested upon you are loser! Whirling Radish make no boom and winnings for main man's going being you over the top rope and WOO not you either!
Who suck manga mega sack of balls? Bitcheseyes do!!! Somebody's PaPaSan respected elder and 1-2-3 you get thrown out too!!! Who will be making the wins?
Der be so much ass to kick, an so lil time! Rememba Carlita, you can use yo walker but jus as a weapon! But jus this once leave the dildo at home aight?
If Dervish turn out ta be Erkle I'm outta here.
Oh snappa wappa! Erkel you a slim Jim ha ha!!!
...hurm...
Holy Crap!! This fed just took a turn for the AWESOME!! 1-on-1 matches are super fun and all but nothing, and I mean nothing, beats a ringfull of beasts beating the crap out of each other.
It's like the Pantheon of ancient Rome!!
I would tell you to throw some hungry lions in there, but the ring will already be full with them!
More action than you can shake a stick at! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!
Thunderhammer be holdin' a candle aight, that candle his dick and its a twisty lil' birthday candle wit too much wick. Here to wishin' you a happy first year of bein' an obsolete nobody, butch assed bitch.
Mr. Trundle, as I lady, I say thank you. I agree my challenge ought to be upheld at a date determined by the Board. Nobody's Father, as a wrestler, I say keep to the turnbuckles and wrap those flabby arms tightly around your head because this wrestler, who also happens to be a woman, is going to drop your sorry ass. I will be coming for you first and I am going to power bomb a little equality into that thick skull of yours. I mean, as the only female wrestler in this league, I cannot allow garbage like you to keep walking around. So then I will have to break one, if not both, of your legs. Otherwise, what are impressionable young women like my Janey to think?
Oh and one other thing...when I feel your spine crack against my knee and your weak form drops to the mat twitching and writhing in agony and defeat, I WILL put my bra back on and get right back into the kitchen.
"The only female wrestler..."
Oh snap, son! I think she just said that La Pinta Nincompoopra is "packin' heat"...if ya' catch my drift!
I say that Serengeti Betty has a jungle going on down there, and I ain't no Tarzan, Daddy!
La Puta...my favorite kinds of pie were always made with brown sugar, baby! If you ever get yourself a sweet tooth, come on over, and I'll let ya' take a nibble of my pumpkin roll...
Seems to me I remember a lil Missy that ran her mouth awhile ago, saying this and saying that. That was right before I blistered her bottom and tanned her hide. Oh wait! That was Betty back then too! Lady, I told you before, I'm flattered you like to tussle it up on me when you can, but I'm a family man. You're just gonna have to get your nipples in a twitter over someone else, darlin', Somebody's Dad is not for you.
Such language! You forget yourself, sir!
Well it's just going to be one big fat circle jerk, isn't it? I wonder who's going to be tugging on La Pupa Negro's rod? Probably teh #1 California Faggot, King Kong "remember the" Glory "days?". What a fucking joke this battle royal is. Now they're letting Barnapee Pudwhistler in there? Fans in the first three rows had better bring a garbage bag to cover up with so they dont get hit by the flying goo. It'll be like an orgazmic Gallagher show. Maybe funnier though. Definitely twice as gay.
TURPS RUUULLEEZZZZ!!!
Everybody tuggin' on La Puta's jock, that what happen when you the best. Back in the day Carlita had e'reyone all up in his biz, but now he a retiree and nobody want nothin' to do wit him but ask him ta star in they Depends an' metamucil ads.
Aw hell no!!!
Damn dudes, this fed looks totally AWESOME and hardcore to the bone! I espeshally love the masked guys, so I'll be rooting for Rocky Sukiyaki, Black Pube and Whirling Dervish on Wednesday!
Nice suit, Henderson!
Hammer... out.
P.S. Let me congratulate Frontier management for running such a clean operation! Never before have I seen a Fantasy Video Game Wrestling outfit with such clean cut, honest characters! But action to boot! I can say that the asskicking is top shelf at the sleeze is at an acceptable minimum! Kudos to the warriors of Frontier Anarchy!
Hey, thanks a lot, Ronnie. And may I just say that I admire the tenacity with which you attack the news. Your fact-finding is impressive, as is your writing.
Why don't you two just unzip and get it over with! I haven't seen this much dick sucking going on since the last Welz family reunion!
Yeah, I haven't seen this much dick sucking since you sucked all the Welz's dicks at the last family reunion, you fucking WHORE!
_Yeah?!?...Well, when everyone else was wondering where the hell Blackpube the Pirate was, I knew exactly where to find him. He was trapped inside that Bermuda Triangle that you call an anus! He must have run aground on an open sore, and became shipwrecked or something, until the S.S. Penecilin pulled him to shore, you skanky fucking bildge-rat!
Don't fuck with me, cunt! I ain't no Pammy Dinkins...I'll fucking cut you from your asshole to your eye teeth, and turn you into one giant stank pussy!
Oh, is that one of the many talents you picked up in prison, you nasty trailer park skank? Like I'd even go anywhere near that nasty Black Pube guy... I have a fucking BOYFRIEND! His name is Kurt Murphy. What was your boyfriends name again? La Puta Negra? You're so fucking nasty, Mysti, you'd probably fuck that Rick Turpin guy.
Bitches, please. I know you're all geared up and have a taste for blood, but why don't you let the boys handle the fighting?
King Kong Glory... I've got a little something to show you tomorrow. It's called "Carl ripping your fucking head off and shitting down your throat before Carlplexing you out of the damn ring" It's pretty cool.
Ladies , Ladies, Ladies...There's no need for a catfight! But...if you are going to have one anyways, may I suggest that you schedule it for tonight, in my room at The Marriot... Room 369...I'll have plenty of plastic tarps & cake batter! Whoooot! WHOOOOOOOT!
You: A blond, mustachioed champion with a penchant for tooting his own horn.
Me: A DWF, 50-ish, heavyset, heavy drinker.
How 'bout lettin' me take a "toot" on that Studwhistle of yours?
Shit, I din' know it was possible ta smell the smell a rotten tuna through a computer screen. Christ ladies, ever hear a Summers Eve?
Who is this welz fellow? He's not one of the wrestlers. Is he on the Board of directors? So why does he get bad mouthed so much. That doesn't seem right.
Raul,
I believe they're referring to "The Millionaire" Matt Welz, a legendary grappler who will undoubtedly be inducted into the Hall of Fame one day. Fans will remember the Millionaire as the man who bought the Hungarian Championship from Cobra Commander in exchange for a piece of the Weather Dominator.
Following his lengthy career, which included running his own Detroit-based promotion, Welz retired from grappling to enter the world of karaoke - but the pull of the ring was too strong! He returned to the Nintendo Wrestling Association and later Fantasy Unlmited Championship Rasslin' in a managerial role. Last year, he managed Weirdbeard to several National Championship title reigns and also guided Big Daddy Seekee to his record THIRD World's Heavyweight Championship!
For more information on this legendary wrestler/manager/promoter/karaoke mastermind, check out the VGWA links on the Frontier Anarchy main page.
Don't forget Welz's legendary appetite for butt-sex!
Thanks for reminding me, Jenny Glorpp!
The Millionaire also dated Jenny Glorpp last season before she turned on him and began a brief affair with Fuji "The Brain of the South" Blassie, whom she eventually got deported. Jenny then married Count Dante, faked her death, revealed that she was under the mask of Profesor Infierno all along and then left the league with Dante... only to occasionally return on the message boards. Why she feels the need to hide under the mask of Infierno is beyond me though.
At any rate: Yes Raul, The Millionaire was known for having lots of butt-sex with Jenny Glorpp/Profesor Infierno prior to their break-up.
I hope this answers all of your questions.
I'M NOT JENNY GLORPP!!! I clearly left an escape bit from that on the messageboards at the end of the season, any true FUCR fan would know that. Gerald Schlotzky, if an honest man, should be able to point that out. I HATE YOU ALL!
Okay, Jenny.
Yaarrrghhh!!! You have terrible fashion sense! You know nothing of me or my work!
Okay, seriously Jenny... you were unmasked at the end of last season. What the fuck is going on here? Why are you back, and why are you wearing that stupid fucking mask? What, did Dante dump your skank ass or something? I bet that's what happened. And now, liek usual, you're back and you're probably going to try to fucking steal my boyfriend AS USUAL... god, just... just FUCK OFF, Jenny! I am so fucking sick of this bullshit! I'm fucking GROWN, Jenny. I'm a grown-ass goddamn woman, but you and Pammy Dinkins are constandly acting like little fucking baby girls adn shit! GAAAAAAAWWWWWDDD!!!!! I can't fucking take it!!! Just fucking DIE already, will you? Leave me alone!
yeah jenny i think shes sereous. you better go okay? really. this time, you need to like stay eated by count danti.
Stay your hand, Senor Murphy! The assurance of your whore's mental stability is enough to have me take my leave. Though your minds are clouded by deceit and treachery, I will float above you to dispense wisdom when it is most needed!
ADIOS!
Hey there, true believers! This reminds me of the time when Hank Pym (aka Yellowjacket) went all crazy and bitchslapped his wife, Janet Van Dyne (aka the Wasp)! Naturally, it turned out to be a problem with a supervillian, but I've never forgotten that classic issue of the Avengers! I think it was #181 or something like that.
At any rate - Murphy, your girlfriend is koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs! Slap that bitch!
Excelsior!
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