Welcome Fans...to more slamming, Jamming Wrasslin' action, with The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate!And now a word from Blackjack Billy...."Dang! last week, y'all saw that old, no good, Virginia Beach vagina sailor, Ebeneezer Wheezleton come out here, and smash the World Title Belt into little pieces! Well If You take a gander up top there, you'll see our brand new World Title Belt! 17 and a quarter pounds of gold, platinum, diamonds, and titanium! Wheezleton...I fucking dare you to come on back with yer' bullshit, again! I double dog dare ya' you sum-bitch! If you or anyone else decides they want to get all Jesus Christ-Carpenter like, with a hammer or some shit, and go a rap-tap-tapping on this belt....well, I'm gonna spit some Beechnut in that dude's eye, and shoot 'em with my old .45, ! And as for La Puta Negra being some kinda' Champ -n-shit...well you ain't in it till' ya' win it, and when you realize your in it, well, your in too deep! What I'm sayin' is you aint shit but another skinbag, trying to make a name...just don't be tryin' to be makin' that name offa' me or this company...or yer' new name is gonna be mud! Other than that...good luck!"
"Now, another thing I didn't realize, is that it is about time for another Free For View Extravaganza! We been so busy kickin' ass & takin' names, that we plum almost forgot! So...in two weeks from tonight...January 28th 2009...Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate will hold the first ever FANSTRAVAGANZA!!! This is a night for the best fans in this sport, the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Fans, to get exactly what they want! So fans...I'm talkin' to you, Rick Turpin, Sally Fingerle, Pammy Dinkins. Dan Browning, Hube, Merle, Carl The Janitor, Uncle Mike, Ted The Strongman....all of ya'! Send in your dream matches! Fanstravaganza will be booked by you, the fans! You have to weeks! please send us your match ideas, and maybe you will be one of the lucky fans who get to see one of their dream matches come true! Remember...be creative! We know you can come up with some great stuff! Please send your matches in via email to: frontieranarchygrappling@yahoo.com "!
And Now, on with the show!
Our first match is Knuck Finn VS The Alabama Sweetpickle. Knuck had a good showing in the battle royale last week, and brings the action to the Pickle right from the opening bell! But no matter what he does...uses a towel...bangs it on the edge of the countertop...switches hands...he cannot break the lid off that jar of sweet, sweet, Alabama pickles! The Pickle chips out some blows, stacks on some holds, and spears another Vlassic victory from Knuck Finn!
WINNER: The Alabama Sweetpickle
Making his way to the ring now, is former champ, Carl Stonewall. He will be meeting the challenge, this week, of The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless. Carl lives up to his name. He is tough like a "Stone Wall"! He's hard as rock, and tough to break through...he will stand the test of time...but if it's one thing a Bounty Hunter knows how to do, it's collect. So if the prize is hiding behind Stonewalls, then you just have to creep through the window or the backdoor, and knab your man, which is what Carl found out...the hard way!
WINNER: The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless
Up next is a match featuring Koschei The Deathless VS Mick Truck Drivor. Koschei wanted a shot at the Sydicate Tag Team Championships, but scheduling conflicts would not allow it...wait...what's this...Somebody's Dad is coming to the ring area, and grabbing a microphone!
"Truck, this fool wants a shot at out tag belts? Well, Somebody's Dad has a big match tonight, for the #1 conteder's spot for the World Title! But, hell, I got 5 minutes, and I think that's all it would take to put this whippersnapper to rest, so I'll tell ya' what...If it's "okey dokey" with Blackjack & the Board, we'll give you a shot, Koschei...but just you! Pick up some loser partner later, because I don't have time to wait! If you can beat me AND The Truck, you can have these stinkin' belts, but if we beat you, then you have to stop being such a big crybaby pussy!"...Blackjack Billy, who has made his way down the ramp said, "whatever you shitheels decide is fine with me! I hope ya'll kill yourselves!", and walked to the back. Koschei looked around at the fans, and his daughter at ringside, and then back at S.D. & Truck, and with a maniacal smile on his face, said, "YOU'RE ON!"
And with the bell, the mugging started! Somebody's Dad and Mick Truck Drivor were all over Koschei, Pummeling him with all they could dish out! They had him bloodied in minutes. Oh sure, they had to tag, but with 2 on 1, and a solid knowledge of tag team wrestling under their belts, they worked Koschei over! With Koschei down on the mat, The Truck called S.D. into the ring to put a few nails in the coffin of Koschei The Deathless. Somebody's Dad climbed through the ropes, and took his belt off. He wound the leather around his fist, and left that buckle right out front, for walloping power. As Mick turned to give instructions of destruction to Dad, S.D. let one rip right between Drivor's eyes! With that he turned and left the ring! As a punchdrunk Truck drivor spun around, Koschei's eyes opened wide, and he reached up and throttled the throat of Drivor! Koschei stood up, grasping Truck's throat and delivered a viscious chokeslam! 1-2-3! We have new tag team champions...er champion? Koschei The Deathless? Who will he choose as a partner to defend those titles with?!?
WINNER: Koschei The Deathless
A camera crew has caught up with Somebody's Dad backstage, and he had this to say:
"This place is full of delinquints, rule breakers, and roust-about lazy bums, who have no respect whatsoever! I could smell the dope on that burnout loser Koschei a mile away! Him and that Murphy kid smelled like the underside of a set of high school bleachers before 4th period, when they walked in here tonight! Well, just remember, Somebody's Dad has some tough love, and disipline for all of you! You can't trust anybody around here, so S.D. is sticking to himself...and remember children...be seen and not heard, because if I hear any of you crying...well...I'll give you something to cry about!"
We now go back to the ringside area, where the next bout is about to take place. It is the Intercontinational Title Match between Buck Trundle, the champ, and his challenger this week, Serengeti Betty! Betty stretches in the ring, while the champ makes his usual entrance...the old stars ans stripes are waving, and Buck greets his fans on the way to the ring! USA-USA-USA rings through the crowd, as Buck gets a kiss on the cheek from some little grandmother, before sliding in the ring.
These two get underway, and it's a quick one! Catch as catch can wrestling...lots of chain manuevers...wow! What a match! Buck is riding her, but Betty sits out! and Again! She's so quick, it seems to be frustrating even old Buck Trundle! Buck backs her into the corner...and...crack! a knife edge chop to the chest! Ouch! You don't see that from Buck too often, but it seems to have slowed Serengeti Betty down a step. Trundle shoots her into the ropes,... a duck...a leapfrog, another duck...oh!, and Betty dives over Buck with a sunset flip! The roll-up...1-2-3! Holy Smokes! We have a new Intercontinational Champion! The fans can't believe it! They are cheering! What a match! True sportsmanship to the end!
Buck shakes Betty's hand and leaves the ring, with his head hung low in disgust. Betty has her hand raised by the ref! Buck stops and takes the belt into the ring. He shakes Betty's hand again, and tells her to turn around, so he can buckle the strap on her! Betty, with her hands raised turns to the crowd, as Buck goes to strap on the belt...but wait! Buck winds up, and bashes Betty in the back of the head with the belt! What the hell?!? Buck is kicking the hell out of the new champ! Betty tries to make it to her feet numerous times, as a crazed Trundle taunts her, and kicks her back down! Buck mounts her and punches her repeatedly in the face! My God! Trundle bodyslams a limp Serengeti Betty, and drags her out of the ring by her leg, over to the timekeepers table! He hoists her up and...BAM! crashes through the table, delivering a piledriver to a motionless Betty! Fans are screaming, and children are covering their eyes, cowering behind their parents! I think I see an old lady crying! This is a heinous mugging! Oh no...no...Buck now takes his fingers and wipes some blood from Betty's forehead and writes "Buck" across the belt, in Betty's own blood! Referees, and other wrestlers finally come from the back to help, as Buck turns tail, and hightails it to the back! That was just dastardly!!! I know that myself...and the fans...have to ask...Why Buck? WHY?
WINNER: Serengeti Betty, Intercontinational Champion
This may be poor timing, but fans, we have been joined tonight at ringside by actor, Mickey Rourke...star of the new movie, "The Wrestler". Welcome to the show Mr. Rourke! We love your new movie! Front row seats for Mickey...right next to Sally Fingerle, the girlfriend of Frontier star, Kurt Murphy. Speaking of Murph, we now go to the action in the ring....
It's Kurt Murphy VS Blackpube The Pirate! These two stare each other down as they wait for the bell! *DING*...and he we go! Kurt & Blackpube go round & round with each other! Lot's of quick offense and defense! Kurt Murphy seems totally focused on the task at hand. He is wrestling with that laser-like presision that could only mean one thing...that Somebody's Dad was right! I bet he & Koschei The Deathless planned on taking the high road here tonight!Oh...now what is this? Buck Trundle makes his way to ringside, and is giving instructions to Kurt Murphy from the floor. Haven't you done enough already tonight, Buck? Blackpube shoots Kurt into the ropes, and Buck Trundle reaches out and trips Kurt! Kurt turns and sticks his head outside the ropes and starts to give Trundle an ear full. *BAM*! Trundle just blasted Murphy with some brass knucks! Blackpube with a reverse rollup...1-2-3!
Sally Fingerle has jumped the barricade, and is all up in Trundle's face, as Kurt Murphy lies unconscious in the ring! Buck just laughs, as she pokes his chest with her finger! All of a sudden, Blackpube spins her around and punches her right in the fucking mouth! "This sport is a man's sport!", he bellows, as Sally Fingerle's body crumples to the floor! "I'm sick and tired of ALL these broads around here running their mouth! From the fans...to Serengoofy Butthole...to La Pint of Pissra! You can count Me, Blackpube The Pirate, as a dues paying member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club!"...just then Mickey Rourke jumps the barricade and comes to the aid of Fingerle, and Blackpube hits the bricks, laughing on his way back to the locker room! "I watched your movie on a bootleg disc, so suck, Rourke! HA-HA!"...said Blackpube...
WINNER: Blackpube The Pirate
Up next is one half of our double main event this evening! Rocky Sukiyaki challenges Cap'n Bitcheyes for the World Heavyweight Title! Rocky makes his way to the ring and grabs the microphone! He looks ready to rumble! As he opens his mouth to speak, we hear loud bass tones begin to thump through the P.A. System! It's James Brown's "Living In America"! We see a beautiful parade float being pulled to the ring by old men dressed like Uncle Sam! A bevy of lovely ladies surround the float! They are all dressed in G-strings and nothing else, except for that their bodies are painted with green body paint. They are wearing crowns similar to the Statue of Liberty, and carrying tablets & torches. The Cap'n is on top of the float, hamming it up, as usual. "I want YOU -n-shit! I WANT YOU Mutha'fucka'! I'm like the Father of Professional Fantasy Videogame Wrasslin' -n-shit! 4 score and 7 years ago, I had sex with yo' mama -n-shit, and blaaooww! How ya' like me now! I chopped that mutha'fuckin' cherry tree to the ground -n-shit...I ain't gonna lie!". Bitcheyes appears to be dressed as George Washington.
Rocky is shaking his head and clenching his teeth & fists, waiting for Bitcheyes to hit the ring. When he does, they immediately start to trade blows! It's a pier sixer! A bodyslam here, a hip toss there!...The action hangs thick in the air! Sukiyaki squares up & attempts to hit the Cap'n with the green mist sprayed from his lips, but Bitcheyes saw it coming and has grabbed a tablet from one of his Liberty Beauties! He blocks the spray, and waffles Rocky with the tablet over the head! *KONK!* Bitcheyes goes for the pin, and puts both legs up on the ropes for leverage! 1-2-3! Captain Bitcheyes wins! He rolls Sukiyaki out of the ring, and invites all the Uncle Sams & Statue Of Liberty babes into the ring to dance, as he sings, "Born in the USA -n-shit! I was Born In The USA -n-shit...Gone to kill, the yellow man -n-shit! Gas meisers and refineries, no wear to run -n-shit, no where to go, mu'fucka'! I..am the World Champ-een -n-shit! Glory Days...and a one an and tha' young gurlz are -n-shit, Glorydays....Glory Daaaa-ay-ay-ay-ays!". What a jack ass!
WINNER: Cap'n Bitcheyes
Our final match of the evening is a three way dance. An open contract to face The Champ has been placed atop a greased pole in the corner. Whoever gets the contract wins, and may face the Champ at their leisure! The Whirling Dervish, the silent assasin makes his way to the ring first. No fanfare for him. He is focused and somber. Next in is Somebody's Dad. With him is a man who looks familiar...is it?...Yes! It is wrestling great Bronson Thunderhammer! S.D. grabs the microphone..."You pukes can all kiss Somebody's Ass! I don't trust any of you pieces of trash, so I brought a bodyguard! Try anything funny with me, and I'll just have to call down the THUNDER!"....Now we hear the noises of rhythmic afrocentric drumming coming down the aisle! It's La Puta Negra! Whoo Whoo! She is dressed in full Carnivale' regalia! She is holding a bunch of leashes. At the end of her leashes are a slew of white slave girls. The white slave girls are also holing leashes! At the end of their leashes are a bunch of Capuchin Monkeys! The monkeys are all painted up in white face, with little red wigs on! HAHAHA! They are all dressed as Cap'n Bitcheyes...except for the lead monkey! He is dressed up like a little Carl Stonewall, with a little blue singlet on and a gray fake goatee! The monkeys are also holding leashes connected to various game hens, flamingos, and other exotic birds! WOW! The ASPCA must just love us!
Bronson Thunderhammer swats the monkeys away, as La Puta climbs into the ring and gets ready to do the three way dance! *DING-DING!* there's the bell! It's like, all of a sudden the ring just started on fire! The action is hot! The three competitors are at each others throats with a fierceness! This ain't no game of slap & tickle, thats for sure! La Puta and Somebody's Dad are double-teaming The Whirling Dervish, and toss him out to the floor! Oh my! He is being kicked and stomped by the white slave girls of La Puta Negra! Thunderhammer grabs one of the spare leashes, and slides in the ring! He wraps it around the neck of Negra, and begins to choke the shit out of her! Somebody's Dad gets all up in her face, chewing her out and grabs ahold of her top! *RRRRIP!* He tears it off, leaving La Puta Negra's Ta-Ta's exposed, while Bronson Thunderhammer keeps the leash tight around he neck!
Fuck you, I ain't interested in your shriveled lady parts, you dirty old Shirley-come-lately!", says S.D., as he uses the top to wipe down the pole! Somebody's Dad climbs up and grabs the contract! We have a winner...and new #1 contender! Somebody's Dad!
WINNER: Somebody's Dad
Just then, wrestlers start to run out from the back! It's Carl Stonewall...Kurt Murphy...Knuck Finn...Blackpube...Truck Drivor...everyone! The ring is filling up, as everyone is brawling!
The Whirling Dervish throws down a smokeball...*POOF*...and when the smoke clears, the silent assasin is gone! Punches and kicks and slams are flying! It's PANDEMONIUM!
That's all the time we have this week! See you next Wednesday everyone!
49 comments:
Whah Buck, Whah? Whah Buck, Whah? That's all Ah bin hearin' since the matches took place, "Whah Buck, Whah?"
Well, Ah'll tell ya whah! 'Cause Ah'm sick n' tired a bein' the nice guy! I'm sick n' tired a bein' ev'rybody's ol buddy ol pal while Ah keep gettin' passed by fer the promotion or the big title shot. Ah get mah hands on a title belt and what happens? The Board a D'rectors constantly undermines mah talent n mah 'bility by puttin' me in matches with women-folk! You think I'm some kinda Nancy-Boy? That what you think, Blackjack?
An then there's this Kurt Murphy punk thinkin' he's the cat's damn pajamas! Ah tried ta give ya some advice kid n' what happ'nd? Did you listen? Did you hear the sage words of a vet'ran grappler? Hell no! Ya just kep'on bangin that nasty trollop a yers and ya keep on losin' matches like ya did this week! Go on behind the shed n' smoke yer damn weed, kid! You sure ain't on the path to winnin' a belt anytime soon!
Serengetti Betty... ya wanted ta play with the big boys and ya got yer shot. Ya beat me, and Ah ain't never been one ta cry over no spilt milk. Congratu-godamn-lations. Ah'll thank ya kindly ta remember that you almost lost yer shot at mah belt, but through the grace o' Buck n' my good will t'wards women, I petitioned the Board ta give ya one.
Now, mah 'ntention was ta beat ya so bad ya wouldn't be able ta make it back inta the ring. Don't think I made good on that 'ntention, but oh well - ya can't win 'em all. Since Ah know yer alright and our little game just gave ya a few stitches, some bruises n' a headache, what say we 'ngage ourselves in a little rematch? Ah even bought you a ring for our 'ngagement - a ring wrapped in barbed-wire! Now, Ah know ya like the kinky stuff, so Ah got some leather straps 'bout 6 feet long ta tie 'round our necks... that's right!
Serengetti Betty - Ah'm challengin' you to a barbed wire Strap Match for the Intercontinational Championship! Ah want mah belt back!
Nice, Somebody's who's very unlucky DAD. Win another match with shenanigans and tom foolery. It's not like you could ever win a match straight up, 1 on 1... with no outside help.
Hell, I'd destroy your stupid ass in no time flat but we'll never see that cuz you always need some outside BULLSHIT to win yer matches.
I'm challenging you to a match! Loser gets the fuck out of this fed match! That means if you lose, that #1 contendership you have is completely OBSOLETE and you have to LEAVE. If I lose, it's back to the ship on the seven seas for me.
What say you, Somebody's PUSSY!?!
Perhaps, Mr Trundle, if you fight was well IN the ring as you did OUT of the ring, you may actually win this rematch. And for a man who has the gaul to whine to the Board about being booked in a match against a women you were awfully eager to get back into the ring with me! I guess you don't mind being a Nancy-Boy, do you!?
From the Quill-tipped Pen of Ebeneezer Wheezleton...
*ahem* Contendership-Shcmendership. No one has pinned La Puta Negra, therefore she remains the TRUE WORLD'S CHAMPION!
Good show, my dear! You make me proud and you bring honor to your title!
Ebeneezer Wheezleton,
President in TRUST
Koschei, you need a parnter for them belts. I need a belt, my pants keep falling down. Is it a deal?
Okay, first let me say that I am shocked and disgusted by Buck Trundle! I thought you were a gentleman and all like, into sportsmanship and stuff? And why did you attack my boyfriend?
Secondly - Isn't there some sort of rule against attacking fans? I think Black Pube should be fined and maybe fired! I certainly don't think he should be given that match against Somebody's Dad that he asked for! Fuck that asshole!
HOLY CRAP!! What a show!?! You guys get better and better with every episode.
- Somebody needs to put somebody's dad in his place.
- Bronson Thunderhammer? Are you serious? you looked more beaten than Rick Rude... and he's DEAD!
- Buck, tough break. Cry me a river. But doesn't one usually go to the bottom of the proverbial ladder after losing the belt, and not stay directly at the top? Maybe somebody else wants a piece of that belt.
- Koschei, Who will you pick as your partner? Lots of great talent out there to choose from. I always saw you teaming with Blackpube.
- Kurt Murphy, how are you still in this Fed? Oh yea, ask your stupid GF how those yellow stars tasted that were dancing all around her head. DAMN, Blackpube!
Hey Sally, I think I have a solution that should make everybody happy.
It's no secret that ol' Carl ain't as quick as he used to be. I've lost a step or two - losing to a chump like Buck Lawless proved it. So I've been rethinking a lot of things. Blackjack was good enough to offer me a place here in Frontier Anarchy and we both benefitted from it. He got one of the top draws in the history of the sport and I got a chance to be the only Hall of Famer to win the World's Title.
Somebody's Dad - you know I respect the hell out of you. Black Pube... not so much. Tell me what you guys think of this: A three-way dance.
If Somebody's Dad gets pinned - he loses his #1 contendership.
If Black Pube gets pinned - he loses his mask.
If ol' Carl gets pinned... he loses his contract.
So it isn't so much about what we have to gain, it's what we have to LOSE. What do you say, boys?
Hey Raul, why don't you go the fuck back to Mexico and let me handle mah own damn problems? Just 'cause yer boyfriends didn't get on here fast 'nuff to issue a challenge ain't mah problem.
Better yet, I work alone. I want a shot at that Intercontination Belt. THAT should hold my pants up. If yer giving Buck a rematch, have him face me first as a #1 contendership match. Then later on that same night I'll beat the pants off of SeringotteSTD Betty. Yes, I'll rassle two matches in one night and WIN them both!
Heh heh... hey Koschei, wanna run with the big dogs n' shit? I could use another belt for my muthafuckin' collection. I had the Intercontinational; traded it for the World. Wouldn't mind bein' called a tag champ in addition to bein' called "the Greatest Muthafuckin' World Champion That Ever Lived" n' shit!
Dervish, yer dad wasn't given the opportunity ta pull out all them years ago, though I bet he wished he woulda. Quit changin' yer mind like a damn woman. Shut up n' mind yer damn business. This here fights between me n' Betty.
Why Buck, why? I can't believe you turned on the fans!
i know i aint won alot or nothing but rual im in this league cuz im a good wrestler and a hard worker. there are alot of really good wrestlers here and i am a young guy and you gotta work your way up and even randy savage lost alot when he started out new and before he sold the slimjims or whatevs but he got there and made it big and wrestled hogan and all that happended to him cuz he also worked hard and i might not being doing so good but i know i have Potential and also sally taught me about having Determanating and about having Heart (it means caring about things) and its hard to do all that and be Positive when peoples you admired is a cheater and hits you when your down and is a jerk and not a nice dude like he pretended to be before. AND WHAT THE FUCK BLACKDUDE YOU DONT PUNCH MY GIRLFRIEND CUZ THAT SHIT IS WRONG! cuz you dont see me showing up with a body guard like Someones Dad cuz he is all scared or something. WHAT ABOUT THTA? he brings a dude to protect him like hes Someones Fat Kid (no ofense about fat kids) afraid of a bully! I want in that 3way to make it a 4way! im not having alot of wins but i got some grudges! bring it on mofos!
oh and thanks mr rourke for taking sally and me to outback steakhouse after the match cuz that was super nice and its a really good restarant and we really apreciate it dude that was pretty sweet
What do you do with a Cap'n Bitcheyes?
Give him the belt and he parts the ladies thighs.
What do you do with a Cap'n Bitcheyes EARLY IN THE MORNIN?
Heh heh... you don't do shit, 'cause when you're the Cap'n, you been partyin' all night and you rarely wake before noon! But you gotta get up pretty damn early to beat me, as Mr. Suckmycocki found out. Hey, why don't you team up with Black Pube and go retire somewhere together? He seems keen to do that n' shit.
Who's next? Who wants a piece of my brilliance? My magnificence? My muthafuckin' GLOOOOORYYYY!?!??!
BLAOWWW! How ya like me now?
Hey guys,
I gotta say, I'm really dissapointed in Buck Trundle. Wow, what a jerk! I guess it hurts more because I really trusted him, and it really hits home because my dad used to beat my mom when I was growing up. That's just not cool, Buck.
I especially think it's not cool for Black Pube to hit Sally Fingerle. It's one thing when it's a contracted wrestler, but striking a fan is uncalled for.
If you ask me (sorry to play armchair booker), I think Kurt Murphy should be allowed to get some measure of revenge. I don't see what Somebody's Dad or Carl Stonewall have to do with it. Why not book Murphy vs. Pube in a cage?
thanks guys,
Dan Browning
Hey there, true believers!
This whole situation reminds me of a story I wrote a long time ago in which Dr. Light snuck aboard the Justice League satellite and raped Sue Dibney! When the rest of the JLA found out, boy were they mad! They ended up mindwiping Dr. Light and Sue so she'd forget the events ever happened, because they knew that the Elongated Man would want a piece of Light and because ... well, it's a long story.
We don't have mindwiping and magic in the real world, but Kurt Murphy DOES deserve some revenge! I agree with that bearded sasquatch-looking fellow: Put Murphy and Pube in a steel cage!
Excelsior!
Like, totally1 You're right Dan! Now I know that me and Sally Fingerbowl have had our "differences" in the past, (being that she can be a little bit whore-ish at times)But it ain't cool for that puss-bag, poop smelling, pud-whacking pirate to be putting his hands on a "lady"! I think someone should teach him a few lessons! Somebody's Dad, I know that you aren't my Dad, but you kind of remind me of him a little. Please show that nasty son of a bitch a thing or two about a thing or two! Maybe, if not this week, you could do it at FANSTRAVAGANZA!
Miss Trundle are you going to respond to me, you sagging pussied bitch? You like the way it feels when you hit a woman? You like the feel of a soft well-exfoliated cheek cracking against your fist? You like to hold her hair while you bloody her heart-shaped lips and watch her legs quiver as you kick in her ribs? So do I Miss Trundle, so do I. And I am going to so enjoy beating the living fuck out of such a beautiful womanly iris as yourself next week. Remember to moisturize before the match next week Sugar Pie - I want those breasts of yours to glisten and sparkle like morning dew as I slap them red and raw.
Wow, such conniving, such strategic skullduggery, such downright backstabbyiness! What a night!
Now let's see, I can defend these belts with a recognized Champ-een, or I can team up with a three time loser? Hmmm...
I think my choice is clear...
Bitcheyes, prepare your most beautiful ring mavens!
Oh muthafuckin' SHIT! You made the right decision, my friend, and one you will not regret.
Oh... I'm sorry, who's won every damn title in Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate? The muthafuckin' CAP'N!
Now who wants to challenge us?
Cap'n, You haven't WON shit. You cheated and scammed, but you haven't earned anything. Beat me 1-on-1 with 2 referees and absolutely nobody allowed at ringside, and you can call yourself a true champion. If you don't accept this challenge, your "championship" means just as much as manliness... absolutely nothing at all!
Oh, Ah'm sorry, Betty - were you talkin'? Ah thought that was one a them little yap yap dogs just a'barkin' it's fool head off.
Damn Betty, all this talk 'bout heart shaped lips n' quiverin' hips has left a bundle in the Trundle. A bundle Ah'm sure you'd like ta take a look at n'maybe rassle with a bit? But let's save that fer after the match.
Next week, Ah'm takin' mah belt back and then it's a straight line to the top a the heap. But this here's what a call a FEUD, and that means its'a gonna get worse fore it gets better. Texas Strap Match - Barbed Wire Ropes. You n' me, with mah belt on the line. Bring it, missy.
Koschei & Captain, eh? That sounds like a delicious mixed drink! But watch out...too much of it will put you on your ass! We can't wait to see these two in action!
Who's got the guts to get it on with these two? Any challengers?
So far, next week we have:
Serengeti betty VS Buck Trundle - The Rematch
New Syndicate Tag Team Champions, Koschei The Deathless & The Cap'n Bitcheyes VS ?
And will Kurt Murphy be looking for some payback on Blackpube?...We shall see...
Sorry Mr. Dervish, but The World Champion will be defending his half of the tag team championships this coming week. If you want a piece of him bad enough...I suggest you find yourself a partner. The contract is still open...
Oh shit! I want a shot at Buck Trundle... no, I want a shot at Spaghetti Betty... no, I wanna be Kooshoo's partner... no, now I want a shot at Trundle, THEN Betty... no, now I want a shot at the Cap'n!
How 'bout you shut your damn mouth so I don't have to hear anymore diarhea cheese spewin' out? The Capn's never beat no one? How bout the 15 muthafuckers I beat to win this belt... including YOU! And who have you beat? BUCK LAWLESS?!?! That don't make you a contender, it makes you a janitor, cleanin the shit out the toilet!
Dervish, you had your shot and you blew it, just like The Cap'n blew his filthy load all over your mom's face! BLAOOWW!! Shut the fuck up and sit down. I'd tell you to get yourself a partner and challenge for my brand new tag belts, but I know you ain't got no friends!
The Cap'n, the Cap'n - always makin' things happen!
UH YEAH i want a shot at blackdude! fuckin aayyyy i want a shot! i want some payback for him hitting my gal and all that crap and what the eff i am real serious bout this dudes so i aint being all fun and games this time. she is a nice girl and i really love her and she is a hard worker and she dont deserve to be treated bad by some sea salt fucknob who needs to be friends with a cheater like trunel and hit fans and stuff and cant make a challenge like a man but gots to make stupid jokes and then pertends like its a challenge and all the crap cuz i remember how i got screwed the other week liek how im got screwed this week too. STEP UP OR STEP OUT OFF THE PLANK PIRATE!!! here im gonna show you how to do it and make a real challenge k?
I CHALLENGE BACKPUBE THE PIRATE TO A STEEL CAGE MATCH!
mr dan the steel cage was a good idea thanks man
So far, next week we have:
Intercontinational Champion, Serengeti Betty VS Buck Trundle - The Rematch
New Syndicate Tag Team Champions, Koschei The Deathless & The Cap'n Bitcheyes VS ?
Kurt Murphy VS. Blackpube The Pirate - STEEL CAGE MATCH!
Aw shit, La Puta got her titties exposed! That hasn't happend in hours! At least Dad got a lil' boner outta it, an' I do mean lil'. That's cool tho, Weez's got ma back and I'm still struttin' like I'm puttin', holes in ones bitches!
Maybe La Puta should put a lil' bit a peppa in dis tailpipe? Add a lil more gold to ma waist? Dervs baby, you got enough in ya to take dem tags?
Well well well...all for one and none for all. There's only a couple a guys over here that have any integrity at all, Somebody's Dad being one of them. When he asked me to cover his back I was more than happy to do so and I'll help him out whenever he asks. There's no school like the old school and class is in session motherfuckers! Somebody's Dad is looking like the one to beat, good luck ladies!
Nice to see you've landed a babysitting gig since FUCR ended! Must be hard going from being a wrestler to just standing around watching one, but when times are hard work is work! I am just glad you are able to be proud of what you do and not feel ashamed.
Well shit. If Pube is booked against Murph that leaves Dad open fer a match against ol' Carl.
What do you say, Dad? No bullshit, no "loser leaves" whatever, no "put your contendership on the line"... just two old fashioned guys going at it like two old fashioned guys do. I don't care for the company you keep, but at least it isn't that Glory loser.
And I'll buy the Coors after the match.
Kurt, baby - you got your match! I hope you kick that fuckers ASS! I'm making you a special mix tape just for this occasion. It's filled with lots of tough songs by AC/DC, Korn and RATM.
Do it for me, baby. And then the following week we can kick Buck Trundle's ass too for the way he turned on you. That was NOT cool.
babe mix tapes RULE! im real stoked! man i'll be hitting Pube for you in the face alot cuz you cant be in there fighting yourself and i know youd be real good at kickin his butt cuz your are getting real REAL good at the gym and practicing moves like we showed you to do! your the sorta babe a guy could spend the rest of his career tagged up with and not just like you are a manager even though you are smart and could it do great but i mean like a tag partner you can count on and do sweet moves with and all and who wouldnt say they were your mentor and be suporting and nice to you cuz youre learning and listen to you and then be a jerkoff and turn on you like trudel did to me cuz that hurt. not in the pain way hurt hurts but in the way when my dog eddie died cuz he got in the still and got the shits all over the yard and i was hurt cuz he was a good dog and killed lots of rats. yeah he hurt me like that and that is NOT COOL and he should apolgize but i know you wont ever do that stuff and we could totally kicks some serious ass together!
Hey Kurt! Can Sally still give those awesome blowjobs with her lips swelled up to the size of overripe casaba melons? Ha ha ha! That's right California faggots and Colorado assbandits! The Turps hasnt ben around for awhile, but now Im back to let you know I can really shake em down.
Buck Trundle, Im sorry you lost your belt but Im glad you made the right decision to fuck Serrengeti Betty right the fuck up, just the way the Turps wouldve done it if I had been there. Big ups to Black Pubes as well, but your still a faggot for wearing ladies underoos on your head and having a stupid fucking name like Black Pubes. I almost hope Kurt Murphy beats you in that cage, but I hate his girlfriend so much, I don't hope so. Fuck you both.
Somebodys Dad versus Carl Stonewall. Thats liek the blind leading the blind. Becaus theyre both so old they went blind!
And now Elton John holds the WOrld title and the Tag titles? Fuck that faggotry!
cant wait till next week! TURPS RULEZZZZZZZ!!!!!!
I just fired my manager who got me this gig in FAGS. It's far too fitting for a Board of FAGGOT Directors to spoonfeed the greatest fag of them all, capn dickeyes. I entered this fed to join the elite in Fantasy Wrestling, not to watch a mockery be made of it.
Capn, you are the greatest rassler in all of the Fantasy Anarchy Grapling Syndicate, a title you certainly "earned".
I'm going back to JAPAN! NOW! Smell you later!
HOLY CRAP!! The Dervs just quit and moved back to Japan!!
Maybe it was because he challenged Capn before he had a confirmed match (which they still doesn't have) with the new tag belts and the board said he can't take on Dervs unless Dervs finds a partner and it's a tag match. These are the same Tag Belts the Board was shitting on while Somebody's Dad had both belts. I guess a challenge really doesn't mean shit.
Neither of these problems would have occured if rasslers could only have one belt at a time like in FUCR.
Whoa, I didn't know the Dervish was from Japan.
So is the Dervish takin' Poopa's challenge or what? If not, I'll take a chunk a the Pupa next week!
What's up Dervish, you takin' up the Tag challenge, takin' my challenge, or crawling back to Japan with your tail (dildo) between your legs?
Wait, I didn't mean "my challenge", whatever, make up your fuckin' mind Scurvish, you'se holdin' up the works.
Can no one pin La Puta???
Did the Dervish fucking finally quit? And he was from Japan, huh? Maybe that's why no one could understand him. Or maybe it was because he issued a challenge to everyone on the entire fucking roster and talked out of his asshole all the time.
Smell you later...
Forever..?
Never Squeal on a pusher, Dont lie to your Mama, Just do what you wanna, But Dont FUCK with me! Somebody's Gay Dad you just broke the rules of the road! Never fuck with your rollion' partner! Looks like you couldnt up keep your part of the convoy. I am gonna have to educate you on somethin' called road justice. And Carl, We been up and down the road and back. I never much liked you. And you get in my way? You'll go splat like a mosquito on the windshield. Lets make this 3-way dance. My log books lookin clear and I am headed East bound and down right up your ass! Hammer Down!
Ol' "Truck" Drivor... always tryin' to get up my ass.
Where is Ronnie Havershiem when you need him? SOMEONE needs to investigate the obvious bias this fed has against The Whirling Dervish!
So he issued multiple challenges. That just proves how tough he is and how willing he is to go the distance to take on ANYONE and EVERYONE in this po dunk fed. The fact that you can't understand his logic only proves the point that he is communicating on a higher level than the rest of you. You're like ants and he is like a human and you can't figure him out. Who can figure out God? Not me. Certainly not you and certainly not Blackjack or his stupid Boared.
I rest my case.
Henderson...blow it out your ass. The Dervs gets the same chances, and the same treatment as everyone else here. If he is that much of a giant man eating pussy, then let him go back to Japan. They love seafood over there...
Could we get a listing of all the matches that have been booked please? I'm trying to keep score at home and 47 goddamn comments make it awfully fucking confusing.
P.S. - way to go, Betty! Kick his ass again!
P.P.S. - I'd wish you good luck, La Puta, but I don't think you need it against Knuck Finn!
The economy may be bad right now but there's two things that are always hiring around here: Somebody's Fists! Gonna stick around and throw your hissy fits? That's fine, I've got enough ass whoopin's to shell out for all a you! La Pootsta, you nasty three fingered leper whore. I'd like nothing more than to give you the time out you sorely seem to be needing, yet no one is giving to you. The only thing worse than a snitty little girl is when that little girl grows up to be a toothless skank what ain't got any manners or decorum. There's so many of you blowhards that seem to wanna crack at Somebody's skull now that I don't even know where to begin. If I go after one person, all the other short bus kids will actually stop picking their noses just long enough to bitch about why they don't get to fight me. So whoever the league wants to put me up against is just a-ok with this guy.
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