Next Wednesday's Card:
Kuck Finn & Rocky Sukiyaki VS Somebody's Dad & Bronson Thunderhammer
Cap'n Bitcheyes VS Koschei The Deathless - Ladder Match for the paternal rights of Lil' Janey
JoMax & JayBob of Intensive Industries VS The Rock-n-Roll Foundation
Carl Stonewall & The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless VS The Sweet-Winkle Connection
-Syndicate Tag Team Title Match
Buck Trundle VS Kurt Murphy - The Old Bull Against The Young Lion, In A 60 Minute IRON MAN MATCH! The man with the most pinfalls at the end of 1 hour wins!
Mick "Truck" Drivor VS La Puta Negra
-Intercontinational Title Match
Weirdbeard VS Serengeti Betty
-World Heavyweight Title Match
69 comments:
*clank clank* I AM the COMMODORE 6ffff-4...n-SHIT! THE CCCCAptain TOT-ally RUles-n-ShIt!! *BZZZZZZZ* *CHCACHCA* Go CAptain GO! Ttttthe CommoDore Has gOT YOUR BBBB_ack -n- shit!!! MMMy Platinum CirCUITS GO blinG-BlInG! It is hard to LOOK TTTHis Goooooood the sum of $64,000 DDDdolars-n-shit!!!
Oh snap! It's like my own personal Serpentor/Twiki combo n' shit! Ooh eee oooh ahh ahh, ting tang walla walla bing bang! What devilishly smooth scientist is behind this mechanical monstrocity of awesomeness? Enquirin' minds need to know!
DDDDDOING it to IT LIKe there A-A-Aint noTHING TTT-O IT! *CLANK-CLANK* aLL OF these fools are projecTING a FLUID from theiR_R_R ORAL orifices, similar to Hum-m-man excramenttt *BUZZ-chcachca* mixed with D-D-D-dairy productttt *zzzzz-wkawka*
This is what it's reduced to now. Why don't you put away your talking calculators and get to the business of sucking like you normally do and not sucking to this new level you've achieved. I'm sure if you knew your mother, she'd be very proud.
I've got a sun dial that knows it's ABC's Hube!
If you're gonna use something with the word Dial in it, why don't you try the soap, you look like matted goat hide and smell twice as bad.
Aw Hube, my goats ain't like that. My goats is pretty!
So now it's an Iron Man Match, eh? Fine by me - Tiger Trundle's a 60-minute man! Ah just hope lil' Kurt can keep up.
*BEEDLE-EE-bEEDLE-EE* tHAT ANCient MAMmmal I-I-Is one CRotchety *ZZZAP chca* Motherfuckerrrrrrrrrr *BUZZZZ WGLEWGLW*
I DETECT cANCER i-i-i-nnnnnn hiS TESTICLES *Beddle-eeBEEdle-ee*
CAPTAIN BitchEYES r-r-rulezzzzzzz
Lawless, don't fuck this one up. I'm retiring again in a couple of weeks and I'd like to go out with a title if I can. I don't need you blowing it for me.
When Truck Drivor get out his cab, everyone around hear the sound like a basketball sized whoopie cushion lettin' off all wet an sloppy. But that just the air escapin' from he ass after an 18 hour stretch a highway wit his custom built seat-dildo pumpin' french fry grease and speed stick clogged cab air up his slavering rectum.
Truck, jus make sure you wear a couple condoms next week, I be hearin on NPR that 83% of truck drivers have AIDS and %67 have two or more forms of herpes. Judgin' by the looks a you and the way yo fingers smell like lot lizard pussy an cheap ketchup I'm thinking you needs ta be coated in some kind of disease-retardant before you be goin out in public.
La Supid Bitcha your seriously worried about catchin something from me? I should be worried about whatever third world diseases you got, and gettin them when your blood is all over my hands! I have seen 50 year old lot lizards that were cleaner than you. I have hauled toxic waste that wasnt as nasty as you. Its a good thing i am Haz-Mat certified. I am gonna run you down like the worthless piece of trash on the road that you are. Your time is limited. We got a long way to go and a short time to get there...
Carla the only thing I am worried about is you blowing this. Cuz you know almost as much about blowing as our opponents! I am gonna take back what is rightfully ours! So just stay the fuck out of my way and i will get the job done.
Oh great so now theres a stupid Bitcheyes robot or something? How fucking stupid is that? Or "supid" as Mick Drivor might say. Where the fuck did you learn to spell, dipshit? Some third world country? Oh speaking of third world country I guess I brought it all full circle. Congratulations on your title La Pupa Negro. I guess when you have the biggest dick in the league, the other faggots just lay down and let you be the top, huh?
So now Frontier Anarchy Grapping Syndicate has two bitches holding their titles. How perfectly fitting. Im not worried that it will last too long. If you bitches are like the bitches The Turpz is used to dealing with youll be happy to wrestle guys and let us pin you. Btiches.
T to tha UPRZ has got poon to plunge, so i guess Ile be talking at you later. Bitches.
TURPZZZ RULLEEZZZZZ!!!!!!!!
Yeah yeah Mick, jammin' it into 14th gear an smackin' crack hoes, I get it.
Turps, you go raggin'on Mick an then you go an spell you own name wrong! Pathetic lil' limp-dicked cornhole-siphener.
"T to tha UPRZ" Look at me! I dropped out of third grade cuz my mom couldn't get my out my room cuz I can't help but masterbate fifteen to twenty times a day. Hey Tuprz, maybe you should invest in some a that jive cream the JayJobber brothers are sellin', that way yo lil' calloused prick skin won't fall off in sheaths so much. That'd be supid for sure, yo!
To our good fans and esteemed colleagues.
We are supremely sorry about that ridiculous contraption "Robo-Bitcheyes". We had constructed that monstrosity for a promotional event later on in the season and for whatever reason it decided to achieve sentience and make its escape post-haste. And unfortunately it chose, with its tiny robot mind, to rant randomly, without rhyme nor reason on this, our good site.
We apologize for any inconveniences and we assure you that our technical team is disposing of this rubbish as we type. We apologize again, and we sincerely understand how ridiculous of an idea it was to present such a monstrosity in the first place.
Jo Max & Jay Bob
Intensive Industries
Thank muthafuckin' GOD n' shit! World ain't big enough for two of me!
... though I think it might be better off if there was more Cap'n to go around.
Ha Ha! Blow Max and Lame-mot! You #1 Intevsmint Industrease but no no make electronicals worth poo-poo sama's two nuts! No make big American splash! You learn make right by Japanese making thems! Silly rabbits!
*nin-nic-nic* The Commodore IS tAKING It to the s-s-streets *zzzzlfkaflka* Yo! G-g-gaybob! BLOwmAx! *chgachga* IF I WANted to HeaR AN A-A-Asshole SPEAK I WOULd have W-w-waited FOr MICK TTTruck drivors ASSSSSSSS to excretE GASes! *wooochgachga-zzzzzzz* DANGER CAPTAIN! DANGER! SOmeone is APProachiNG FROm THE REAR! OHHHHHH*buzzzzzchga* IT is RICK TUUUUUUUUUUUUUrpzz! HE is alWAY-y-ys Trying TO get IN PEOPLE's BAckdooRS *ZZWKIWKI* ThaT IS wHAT THE WORLD WIDE web information gathERED ABout THis CREATure SAys. *bzybzy* ANd what is the DEFINITIon OF EngliSH Languge word:"GAY"? *ZZZZBZZZZ* It is WHAT He Is reF-f-fered To As....-N-SHIT *zzzzwikiwkiwi* MOTHErfUckER!!!
Honorable Shinjiku San.
We accept your criticism gladly. Perhaps you, or someone you could recommend would be interested in a position with our electronics division?
Apparently Bitch-bot has gone out of our control. If only there were a giant lizard type of mega-monster on hand to dispatch it!
Hey, I jus read that the belt I be wearin' is tha "Flagship" belt of Anarchy Frontier. Well shit. I guess I came here to do what I came here to do. What's next for ol' La Puta? Fame? Infamy? Sex slaves? Probly.
Well first off. I wanna thank ol' "Carlita". Jus kiddin' Carl. I gave you a lot a ribbin' long the way. Especially when I fucking broke yo ribs. An you took it in style. It's an honor to be holdin' this belt an I gotta say that I owe you a lot for givin' La Puta a chance comin' inta this league.
An' Blackjack, I gave you a lot of shit comin' up in here too. An you gave me the shots ta make it. You still a bitch.
But to my man Ebe- "Bring you to yo knees"-er! You believed in me from the start, an' I hope I made an old man proud... Sensei.
Hells yeah, ya'll rest can KISS MY ASS! But don't bang yo head on this GOLD! Hell, with the marketing dollas I bringing in I'm gon buy me a bunch a white boys!
La Puta,
As the Official Spokesperson of Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate, it is my duty to congratulate you. Indeed, the title you hold is the highest honor that Frontier Anarchy has to offer and you should be most proud!
However, Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate is just one branch of a much larger organization, the Video Game Wrestling Alliance (the oldest and largest governing and sanctioning body in professional video game wrestling), and there is a much richer prize - the World's Heavyweight Championship.
You see, the VGWA is made up of many regional territories, one of which is Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate. It gives me great pleasure to inform you that while you may rule the FAGS, you do not rule the world. That honor, as of this writing, goes to Serengetti Betty.
Thank you,
Henderson Chesterfield Peavy
I spell my goddam name with a Z because Im extra badazzzzz La Pupa Negro! I wouldnt expect that a
[THE FOLLOWING TRANSCRIPT HAS BEEN CENSORED BY EBLOGGER DUE TO QUESTIONABLE CONTENT. PLEASE SEE RULES AND REGULATIONS CHAPTER 1176.2 FOR MORE DETAIL]
so go back where you belong and stay there! And tell them TURPZ sent you.
TURPZ RULEZZZZZZ!!!
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Oh and that fucking Commodore Bitchface robot can suck it too!
T to tha U to tha RPZ!
Henderson, you a straight talkin' grade A d-bag. An' I'm happy to know that you are officially a "professional" asshole now that Blackjack buckled under you witherin' verbal assault an' hired yo ass. But you can still eat it. If Weirdpube don't jump up on the board an make his weekly title challenge for a rematch after Betty hands his ass to him, maybe I'll get a shot an we'll see.
An Turpzzzzzzz. I gonna stab you in the fuckin' face.
10-4 I read you loud and clear. Your runnin scared La Bitcha. I dont blame ya. Not with this Steel runnin down on ya. Get your shit together. Your about to be run over! And as for you TURDZ, go and jerk off to the JC Penny catalog you fuckin numb nuts BITCH! Rollin in my 64...
Ya know, this season reminds me a lot of the later years a G.I. Joe. Sure, you started out with a basic simple concept, n' next thing ya know ya got marriages, crazy twins and... well sheeeeiiit, now we got ourselves a robot!
One thing remains a constant though - Ah'm still a bad motherfucker and Kurt Murphy's a puss. Where's that little punk anyways? Ah ain't seen him on the boards... you a'scared, Murpha? Eh? Eh, Murpha? You a'scared a me?
'Cause ya should be. I'ma whup you like a gov'ment mule.
im still here buck i aint going to go nowhere but i needed to be over my hangover and doing some thinking about Life and all and talking to ma about jesus and watching some steve segal movies and chillin or whatevs and i realise im at the Crossroad and ma told me bout jesus and how when he was a boy he spaked liek a boy (thats how they say speaking when jesus was alive) and how now im a man and i have to be spaking like a man and how steve segal was like jesus but steve was a budist so he dont kill no spiders or ants or nuthing but how they had Consuntrationsism and ma said there was no religin in wrestling but i read about the Preacher Kalljoy from the fucr and how with jesus in my heart i can make it rain fire and frogs and stuff like he did and how god has Wrath and its cool or whatev to be angry and im gonna be putting that angryness on you buck and making it all rain effing bad bad shoot all over you cuz you are not walking with the Lord so watch out dude cuz jesus and i are totally gonna kick your stupid fat butt dude for real like way worse then steve would do dude!
oh and sally my ma talked to your ma about how you got to pay us back the $548 for the wedding cuz your a whore and run off with the captian and so you got to do that
You can have your mom's fucking money back you loser! The Captain lives in a palace made of solid gold and he has a pony for every day of the week!
Heh heh... that line works on all the ladies, big or small!
BLAOOOWWW! How you like me now, Kurty?
Tyler Van Leppard: Hey Kurt, I see you're looking for a new direction and a new path in life!
Jack Halen: That's right - and you mentioned your mom and Reverend Killjoy, but I guess you haven't been on the boards in the past few days...
TVL: Yeah brother, 'cause if you were, you'd know that my brother Jack and I built this city on rock n' roll!
JH: Yeah baby, but if there's one thing we want all the fans to know it's that every city, every building and every infrastructure has to have a solid foundation, and for us, that foundation is our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
TVL: Praise his holy name, brother!
JH: Don't I know it! So hey Kurt, if you're looking for a little guidance, we like to do a prayer circle backstage before the show begins!
TVL: It's just a brief time that we get together, talk about our faith and thank God for allowing the Holy Spirit to enter our lives and for giving us the opportunity to compete here in Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate!
JH: All we ask from you is that you have an open mind and an open heart, brother!
TVL: See you Wednesday!
my mind is all open to jesus our lord and saveour friends and being ina prayer cicrle would totally rule and like get me my focus and everything beofre my big match with dbag bundle cuz that guy SUCKS YOU SUCK DUDE I SO AM GONNA KICK YOUR BUTT!
and give me our money back sally! i dont care what your thinking of me anyway cuz you are SOOOOOO no ruth!
get it dudes? getit? oh i so slammed her jsut then huh? that was SWEEEEEEET!
Tyler Van Leppard: Kurt brother, this prayer circle is gonna rock! But I want you to do me a favor, dude - Matthew Chapter 6, verses 14-15.
Jack Halen: But just keep it in the back of your mind bro! 'Cause when Wednesday rolls around, you need to get Old Testament on Buck Trundle!
TVL: That's right baby! And keep this in mind: Satan is a fool and it's so insane. Some people think he's cool, you play with fire, You'll feel the pain.
JH: Why lose when you could win? The devil's not your friend, the truth is not a lie.
TVL: Well said!
JH: Rock on!
Hell son, you better say yer prayers n' eat yer vitamins 'fore steppin in the ring with me. Yer gonna need all the help you can get.
From the sounds of it, you wern't man enough ta keep ol' Sally 'round and you damn sure ain't man enough ta go 60-minutes in the ring with Tiger Trundle. Way Ah see it, yer just a steppin' stone on mah way back to the top.
no its cool cuz i seen what the DEvil looks like and so i knows he is a tricker and a snake and wispers lies and negetiveness into your ears and stuff but ma is keeping a vigle for me and being as that we are Born Agains ma says we ahve Ferver so our faith is strong and we are strong when we walk in jesus shoes and ma says that god is gonna duteronmy part 28 27-29 all up in sallys bizzznazz cuz like shes laid with a lot of dudes and stuff buck you can tell your lies and be a pretend frend and i can not see that but jesus can see that tyler and jack are gonna help me have the Endurencement to make it so eff you cuz you dont know nuthing you butthole!
Man dude that was bullshit what that Sally whore did to you. We were gonna send you a get well basket of budwiser and Girls Gone Wild vids, but I guess since you love Jesus and stuff now maybe you just want the budweiser. Cuz god saysi t's cool to drink beer right? Can't like priests and shit drink beer? Anyway, me an the girls think that's bullshit what happened and if you need a place to stay my uncle in Unionville just fixed up the attic thing over his garage and he said he could rent it out to you for like 200$ a month or something. Alright cool talk to you later bro.
man that is awsome cool and all but cuz i was gonna be getting married and being a family dude and stuff i got a sweet apartment above the karate place that had the fire last year when the instructer had his meltdowning and went all nuts and they had to get him out of that bank where he had all them people hosteged so liek some a the walls are still borded and all but its hella nice anyways and ma gave me a couch and i got a foton to sleep on to but yeah i can drink beer cuz like at church you drink wine but maybe not cuz like its not really wine but jesus blood or whatevs but i bet so cuz father jake is always crazy drunk so yeah totally and im thinking about visting when the seson is done and we can go rafting agin cuz taht was super fun!
Hey guys,
I'm not usually one to question the Board, but giving Henderson Peavy any sort of position with the company seems a bit irrational to me. He's a knowledgeable guy, I have to give him that; but he seems to enjoy lording that knowledge over others, especially the wrestlers.
He's made a fool of Blackjack LaLonde on many occasions and he's even humiliated other fans. It seems that a guy like Henderson Peavy really just needs some counseling or something. I could be wrong though; maybe this job is exactly what he needs? Maybe Blackjack did the right thing by giving him a job?
Thanks for listening,
Dan Browning
Dan...perhaps you might like to write a column for us as well. we were looking for something like a "Dear Abby" type thing, were fans could write in and ask questions and such. Though Henderson knows his stuff, he's not really a people person if ya' know what we mean.
Now, we know that the shop you are working in is laying people off, and even if you retired, your union health bene's will most likely get cut, so...what do you say Dan? Care to put that Merlin Olsen on Zoloft comfort factor to work?
Just let us know!
Dear Dan.
Why Mick Truck Drivor suck so much?
LPN
While some might question my integrity, none can question my immense and infallable fantasy wrestling knowledge. None can question my authority either.
Mr. Browning, with all due respect, please go back to the woods where you previously lived rasing that bear. I'll handle business here in the civilized world.
Members of the Board of Directors, you are cordially invited to dinner. Main course is the corn in my shit. Enjoy! I was given this position by none other than Blackjack LaLonde himself, and his power supercedes even yours. Therefore and thus being, please suck it.
La Puta, I am glad to see you in such good spirits.
Henderson Chesterfield Peavy
God helps those that help themselves, Kurt Murphy, but your so pathetic he might change his mind in your case you fucking pathetic loser. Hey what kind of "bear" were you training in teh woods, Dan Browning? The kind that licks your butthole? Was his name Henderson Peavy? That guys a total tool.
I tried to give this leauge a chance because it was supposed to be boss with hardcore fighting and no rules but sure enough, just as the champion was that California faggot Ping Pong Snorey, this whole thing turned out to be a giant farm dedicated to the burgaling of turds and the wrangling of asses. Homo City. Somebody even told me that the name of the league is gay but I havent figured that one out yet... wait a minute. Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate. F-A-G-S. Well Ill be dipped in Weirdbeards shitbucket! What do you know it really IS just a bunch of fags! No wonder the titles are held by bitches!
La Pupa Negro this ones for you:
T to tha U to tha R to tha P
one more letter!
Give me a Z!
TURPZ RULEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!! U-S-A!!!
Dear Dan,
How many diseases does La Stupid Bitcha have? I know you are really busy so maybe just a ballpark figure. Posiibly could get that stupid fuckin robot to calculate it, But I am not really sure it is capable of counting that high.
Thxs
TRUCK!
O yeah and TURDZ, you fuckin cocksmoker, Eat A Bag Of Dicks!
Hey guys,
Ha ha! I appreciate all the support, but I don't know if I'm really the right guy for this job. I'm just a fan, or something of an "armchair booker" if you want to call me that. However, I'll take a stab. My high school guidance counselor (has it really been 31 years?) said I had a knack for making people feel comfortable. Maybe I can be of some help.
La Puta, if you take a look at the records, you'll see that Mick Drivor doesn't necessarily "suck" as you put it. While he's not at the top of his game this season, he's not at the bottom of the ranks either. I think that suck is really a relative term and I'm sure that there are a lot of "Truck" Drivor fans out there.
Perhaps if Mick was able to put a little more time in at the gym he might have a title or two under his belt, but with the tough times our economy is facing, I'm sure he has to make every run he can, whether he be delivering frozen chicken legs or clotheslines. A man has to make ends meet: I can certainly empathize with that.
As for your question, Mr. Drivor, I'm not a doctor so I am not qualified to answer. However, I do know that Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate has one of the most rigorous drug and disease testing operations going. They have to - not only for your health, but for the health of the fans. With all the intermingling blood and bodily fluids in the ring (and the ones that get sprayed onto the front row), they can't afford to be at risk. So I guess the answer is none.
Hey, I hope I could be of some help. Feel free to drop me a line whenever you need advice or just someone to listen.
thanks,
Dan Browning
Dear Dan....
I know this guy. He is a real jerk, and lashes out at anyone who tries to even speak to him, with nasty, profane, homophobic comments. Do you think that this guy is actually a homosexual, masking his true feelings, because he somehow feels shamed? I've tried to tell this dude that it's ok, and their are a lot of great homos out there, making a real life for themselves. Imean, look at Will & Grace. Those gay-bobs seem to be doing great! They have really nice aapartments and stuff, and they are always dressed so stylish. It also seems like they have many friends, whose genitalia they don't suck on.
Alright...this guy I know is Rick Turpin...or, the TURPZ, as he likes to be called. How can we get this little dude to realize that it's ok if he likes the wrestling shows for the sport of it AND because he wants to hump his little bump on all the wrestlers. Hey...to each his own, right?
Hey, I have a great idea, FUCK Henderson Peavy!!
If anybody deserves a job with F.A.G.S., it'd have to be Dan Browning. He's a nice logical man! Not some blowhard who doesn't have a goddamn clue what the fuck he's talking about like Handickson Poopy.
Dan, integrity might get you nowhere in this fed, but keep on keepin on with what you're doing you'll go places. Do you realize ow many students your reach out to everyday? hundreds. It's just too bad Handickson Poopy wasn't one of them.
Hey Dan, why do you suppose all the bitches love the Cap'n? They're on my jock like flies on a muthafuckin' turd n' shit!
BLAOWWW!!! How you like me now?
Hey Thomas,
I'm no doctor, but I think that you show a lot of insight into the character of this Turpin fellow. I've seen his comments on this board, and I've come to the same conclusion as you. Clearly, this kid has some repressed emotions boiling under the surface.
It isn't for us to judge though. I think Rick would be better served if we all just tried to be more supportive of him. Maybe he's got some troubles at home that we don't know about? I don't know about you, but I'd feel awful bad if I was insulting him only to find out that his dad beat him, his mom drinks or his uncle touched him.
Hey Weirdbeard, thanks for the kind words. It really means a lot to me. Good luck in your title match next week... hey, I hope it doesn't sound unfair or one-sided, but can I offer you some advice? I've heard that taking a shower before a match can keep your body limber so an opponent can't grab you. And taking a shower after the match keeps your muscles fresh and healthy!
I hope I could help.
thanks,
Dan Browning
Hey, what about my question, Grizzly Adams? Oh, it wasn't as important n' shit?
Okay, here's one: Why is Koschei's sperm count so low? Is it because of all the drugs and steroids the muthafuckers done in his lifetime? Is that why he's been living the lie that Janey is his real daughter?
Janey! This week, I'm gonna beat your dad and you can come live with Sally n' me in our kingdom!
Hey Captain,
Sorry I didn't see your question before. We must've been posting at the same time.
Like I said in an earlier reply, Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate has a very strict anti-drug policy. This includes illegal steroids. Perhaps Koschei did use steroids at one point in his career, but I am certain he is not using them now.
If I may interject some personal feeling into this subject, I am of the mind that blood often has nothing to do with who your family is. Just like Kurt Murphy has forged a bond with the Rock n' Roll Foundation through their faith, sometimes friendship can be thicker than even blood.
Let me give you an example from my own life. A few years ago I found out that my wife Ruby had been cheating on me. This wasn't something that had happened recently; it had been going on for years. I admit that I've always thought our son Tad looked a lot like my old friend Jeff, but I never really put two and two together until the news broke, but you know what? I raised Tad for 15 years and no matter who is biological father is, he will always be my son. I feel the same applies to Koschei and Janey. He has raised her and no matter what, he is her father.
Hope that helps,
Dan Browning
Hey Dan,
How do you get your beard to look so good? I use Just for Men, but it doesn't really work as well as they say it does.
Carl, You're a LIAR!! You use Permanent Sharpie Marker... just like ol' Hollywood Hulk Hogan.
Thanks Dan.
Bitcheyes, you'd have a low sperm count too if you had a jiz-guzzling Bitcheyes attached to your cock like a lamprey to a salmon 24/7. Fuck off.
Oh shit, did I strike a muthafuckin' nerve, Ko-cheese?
Dear Dan,
My name is muthafuckin' Kocheese. I just found out my little girl was fathered by the studliest stud muffin this side of Hugh muthafukin' Jackman. What can I do to reclaim my lost pride?
Love, Kocheese
Dear muthafuckin' Kocheeze,
It's helpless n' shit. Kill yourself now and hope that you didn't fuck the kid up too much!
Love,
Dan Fogleberg
BLAAOOWW!!!
Hey Dan,
Has Carl Stoneballs taken too many shots to the head, or was he just born that fuckin' dumb? Thanks in advance for your thoughts.
Hey Dan,
Why does your beard smell like the collected semen of every wrestler on the roster? Why does your breath have the lingering odor of Blackjack LaLonde's withered nutsack.
And why did your wife leave you, Dan? Could it have something to do with your lack of lovemaking ability while in the back of that Chevy Van on a moonlit night? You and the flannel brigade sicken me, Dan. Go back to the mountaintop with your granola and your Gordon Lightfoot records.
I didn't take this job to make friends, I took it to set the record straight for dumb mutherfuckers who didn't get the memo. So fuck all y'all haters.
Hey Weird "mufuckin" Beard - is your style so stale that you had to rip off Cap'n Bitcheyes, "muthafucker"? Seriously, get a clue and drop the poo. "Fuck Henderson Peavy"? I bet you'd like to, you sicko.
Henderson Chesterfield Peavy
Professional Asshole
Fuckin' wit yo program since 1972
Damn Peaves! Please don't hurt 'em! On the otha hand fuck it, hurt them bitches.
Weirdbeard - my beard is all natural and at least I don't shampoo with shit.
Lawless - you're goddamn right I've got stone balls! You better hope to fucking god you don't fuck up against the Sweet/Winkles this week, 'cause I will seriously fuck you up.
La Puta - ... you just go on say whatever the fuck you feel baby. You've earned it.
Just dont fuck this up Carla. Dont let these shitbags distract ya from our gold and takin back whats ours. We are the best tag team champs this fed has ever seen!
Dont ya worry La Stupid Bitcha, you got a good hurt comin. I've smacked my share of Crack Ho's. You wanna cut me? I know my way around the blade and the steel, no problem. You ever notice how every so often you come across somebody you shouldnt have fucked with. Well thats me! Keep On Truckin...
Dont you mean "supid", Mick Driveby?
Hey Dan Brownnose, how about if you shut the fuck up. Youre like Henderson Peavy without any balls and that guys the biggest flamer since that California faggot King Kong Glory. The Turpz has issues? The Turpz only has one issue adn thats wtih all the homosesssual faggotry that calls itself professonal video game wrestling these days.
Its not often I make mistakes but it seems like I made one this season. I thought Captain Bitchtooth was a Elton John wannabe but it seems like hes the biggest player in the game. Stealing Sally Fingerme away from Kurt Murphy was a smoooooooooth move Captain. Not as smooth as The Turpz wouldv done it, but not everbody can be me.
TURPZZZ 4 EVAAAA!!!!
I bet you smacked a lot a
"crack", Drivor, hangin' out at them truckstops, all shady an' shit, writin' "show hard cock for blowjob" above the urinals. I heard about you. I got trucker friends. You legendary. I gotta give it to you Drivor, I ain't never heard a nobody that could drink that much cum in one sittin'. You betta bring it you fat, nugget-readin' piece a road trash.
Henderson PoopandPeevy,
Why do you have to be such a HUGE dick to nice people like Dan Browning?
The only possible answer is because you're an only child who has never been beat up. I understand you spend so much time on the internet because you have no friends to spend time with. Try being nice once in a while and maybe, just maybe you'll find out what human interaction is all about. You might even make a friend.
LOVE, Cap'n WEIRD mufuckin BEARD n'shit!!
Relationship advice from a guy who puts poop on people. Swell.
Well said, Mr. Finn.
Mr. Beard,
I think a more pressing question is "Why do you play with feces?" You're a grown man and presumably not retarded. What gives?
Check the credentials: Henderson Peavy, Professional Asshole. It's my job, and one I take quite seriously. I don't come to your street corner and give you tips on sucking cock, do I? So don't tell me how to do my job.
Your job is supposed to be Professional Wrestler, not "Shit slinging ring monkey". What's so weird about poop anyway? Nothing. It's not weird, it's gross. You repulse me.
Now if you'll please leave me alone, I have a lot of work to do.
Good day!
Henderson Peavy,
Professional Asshole
Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate Minister of Propaganda
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