Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Wednesday, Feb. 18 2009

Oh snap, son! It's Wednesday night! Time for The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! We have one hell of a card planned for tonight, and we aint got no time for jibba'-jabba'! So let's take it to the ring for our debut match!



Bronson Thunderhammer VS Rocky Sukiyaki. Not much of a story here. Rocky came to the ring, and Bronson left the ring...with a big piece of Sukiyaki's ass. Taken by force. Beating it like a drum.

Winner: Bronson Thunderhammer



Our next match is a tag match, with The Porkchop Express taking on upstarts, JoMax and JayBob. Their theme music appears to be "Money", by the Isley Brothers. They have a display set up at the top of the ramp. "Thanks you all! After this exciting tag team exhibition, please remember to make your way to the merchandise area, to pick up the latest product from Intensive Industries!", they both say..."Like Sally Fingerle Fingerme genital lube!...or whatcho talkin' bout, Weirdbeard talking plushie! Or the new line of Legends Of Fantasy action figure line, featuring greats like Monte Altazzar, Kentucky John Derby, Cap'n Bitcheyes, and even yours truely...US! Indeed!...Live action ring, with broken glass and thumb tacks sold seperately!" Jumping onto matching Segways, the zip to the ring! "Time is Money!", they both say. These two gents wasted no time dispatching their opponents, the Porkchop Express, slicing them with presision, into little bites, and devouring them! JoMax & JayBob are Fantastic Fantastic! After the match they jump onto their segways and bolt up the ramp, as "Money" thumps through the P.A. system

Winners: JoMax & JayBob





Tournament for the Intercontinational Title - Round 1



Match 1: Kurt Murphy VS Weirdbeard. Kurt looks a little out of it. Maybe it's wedding day jitters...maybe it was all the tequila & nitrous at the Bachelor Party last night! Oh yeah...my shirt still smells like strippers...because I woke up in it this afternoon. Anyways, Kurt Murphy thinks a weirdbeard is a bad look to sport on his wedding day, so he gives it a trim, and advances to the next round, lookin' sharp!

Winner: Kurt Murphy



match 2: The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless VS Knuck Finn. Knuck brought a weapon out during the action called a sap...or a blackjack or cosh in some circles, and attempted to brain Buck in the noggin with it, but Lawless ducked out & gave Knuck a shot to the family jewels! He then turned Knuck's weapon on him, and put him down. 1,2,3.

Winner: The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless



Match 3: Koschei The Deathless VS Mick "Truck" Drivor. Koschei says that the west is the best, but Truck is Eastbound & Down! The two big men both crossed the centerline and went head on, but Koschei found out the hard way, that no matter what, Mick "Truck" Drivor just keeps on truckin'!

Winner Mick "Truck" Drivor



Match 4: Carl Stonewall VS La Puta Negra. Both competitors have that streel gaze in their eyes, just staring a hole through each other. This fued has been burning all season, and finally they meet...one on one again! They both come to the center of the ring and butt heads, neither backing down. Then they both take a step back, and respectfully fist bump each other as the bell sounds. It's a game of cat & mouse, as these two counter each other at every turn! They must have both studied hours of match film on each other! As the action goes fast Carl rolls La Puta up in a cradle for the pin!...1,2,...but La Puta shifts, and lets the momentum roll just a quuarter turn more, to pin Carls shoulders instead! Carl tries to wiggle free as the ref counts...1,2,3! La Puta Wins! La Puta Wins! After the match, Carl walks over to La Puta and pats her on the back as he exits.

Winner: La Puta Negra



So advancing to the next round, we have Kurt, Truck, Buck & La Puta...



Our next bout is one of our featured challenge matches this week! It's a Dog Collar Match! Somebody's Dad, our first gladiator, is in the ring being fitted with that leather collar attached to that cattle chain, ans the man who will be attached to the other end makes his way to the ring now! It's Cap'n Bitcheyes! "Walkin' The Dog" - by Aerosmith pumps through the P.A., as The Cap'n, dressed in a smoking jacket, smoking a pipe, is rolled to th ring in a lazyboy recliner! Beautiful Valets are dressed in various stages of domestication. There is a sexy housewife, carrying a meatloaf, and a sexy mammasita dressed as a school girl, showing The Cap'n a report card with all A's on it. He taps her on the butt as she scurries away...and...a woman dressed as a dog, carrying a newspaper in her mouth! She lays down at the end of the chair & drops the paper. The Capn' pets her head, and unrolls the paper...

"Let's see what's in the sports section-n-shit! Oh shit mutha'fucka'...the headline reads, CAP'N WHIPS SOMEBODY'S DAD"S ASS!" The Cap'n makes his way into the ring, and is chained to Somebody's Dad. S.D. goes right for Cap with the chain, and starts thrashing him with it! They really go at it, bloodying each other with the chain, wrapping it around each others faces, and necks...bashing each others ears and limbs with it. The Cap'n uses the chain to tie Somebody's Dad up in the corner, and takes the pyrex dish of meatloaf from his valet. He then bashes S.D. over the head with it, as glass and meat chunks explode across the ring! Bitcheyes then wraps the chain around Dad's leg and pins him for the 3 count. He then grabs the microphone and speaks..."Janey! I know you been sick with the mumps-n-shit, so I'll wait till next week to hear that you want me to be your Daddy-n-shit! I think me whoopin' this old fool tonight shows you that I'd be the winningest dad you ever had-n-shit! I'm tellin' ya' 3 squares a day,... dogs,... ponies,... anything you want, sugarplum! The Cap'n is even workin' on a new Mommy for ya-n-shit! I love ya' girl! Come on home!"...Just then, Koschei the Deathless comes barreling down to ringside to meet the Captain in fistacuffs! Security has one hell of a time separating those two!

Winner: Cap'n Bitcheyes





Tournament for the Intercontinational Title - Round 2



La Puta Negra VS Kurt Murphy. Negra, who will be running security for the wedding of her opponent Kurt later tonight, is ready to go. She's jogging in place in the corner like a boxer, waiting for the bell to ring. Kurt kisses his fiance, Sally Fingerle at ringside, before the bell. Hey, isn't it bad luck to see the bride before the wedding? "I dont baleave in all that crap dude about superstations ans stuf cuz like we got tha thing together that is so like hard to find in the world of life today and thats love dude! I love this girl and she loves me so like we are totally together and nuthins gonna stop us now you know?"...uh...sssuuure Kurt...why don't you go wrestle now..."dude". Negra & Murphy get it on in the ring, and fight like true champs. It's hard going, with both wrestlers givin' it and takin' it. Sally yells to Kurt, "I love you baby!", and Kurt, distracted, turn to Sally and says "I love you too!"...and La Puta takes her opening, and puts Kurt Down with a savat kick to the back of the head! She climbs the ropes and gives him a nasty splash, and pins him!

Winner: La Puta Negra





The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless VS Mick "Truck" Drivor. Lawless tries to hitch a ride on the Mick Drivor Express, to victory, but Truck aint pickin' up no riders tonight son! He jams down a gear, and pops a couple bennies, and just runs down the bounty hunter...powerbombing him to oblivion!

Winner: Mick "Truck" Drivor





Up next is a match for the Syndicate Tag Team Titles! Tyler Van Leppard & Jack Halen make up the team of The Rock-n-Roll Foundation! tonight they challenge the champs, The Sweet-Winkle Connection, Sweet Randy Taylor & Winkin' Perry Lincoln!

SWT: Tonight is our "Coming Out" party, here in Frontier!

WPL: Yeah, we burst onto the scene last week, and shot right to the top!

SWT: To be back in the ring, the champs, taking on men like the Foundation just makes me swell with anticipation...

WPL: I anticipate that we are gonna ride high in this league for a long time to come, Randy!

SWT: You said a mouthful, Perry!

SWT & WPL: WOOOOO!

The Connection go right to work on The Rock-n-Roll Foundation, hitting them hard from behind, as they kneel and pray in the corner! OH! a knee to the back of the head! The Sweet-Winkle Connection use their early advantage to dominate the Rock-n-Roll Foundation! It's a long way to the top if you want to rock and roll, and the Sweet-Winkle Connection prove that they are the true juke box heroes!

Winners: The Sweet-Winkle Connection





Tournament for the Intercontinational Title - final round



La Puta Negra VS Mick "Truck" Drivor. Drivor waits in the ring, while La Puta Negra enters. She is surrounded by her band of street urchins, pick pockets and thieves as she comes to the ring. Her robe hood is pulled down low, hiding her eyes as "Momma Said Knock You Out", by LL Cool J bumps on the P.A. system! Truck paces in the corner until the bell rings...and there off! Fist fly as these two trade blows! They fight dirty too, gouging each others eyes...raking each others backs...and taking full liberty with their dastardly deeds! Truck gets the upper hand, and dazes Negra. He then grabs a chair and bashes her with it! He is just laying into La Puta! But Carl Stonewall is coming to ringside! He grabs a whiskey bottle, breaks it against the ringpost, and hands La Puta the jagged end! As Truck lifts the chair for another bash, La Puta STABS THAT MOTHERFUCKER! Damn! Right in the arm! Truck Drivor goes down! La Puta then starts digging that bottle into the forehead of Drivor!She then calls for a full bottle from one of her urchins. The urchin tosses her a bottle of booze. La Puta uncorks it, takes a big long drag, and bashes Truck over the head with the bottle! 1...2...3! La Puta Wins! La Puta wins! she is the new Intercontinational Champion! Carl Stonewall gives her a thumbs up from ringside and walks to the back as La Puta Negra, and her band of pickpockets, urchins and thieves dance and celebrate in the ring!

Winner: La Puta Negra





Please enjoy a video while we set up the ring for a WEDDING!





Buck Trundle, the World champ, Kurt's best man and sometimes mentor, walks Pammy Dinkins, Sally's Maid Of Honor, and one time stalker of the groom, Kurt Murphy, Frontier Wrestler and former World Champ, down the aisle...Buck totally grabs her ass & winks, as they get to the altar!

Kurt Murphy comes down the aisle, and waits for his bride...Walking Sally down the aisle, and giving her away is guest dad, Hollywood's Tim Allen! The music plays as Sally makes her way to the altar.

Today's ceremony will be performed by internet ordained minister & "actor", Stephan Baldwin!

The groom would like to speak his vows to the bride...Kurt?...

"Sally, I know it's taken us a long time to get here. We even thought at times that we wouldn't. I know I had my doubts. I never thought I could have someone in my life that could make me so happy or make me feel so alive. You know how hard it is for me to tell people how I feel about them, especially people I care about. But today in front of all these people, I have no problem telling you that I love you. I know our lives aren't going to be sunshine and roses from here on in, but I'm going to try my hardest to keep our love alive. We've got something very special here. It's worth fighting for. I love you Sally.



Kurt, Do you take Sally Jean Fingerle to be your wife?

" I do! "



Sally do you take Kurtis Chapman Murphy to be you husband?

"I duh....I duh.....



I...ABSOLUTLEY DO NOT! You loser! You fucking burn out! It was fun at the start, but I don't do marathons, honey! This chick is a sprinter! You know what I'm saying? You...you move in slow motion, you fucking retard! I did myself a favor and found me a real man!"



Just then a giant glass elevator smashed through the ceiling of the arena! It's the Captain Bitcheyes! He's in some kind of WONKAVATOR! as he stepped out of the doors, he took off his tophat and said, "Shall we-n-shit, my dear? Heh-Heh! Sorry, kid! I didn't mean to spoil your little tea party, but this charade has gone on way too long-n-shit! Don't worry though...you ain't the first mutha'fucka' to lose his lady to the Cap'n, & I'm sure you ain't gonna be the last-n-shit! It's like...nobody got swagga' like the Cap-n-shit, mutha'fucka'! HehHeh! Now, if you'll excuse me...I'm gonna take Sally on the Wonka-vator and show her exactly how it goes upways, downways, sideways, and always! As for the bun in the oven...well go home and read your bible...I know that your drunken irish catholic mother has got one around somewhere...look up the story of Father Abraham-n-shit! Sowin' the seeds of love, Cap'n style! Heh-Heh!"

The Captain and Sally fingerle boarded the Wonkavator, as a stunned Kurt Murphy stared, open-mouthed, in disbelief!



"Come with me and you'll be

In a world of pure imagination

Take a look and you'll see

Into your imagination



( CG ) / Am7 - Am/D - / Gmaj7 Am Gmaj7 - / / Am7 - Am/D - / Bbdim7 G - CG /



We'll begin with a spin

Trav'ling in the world of my creation

What we'll see will defy

Explanation



/ " / " / " / Bmaj7 - - - /{Refrain}



If you want to view paradise

Simply look around and view it

Anything you want to, do it

Want to change the world, there's nothing to it



/ Cmaj7 - Bm7 - / Am7 - Gmaj7 - / F#7 - Bm7 - / A7 - D7 - /



There is no life I know

To compare with pure imagination

Living there, you'll be free

If you truly wish to be...



/ Bmaj7 - Dm7 G C /{Refrain, repeat last verse}"





Poor Kurt Murphy! The kid's gotta be heartbroken! Pammy Dinkins offers him a shoulder and breast to cry on, as he sobs. Buck Trundle pats his shoulder and tells him not to worry about it. " "These are tha times you got to cowboy up, son!" They walk to the back, as the ring crew cleans up this mess and prepares for the main event...



World Heavyweight Title Match!

The challenger, Serengeti Betty, has been through a lot this season. she's had som tough wins, and some tougher losses. She's been beat down, beat up, and even set on fire 7 burned, trying to make it to the top! She can say one thing though. She is 1-1 with the Champ, Buck Trundle...a man who hasn't tasted the bitter blood of defeat too many times yet this season. Betty is one of the only competitors to gain a pinfall on Old Buck. I think that, because of that, there is a mutual respect between the two. This is the rubber match! It's 1 to 1...this is the tie breaker.

Buck makes his way to the ring, waving Old Glory, and hamming it up, like he's the greatest American hero or something! The boos aren't as thick as usual though tonight. Maybe his compassion towards his buddy, Kurt Murphy gained him a few points with tonight's crowd. Kurt accompanies him to ringside, with his head hanging low. He just grabs a chair, and sulks at ringside, as his mentor, Buck Trundle, the World Champion, climbs into the ring for his title defense. The Bell rings, and these two lock horns! Buck starts out all scientific, but when it doesn't work, he goes straight to the cheat...but Betty is READY! She routes Buck at every turn! Trundle is visibly frustrated, and getting nowhere with this Queen of The Jungle, as she doles out some lady-smack to the champ! Buck shoots her into the ropes, but Betty jumps over top on the comeback for a sunset flip! Buck is reaching out...calling for Murphy to grab his hands, but Kurt is off in his own world! Betty finally flips the flailing Trundle...1,2,3! Ladies & Gentlemen, we have a new Champion! Serengeti Betty!

Winner: Sernegeti Betty



After the match Buck shakes Betty's hand. Betty seems on guard, with her fists cocked, but Buck shakews his head, an says, "no...you beat me. Today, you were the better man.", and turned away. Betty raises her fists in the air in victory! The crowd cheers, as she skips and dances back to the locker room.



Buck is now getting in Kurt Murphy's face! I think he's a little hot at him for not helping Buck with the assist. He's yelling and gesturing, but it doesn't seem that Kurt even notices him.

*BAM*!!! Buck clocks Murphy, and puts a beating on him, as the crowd boos wildly! Security finally pulls Trundle off! What a dispicable act! Talk about kicking a man when he's down!



Well, It's been a wild ride this week! Stay tuned to the forums for the latest news and views!

See y'all next week!

40 comments:

Bronson Thunderhammer said...

It's called "not even breaking a sweat". Sorry Rocky, next time maybe you should concentrate on the wrestling instead of playing dress up. There's always the Cosplay circuit, I hear fat goth chicks love little asian boys in makeup.

WEIRD mufuckin BEARD!! said...

I challenge Sernegeti Betty to a shot at the BELT! One On One! Man vs. Man. I'm due at least one shot at this belt this season and I want it now... well, this next show. What say Ye?

Easter Bonnie said...

Kurt Murphy, you little sack o' shit! Ah done told you ta watch mah back and what'd ya do? Ya let me down 'cause yer too busy cryin' over yer damn spilled milk and that whore! Didn't Ah tell ya she was a whore? Ah done told ya a long time ago, but did ya listen? No you sure didn't! And now yer dumb mistake has cost me the richest prize in the sport!

Well Ah'll tell ya what, Kurt - Ah want a piece a yer hide! It's time ta cowboy up. Let's do it next week... you and me. It's about time you got the whuppin' you deserve!

Captain Bitcheyes said...

Ooooooohhhhh SNAP!

Who's that bad muthafucker in the three-piece suit? The one who the men wanna be and the ladies wanna be with?

Sally Fingerle said...

That's you, Cap'n baby!

Captain Bitcheyes said...

Heh heh! That's right Kurt Murphy, I done took what could never be yours in the first place. If you love somethin', set it free - if it don't come back, it was never really yours in the first place.

But if you don't never wanna see somethin' again, just leave her alone with the Cap'n for a few minutes! Heh heh! Once you go CAP, you never go back!

BLAOOOOWWW!!!

Sally Fingerle said...

Yeah Kurt, you're just a fucking LOSER! I never loved you, I was just using you to get free weed! But the Cap'n gives me a high that I've never felt before! Oooohhhh yeaaaahh! Gotta get me some more of that!

Eat it, Kurt! You're not even a has-been, you're a never-was wanna be piece of crap! Wash your hair, you fucking loser!

Captain Bitcheyes said...

Heh heh... And now that ev'body knows I'm Sally's baby's daddy, and I whupped Somebody's Dad, it's time for my family to finally reunite!

Koschei - I know that you're holding up the court proceedings that will allow Janey to live with me, her REAL father, so I propose a match between you and I - a ladder match, with the custody rights hung far above the ring! The winner gets Janey! The loser (that's you) goes back to their trailer and cries n' shit!

Poppin Corn said...

Actually, Weirdbeard, you are guaranteed nothing. If it hasn't already occured to you, this league is governed by anarchy!

Beyond that, there is the simple fact that you have done almost nothing to deserve a title shot. While you have amassed a decent run of victories, you are far from the top ranked contender.

Also, in an organization filled with a caucophony of voices, yours barely makes a peep. Your lack of participation is stunning.

"I'm due at least one title shot..." Sure, and Henderson Peavy recognizes Jesus Christ as his personal savior! Ha!

(I'm Jewish, in case you didn't get that joke)

The Board Of Directors said...

Wow! Crazy night...and the hits just keep on coming!

Next week is already shaping up to be another gangbusters night in Frontier!

So far we have:

Weirdbeard VS Serengeti Betty - World Title Match

Cap'n Bitcheyes VS Koschei The Deathless - Ladder Match for custody rights of Lil' Janey deathles...or maybe soon, "Lil' Janey Bitcheyes"

Buck Trundle VS Kurt Murphy

Black Jack Billy said...

Henderson...I'm a big enough man to admit when I may be out of line, and last week I may have been...just a little. So, I'll tell you what, son... You seem to know the ins and outs of the wrasslin' world, and are not afraid to stand up to the man...even to me! The bottom line is...I need a staff writer. Are you up for the task, little man?

Optimus Cryme said...

ol' Carl ain't never been one to cry in his beer. La Puta... there's only been one man I've bestowed this honor upon, and now I'm bestowin' it upon you:

"La Puta Negra is the future of professional wrestling" - Carl Stonewall (with all due apologies to Scissorwolf, the previous future of professional wrestling)

But I ain't one to cry in my beer and I can only hope Buck Lawless isn't too busy drowinin' in it. BUCK! What say you n' me get back those tag belts that we were robbed of last week?

Poppin Corn said...

Fuck you, Blackjack! First you spend an entire week insulting me for no good reason, and now you insult wrestling fans everywhere by giving Weirdbeard a shot at the World's Championhip?

You're a pathetic excuse for a promoter and you're half the man Ebeneezer Wheezleton never was. Half the wrestlers who used to be here have quit or just don't bother showing up to cut promos and now you're giving a shot at the World title - the biggest and most important belt of all time - to a guy who (a) isn't even supposed to have a contract (b) almost never gets on the boards unless he's challenging for a belt (which he does every week) and (c) smears poop on people?

And YOU, the lousiest sack of shit in this industry... YOU, my sworn enemy... YOU want to offer me a job?

When does Henderson Peavy start?

La Puta said...

Snap Carl, that mean a lot. It's been a long time coming but the Titans clashed and I be holdin' the medusa's head an' shit, but you like Zeus when he be all thoughtful an' shit and tellin' fools not to be messin' with shit. Apparently it be blindin' suckas, cuz nobody want a piece a this belt yet!

Jo Max and Jay Bob said...

Excellently played, friends! Sales were astronomical, and the heated carnality of Sally and the Cap'n boosted FingerMeSally Pleasure Lube to new heights!

We hope that our acrobatic arse-kicking pleased our many fans. Perhaps another exhibition against the Rock 'n' Roll Foundation may be in order next week?

Black Jack Billy said...

Henderson, Weirdbeard was given his shot at the belt because he asked. If you challenge someone, you fight. That's the way it goes most of the time...
You can't stop progress...besides Bronson Thunderhammer was too dumb to challenge for any of the belts. He was the first wrestler to cut a promo this week. So who deserves a shot more...the lazy bastard who asks...or the big dummy who doesn't?

"Sweet" Randy Taylor said...

SWT: Damn baby! Back in the saddle again!

WPL: Yeah! I know that The Sweet-Winkle Connection being on top again really rubs some people the wrong way, but they'll just have to deal with it!

SWT: You know we are gonna stick it to them every chance we get!

PWL: Who's next? Carl Stonewall? OHHH...he sounds hard!

SWT: and his partner, The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless...We have our sights set on your ass, too!


SWT & WPL: When you hear our hands go *slap*!...then you gotta say, "OH CRAP!"...we just stepped into the ring with the greatest of all time!

Raul Donegal said...

What a Night for Action!! That was one hell of a great show!!

Is it just me or is everything coming up Cap'n!?! This guy's on FIRE!! He's won every belt, and is currently wining himself an entire family. DAMN! Has anybody won a whole family just through rasslin before?

Since when does Henderson Peavy have any say about anything? Up until 10 minutes ago he was no more affiliated with F.A.G.S. than I was. Henderson, shut yer smelly trap before somebody else does it for you.

Buck, I hate to say it, but that's what you get for having a LOSER like Kurt in your corner. If it weren't for him BARELY winning the Belt (much like David Arquette winning it in WCW, it was givin to him for a gimmick), he'd be a bigger piece of shit than Whirling Devish.

La Puta, You are the SHIT!!

WEIRD mufuckin BEARD!! said...

If it's Chiming you want, well then HELL SON, it's chiming you'll get!!
Henderson Pee, your voice just keeps going and going! I'm pretty sure you're the only one who likes to hear the sound of it cuz NOBODY else does. SHUT THE HELL UP!! You're like a nagging wife but worse. If spewing verbal diarrhea was an olympic event, you'd be that Phelps kid.
Plus your insight is as deep as my favorite book "Everybody Poops". So save yer Ps and Qs for somebody who gives a shit. OH WAIT, That's NO ONE!!

George Lucas said...

Tyler Van Leppard: Well brother, it looks like we lost this week.

Jack Halen: Luckily we still have our rock...

TVL: That's right baby! Solid as a rock from here to eternity, I'm talking about the one and only JC!

JH: Our Lord and Savior!

TVL: And even without the belts, we still have a place in the Kingdom of Heaven, daddy!

JH: That's right, and we've got a match scheduled against Jay Bob and Jo Max next week - wow, it looks like the Lord really loved their mother, because He gave her the gift of twins!

TVL: God bless you, Jay Bob and Jo Max - and may God have mercy on you next week when we step in the ring!

JH: That's right, babies - to Hell with the Devil and to Hell with you! We're all about eternal life and peace and goodwill to men and we like to act like we're above you.

TVL: But that doesn't mean we're above kicking your butts!

Pammy Dinkins said...

Sweet crappy pappy! He's here, he's weird and he's layin' it DOWN! Now if somebody could just get him to wash the turds out of his beard...

Hey Kurt, sorry about that stuff with Sally. That's SO totally lame how she ditched you and how that baby isn't really yours but instead its the Capn's. That's really lame. But now at least you don't have to pay child support or nothin'.

Anyway, if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me.

Easter Bonnie said...

Raul, Ah'd like ta thank ya fer takin' the time ta notice jest how fuckin' lame Kurt Murphy is. Ah 'preciate it.

Hahever, Ah must admit that while the kid was s'possed ta have mah back n' he blew it, Ah haveta c'rect ya 'bout his ability.

Y'see, t'wernt too long ago Ah took a shine ta Kurt Murphy. Ah liked him - kid reminded me a me back when Ah was a younger man. But while a man like me took advantage of e'vry opportunity, Kurt's jest bin sittin' back smokin' doobies and porkin' that slut girlfriend.

It ain't like Kurt was given that title belt, Raul - he earned it by beatin' one a the best. But he got beat jest one short week later. And why? A complete lack of determination.

Now Murphy - Ah tried. Really Ah did... Ah tried to take ya under mah wing n' teach ya the ways. Ah said "Kurt, do ya want the knowledge?" but you jest kept sittin' backstage smokin' yer doobies and listnin to yer Nirvana. Well Ah'm sick a yer crap and the BUCK STOPS HERE! Next week, yer bout ta get bucked up!

Poppin Corn said...

Dear Weird muh.. mufuc - what the fuck? Is that some sort of strange language or do you have shit stuck between your teeth again?

I'm like a nagging wife? How would one such as yourself know that? What woman would stoop so low... what woman would be so shamed as to call herself your wife? I am an educated man, Mr. Beard, and I can not believe such a woman exists. Strike One.

No one cares to hear me? That's funny, because the man who signs your checks just gave me a job. So you'll be hearing a lot more of Henderson Peavy in the future. Strike Two.

Put the mask back on and spare us the horror of having to gaze upon your hideous visage, Mr. Beard. The women in the front row are fainting. Strike Three - you're out.

To answer Mr. Donegal's question: Did you actually read what you just wrote? Let me read it back to you - "Since when does Henderson Peavy have any say about anything? Up until 10 minutes ago..." Okay, I'll just stop there.

But the truth is, Mr. Donegal - I don't have the right to book matches. I am not a promoter; only an avid fan who cares so deeply for this sport and for the rules that govern it. While I do not have any actual power within this organization, I believe that the pen is mightier than the sword, and hope that through my words, I can help the underprivileged obtain some measure of respect and decency. If that offends you - then I say GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!

Henderson Peavy: professional asshole, wrestling historian and now... Frontier Anarchy Employee of the Month.

Kurt Murphy said...

gone to kill u trumbl fuck inthhestupid assmunch dks;jfuck u trubel cuz suck my ballz asshoooole CUZ TOUSUCK CUZ YOU LOST AN DONE BLAME ME DTHAT YOU CANNTENVN WIN AGAINST A GIRL CUZ YOUR A PUSSY FUCKLUYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wutaheves sally your hwore and i threw aywa the mean coments about ouy at the applebes cuz i love you and now i wishings id liet those dudes write the mean stuff baout you so yu would get firedaaaaaaaa sjd fuckin slutbagbitchfucked whatevs bitchand i gone tokill you both all three you beorfre notsuportive and falsenesshood buttholes capaitn who dont now nuthin cuz u liar likemy dad the real one how left to and sdllllllllllllldfiie

Kurt Murphy said...

hend man be witht he negetevtey cuz liek life sucks more balls then sally sucked socer playesr when sheu wuz in middleshool cus her a slut liek her momwho died cuz she nastye toso be anrerugy and brek stuff like arms and iam drive my truck int to the cap cuz he liek trudsel fuckers ufkcuyou fuckersalekru kull you

La Puta said...

Shit, looks like Carl the only man here, nobody else wants ta tustle with La Puta?

Serengeti Betty said...

Who would have thought that Buck Trundle, THE Buck Trundle, would stoop to something like this? Buck darling you are many, many things - you are a mean son of a bitch, a nose breaker, a leg snapper, a belt winner, and a hard man to beat. But a finger pointer? Since when does THE Buck Trundle blame a lost match on some runny nosed kid pouting ringside who's only talent is rolling a joint in the back of speeding pickup truck in the dark? It makes about as much sense as a Weirdbeard comment!

And speaking of which...Weird if you don't wash that fucking bleeding vagina you call a beard face before next Wednesday so help you God I'm hog tying you and having the Captain's girls douse you in Summer's Eve.

Knuck Finn said...

Oh I knew it, Betty. Way back in the beginnin' o the season I eyed him up and rightly took him for a low down rat. He ain't pulled one over on ol' Knuck, that's fer sure. What a d-bag.

Easter Bonnie said...

Now just hold on! Ah'm a damn pillar of society: the longest reignin' Intercontinational Champion of all time! A TWO time Intercontinational Champ at that! Ah done wore that belt with pride until the day I traded it in fer a fancier model...

Now on the other side a things, you got Cap'n Bitcheyes, a lowdown snake inna grass who done fucked another man's wife, then knocked up Kurt Murphy's girlfriend n' stole her away from him. And Ah'm the bad guy? Why ain't y'all ganging up on that fat red-bearded asshole?

Look, Ah got a temper. Ah know that. But don't go a'blamin me fer young Murphy's whore problems. Ah warned him!

So Ah took a little agression out on the kid. He needs ta toughen up and Buck Trundle's just the guy to show him how! And Ah'm gonna show him next week and then Ah'm gonna get mah damn belt back!

Easter Bonnie said...

Hold on, hold on... it's the end of the damn day and ain't NOBODY challenged La Puta?

Well shit. Kurt Murphy's today's yer lucky day. That is, if'n the Board will allow it.

Dear Board of Directors,

Seein's how every other so-called rassler is a spineless sack a shit and is too damn scared ta challenge that rowdy bitch, how'sabout lettin' me n' Kurt Murphy settle our differences with La Puta in the middle?

Ah'm talkin' bout a damn THREE-WAY-DANCE and I get mah old belt back! Ain't nobody else deserves it and the way I see it, that snivlin' little Murphy kid needs a break anyhow. Maybe ol' Buck was too rough on him.

Blackjack? If'n nobody else gets on to challenge and you see fit, how's about it?

The Board Of Directors said...

La Puta...I guess they ARE all afraid of you. What a bunch of pussies! Sorry! I guess if no one challenges you, then maybe we'll just give you five points for being so bad ass that you don't even have to lay a finger on a motherfucker to punk them out! You go, girl!

Captain Bitcheyes said...

Fuck that! Why don't you throw La Puta in the ring with Koschei and Cap'n B? God knows Janey could use a new mommy!

Somebody's Dad said...

Well all of you twerps may be scared of La Pootsta, but I seem to remember giving her a stern talking to last time I saw her. Not a lot was said other that "Winner: Somebody's Dad"! I do find it amusing that Buck Trundle seems so concerned with La Pootsta's matches. Buck, just quit your yammering and stick to your own self. You're a good enough wrestler but give the rest of us with ears a break. Think it in your head but keep it to yourself. Now as soon as I get these scrips filled, I can nurse up these bruises I got from that last match I fought. The old body ain't holding up like it used to, don't got that spring backedness it had in my younger days.

Captain Bitcheyes said...

Oh shit - looks like somebody just woke up from the whuppin' I administered today! Welcome back to the land of the living, old man!

Oh, and don't pay Buck Trundle no mind... he's just a tired old bag o' bones n' shit. I mean, not as old as you, but like... pretty old. You know how folks are in the nursing homes, they just like to hear themselves talk.

La Puta said...

Three ways is fuckways. I just win my gold, and Buck Trundle's talkin' bout some three way bullshit? Fuck that.

Shit Buck, thought you was gonna take back yo challenge ta Kurt an' challenge ol' La Puta. But na. You tryin' to weasel yo way into my not-so-chaste golden girdle by tryin' ta sucka me into a match wit you an yo lil' protege. Nuh uh. La Puta smell a dirty rat when it shittin' on her front door.

Management, if Trundle want this gold let him get it heself.

Bitch.

La Puta said...

By the way bitches. It's LADIES NIGHT! All you limp-dicked fucks get down and kiss the ground that me and Betty be walkin' on. Has there ever been such a thing, when ladies hold the two most coveted belts in Video Game Wrestling?

Dave Ken, what's the status on ladies holdin' they gold like we do in the history books?

Shit.

Somebody's Dad said...

Limp Poota you go talk that crap to someone who you can fool. I already got your number and you're not fooling this old man. And who else did you mention? Betty? Yeah, I smacked her ass around the ring just like I did yours. So play your little head games with these other fellas but it ain't working on me. You got nuthin'.

Mick Truck Drivor said...

You blindsided me last time La Puta, but I 'm still rollin! Looks like I am gonna have to run you right off the fuckin road! any one deserves a shot at that fuckin belt, I do. You bring your fuckin toads, Bitch, and i'll run them down like roadkill. You gut the guts La Supid Bitcha? One on one? Man to man? Head On? Rollin' Down The Highway...

The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless said...

Tinkle Boys been runnin' their mouths, runnin' round with somethin that dont belong to them. What say we shut 'em the fuck up Carla? Been cluckin like a bunch of chickens. Well you know what my favorite chicken is? FRIED!

Mickey Rooney said...

Puta, I have to agree with both assessments (did I spell that right? don't care - got to say ass)

1) Buck Trundle is a dirty weasel, addicted to gold the same way a junkie loves his smack.

2) It's ladies night and sistas are doin' it for themselves.

Unfortunately, I'm too stoned to check the history books and the WrestleTron-2000 library interface has some bugs, so I can't get any concrete evidence. However, I can't recall any other occasion upon which both titles have been held by ladies - especially ones such as lovely as yourselves.

Trundle - asses in seats are great, but your name isn't Weirdbeard, buddy. Nothing gives you the right to issue more than one challenge per day. You too, Cap'n Bitcheyes.