Oh Snap!...It's Wednesday night once again! Time for The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! It's a tag team shoot out this week, with 3 tag team matches this week, including a Syndicate Tag Team Title match! We also have a Ladder match, an Iron Man match, an Intercontinational title shot, and a World Heavyweight Title match! We're going off the rails on a crazy train! But hey, that's the way we like it! Total ANARCHY!!! Let's go to the ring!
In our first bout, we see Rocky Sukiyaki & Knuck Finn vs Somebody's Dad & Bronson Thunderhammer. Rocky & Knuck gave it their all...but judging from their records this season, wasn't much. Somebody's Dad & Thunderhammer foreclosed on their playhouse, and then burned it to the ground.
Winners: Somebody's Dad & Bronson Thunderhammer
Our second match is a LADDER MATCH! The Cap'n comes to the ring dressed as some sort of a voodoo priest, like that guy from Temple of Doom that tore people's hearts out. He has a tiny Koschei voodoo doll and he's poking the heart with a pin. His ladies are carrying paperwork with them - when they reach the ring, the Cap'n says, "that paperwork that my valets is carryin' -n-shit is the results from a recent DNA test that reveal who Janey's true father is! I used the same company as Maury Mufuckin' Povich -n-shit! But... I ain't gonna announce that shit 'till after the match, mufucka'! Koschei, The Cap'n is about to show tha' world who the real "Big Daddy" is, and I ain't talkin' bout no Don Garlits -n-shit!
This match is viscious! These two beat on each other all over the ring and arena floor! The ladder is set up, and both men are jockying to climb! The Cap'n & Koschei are both at the top on either side, trading punches! Suddenly Lil' Janey yells from ringside..."DADDY!" Koschei turns to look, and Janey tosses him her piggybank that she's clutching! *BAM!* Koschei The Deathless smashes it over the skull of the Cap'n, who straightens out & falls straight back off the ladder! Koschei grabs the briefcase, suspended from the ceiling! YEAH! The bell rings! Thats it!
"Up Where We Belong" blasts through the P.A., as Lil' Janey Runs to Koschei's arms! They hug! The ring attendant opens the case, and hands the envelope to Koschei...he takes it...looks at Janey...& RIPS IT UP! He gives her a kiss, & Hoists her up on his shoulders, as they head to the back, Love lift us up still plays on the P.A. system!
I'm going to the ring...I gotta know! Let me see...if I can piece this paper together to see...hmmmmmm...that's nice....It says Koschei The Deathless...99.9%...you ARE the father of Lil' Janey Deathless! I knew it! I knew it!...and so did Koschei...in his heart. And that's what really mattered. A dazed Bitcheyes is finally coming to, as his valets help him onto one of his 7 ponies, and escort him to the back
Winner: Koschei The Deathless
The third bout of the evening is a tag match between The Rock-n-Roll Foundation...and JoMax & JayBob! The Foundation has been preachin' the good word of the Lord as of late, and now they are about to test that faith in the ring. They were quickly dispatched by J&J. "Your Jesus or whomever, says his father made the whole world in 7 days...well, we here at Intensive Enterprises are quite efficient as well, kicking your pitiful asses in 2 minutes and 7 seconds. We almost feel bad. Maybe next quarter, we shall make a donation to your church!hahahahahah", They both said...
Winners: JoMax & JayBob, of Intensive Industries
Get ready now fans, for the IRON MAN MATCH! 60 minutes...2 men...who is the toughest? The man with the most pinfalls after 60 minutes is the winner. The other...a loser...if that's what you would call a man who goes head to head with another man for a solid hour! I sure wouldn't! That's some kind of tough you have to be to endure that! It's the young lion in one corner...Kurt Murphy! a rookie upstart, this kid has faced the best this season, and even put a World Heavyweight title reign under his belt! Being led to the ring now, by a group of trainers, cornermen, & waterboys, is the old pit bull...Buck "Tiger" Trundle. The winningest man in the league so far this season. He's a multiple champion, and a real head cracker. Beloved by fans of the science for doing it old school, and at the same time hated by many...for doing it old school. He don't take guff, backsteps, or excuses. His profession is wrasslin', and he does it better than anyone....but now someone is knocking at the door. It's Kurt Murphy...his protege of sorts. Heart or experience? Each has some of both. Who will win out? Let's find out! *Ding-Ding*
Buck gets a final word from his corner, and meets Kurt in the center of the ring. He extends a hand to Murphy. Kurt shakes it...then after...he slaps Buck across the face. Buck slaps him back....then Kurt slaps Buck back! They are trading slaps...hard slaps...to each others face! Then, it all breaks loose! Kurt, with all of the things that have happened to him this season, takes all that pent up rage, and focuses it like a laser, and aims it straight at Trundle! He wrestles like a man possessed! Buck tries to get over on the kid, but its like Murphy studied hours of tape, and almost anticipates Trundle's every move! Buck is no slouch...he gets a pin or two here or there...but at the end of 60 minutes, the pincount stands: Buck Trundle,5...Kurt Murphy...23! holy smokes! Buck Trundle just lays in the ring. Kurt is celebrating and Buck just... he just lies in the center of the ring, totally flabbergasted that he got beat. Like he's in shock. He sits up and clutches his knees to his chest, rocking back and forth and ... is he weeping? Is he quietly weeping (NOT crying, NOT bawling... just very quietly weeping).? I believe he is! Kurt Murphy grabs the microphone and starts to speak. " Buck Trundle, Sally Fingerjob, The Craptain, and all the rest of my critics and detractors...Y'all can KISS...MY...ASS! I may be young, dude, but I took the best that there is out there today, and whipped on him for a solid hour! I pinned him 23 times! That's one pin for every year that I've been sucking air! And the air...never tasted so sweet as it does tonight, dude! So next week...I demand, as a former champion, and the man who just slayed the dragon that is Buck Trundle...a shot at the World Heavyweight Title, Dude! Right now, I'M the hottest thing going around here, and soon y'all will find out that you just don't fuck with Kid Murphy!"
Several officials as well as his team members come into the ring to console him. After a few minutes, BUCK GOES BERZERK!!! He totally demolishes everyone. Fuckin' suplexes left and right! He's got a referee in a crippler crossface and won't let go until finally Dave Ken, Monte Altazzar and a few wrestlers break it up! Buck then goes back to the locker room, totally pissed!
Winner: Kurt Murphy
Tag Team Gold is on the line now, as former champs Carl Stonewall & The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless take on the reigning Syndicate Tag Team Champions, The Sweet-Winkle Connection. There is a score to settle here, after The Sweet-Winkle Connection defeated Stone/Law for the straps. Carl & Lawless still seem to not be the chumiest of chums, jawjacking back & forth to each other about who is tougher. The match almost seems like an afterthought to these two, as the bell rings. They take it to the Connection hard, going blow for blow with the champs. Stone/Law has the Sweet-Winkles breathing hard and sweating! Lawless finally puts Sweet Randy on his back with a belly to back suplex, and goes for the cover...but Stonewall reaches through the ropes and tags his partners back! As Lawless protests to the ref, Stonewall makes the cover, and the ref shoves him out of the way, and administers the 3 count! New champs! New Champs! Buck Lawless grabs the ref and socks him in the mouth! "Stonewall, you fucking gloryhound! You can't steal my pin! Don't make me fuck you up!"... "I just didn't want you to fuck it up Lawless!", bellowed Stonewall. They argued all the way to the back!
Winners: Carl Stonewall & The Bountyhunter Buck Lawless
Next up is a match for the Intercontinational Title! It's Mick "Truck" Drivor VS the Champ, La Puta Negra! She's made quite a splash on the scene this season, and she is one tough broad! But can she keep the gold around her waist after dealing with that steel-belted stud, "Truck" Drivor? The bell rings, and they go at it! La Puta is fightin' down & dirty, gouging the eyes of Truck, and taking as many liberties that she can. Drivor downshifts though, and starts to roll! He's hungry for the belt, and La Puta Negra is like that doughnut from the diner! It was a long haul, but Mick "Truck" Drivor drops his load on La Puta, and puts the brakes on her title reign! With a powerbomb and a rollup...1,2,3! Truck Wins!
Winner: Mick "Truck" Drivor
Our Main Event of the evening is a match for The World Heavyweight Title! Champion, Serengeti Betty answers the challenge of the man they call Weirdbeard!! "Beard started out this season under a mask, calling himself Blackpube The Pirate. He's had his ups & downs, but now, he's in it to win it! Serengeti Betty is no stranger to adversity as well. She's climbed up from the bottom rung of this league, being beaten, burned, and stabbed along the way...and now she sits on the throne! She's the champ...and that goes in the history books, and blows through the winds of time! The bell rings, and they get down! Betty shows weirdbeard some of that jungle cat she's got inside, but the 'Beard gets FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY, jack! Betty knows the dance, but Weirdbeard is shuckin' & a Jivin' beeah-bay! Betty jumps from the top rope for a cross body splash, but Weirdbeard turns it into a powerslam! He shoots into the ropes, and comes back with a wild eyed strut, and drops the BIG ELBOW down on the chesticles of Betty! You can almost see all the breath come out of her lungs! 1...2......3!!! Weirdbeard has done it! Weirdbeard has done it! He drops to his knees & kisses the gold belt as the ref hands it to him! He runs to the ringside area and tries to high five the fans at ringside, but some pull back. Weirdbeard then reaches down into his tights, and pulls a bottle of hand sanitizer from his tights, and slathers some on his hands. All the fans hen reach out and high five the new champ, as he runs around the ring and up the ramp...Shuckin' and a jivin' all the way beahh-bay!
Wow! one hell of a week! All the titles changed hands! We just want to let you know...next week...Kurt Murphy will be granted a World Heavyweight Title shot. Good match Kurt! 23 pins...wow...
Also...the tag ranks have really been heating up! New Syndicate Champions...two time Champions...Carl Stonewall & The Bountyhunter Buck Lawless, will defend against ranked #1 contenders...JoMax & JayBob of Intensive Industries!
There are 3 weeks left of the season! It's getting close! March 18th is the last show of the season, before the final Free For View! We have some some suprizes lined up concerning the Main Event! Stay tuned!
48 comments:
The Sukiyaki-Finn team up was just pathetic, I feel like we beat up the booger eating kids on the playground when the recess lady wasn't looking. I didn't feel guilty when I did that in grade school and I don't feel guilty about it now. Thanks for sharing the ring, Dad, I actually had some fun this time around. Anytime you wanna bitch-pummel another team, I'll be happy to step in the ring with you.
*beedle-ee Beedle-ee* Cap'n, what happened? Your loft dwelling should put your comfort level at high in a ladder match. *beedle-ee beedle-ee* This does not compute. is it possible your concentration/lateral think matrix needs adjusting, or is damaged? *beedle-ee beedle-ee* Maybe human female Sally can help with your repairs? You are always are saying to her, " Sally, get these nuts -n-shit"...*beedle-ee beedle-ee* Is Sally using the correct tool to adjust your nuts & bolts? *beedle-ee beedle-ee*
Speakin' of Bronson Thunderhammer and Somebody's Dad... shit. Ah was on a fast track ta becomin' the hottest commodity this here rasslin' league had ever seen. Ah was damn near undefeated and Ah'd held the Intercontinational title all the way up until Ah won the World title. Ah was a shootin' star... kinda like Bronson Thunderhammer back 'fore his career went tits-up. And just like Thunderhammer a couple a seasons back, Ah've been on a losin' streak as of late. It's high time ol' Buck got his groove back.
Ah don't intend ta wind up like Thunderhammer though! Ah don't wanna be no washed-up has-been that gets paraded out ev'ry once in a while ta try ta get a little cheap heat for a loser like Somebody's Dad.
And Ah don't intend ta be like Somebody's Dad either - there's a guy who had it all and didn't appreciate it one bit! Champion a the damn World and now ya year nary a peep outta him. Never even bought me that Stroh's he always promises ta ev'body he tussles with. What a washed-up pathetic lump of crap.
Well... Ah guess two losses in a row puts me back on the bottom rung of the ladder. And when you're on the bottom, ya got nowheres ta go but up. And Ah ain't the only one down here.
But Ah'll tell ya what Ah'm gonna do. Ah'm gonna set a goal fer myself and that goal is ta prove ta each n' ev'ry one of ya that Ah still got it. How'm Ah gonna do that? Ah'm gonna team with the one guy who sucks more'n any body else n' Ah'm gonna prove that with me at his side, he can win!
Rocky Sukiyaki... how 'bout you n' me team up n' take on ol' Thunderhammer n' Somebody's Dad? Let's see if'n they can put their money where they're big fat mouths are!
Lemme get this correct in my head. Buck Trundle just challenged the losingest muthafucker around? That kinda makes you an even bigger douche than Sushiyaki, don't it?
Ah think ya better learn how ta read, Moses. Ah know Ah'm a bit of a rambler... but not only did Ah challenge the biggest loser, Ah offered ta team up with an even BIGGER loser!
Me n' Sukiyaki vs. Thunderhammer & Dad. Why? Maybe Ah'm crazy, maybe Ah'm stupid - but Ah got somethin' ta prove! Ah made Kurt Murphy a winner - mebbe Ah can do it with Sukiyaki too!
OH BEEBIA!!! OH BEEBIA!!! OH BEEBIA!!!
THIS is what you call TRUE RASSLIN HEAVEN!! Being the TOP man in the WORLD! Serenspaghetti Betty, I must say, you sure can fight... for a woman.
-Cap'n BrownEye, SHIT ON YOU!
-Fuck Trundleberry, SHIT ON YOU!
-Kocheesy, SHIT ON YOU!
-Sheet Tinkle, SHIT ON YOU!
-La PoonTang Negro, SHIT ON YOU!
-Mick "Yugo" Driver, SHIT ON YOU!
-Booty Licker DICK Lawfull, SHIT ON YOU!
-Somebody Unlucky's Dad, SHIT ON YOU!
And anybody else I forgot, SHIT ON YOU TOO!
Except Henderson POOP&PEEvey, You're a FUCKING Asshole, FUCK YOU!
Which brings me to you, KURT!! Sure, you're the young Lion, the Brass Nuts, the only guy in this FED who'se been shit on more than me this season, and I'll give it to you, you KICKED Trundleberry's fucking Ass!!
But I gotta tell you something, boy, I'll see yer Rage and raise you 35 years in this business. Blood, Shit, Broken Bones, More Shit, Torn Muscles, More Shit and some shit on top of that has culminated into THIS MOMENT!!
I can say without a shadow of a doubt, I AM THE BEST RIGHT NOW!! I'M BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU!!
I almost forgot:
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well Mr. Bitcheyes. While I will raise Janey as I always have, I believe you have an appointment with my attorney regarding your back child support payments for the last nine years, which roughly equals to about nine million dollars. Hope your hands aren't too busted up to start writin' checks bitch! I promised Janey ponies, and ponies she'll get you slob!
Now that I have my daughter's love again, it's time I started concentrating on bustin' some fuckin' heads. And now that I'm rich, I don't have to be so nice anymore, so fuck all of you, especially Weirdbeard.
Congratulations Mick "Truck" Drivor. Don't get too comfy with that belt, I plan on takin' it from you next week and using it like a baby carrier to haul my little lovin' Janey around town!
Cap'n. Sorry, but you just didn't have it in you and now I'm going to keep living with daddy and he says that you "fucked up real bad" by letting everyone know my paternity and so daddy's not going to have to work two jobs anymore especially as a chef at Sizzler and that we're going to buy a ranch and have all the wrestlers over except you can't come even though you're going to be paying for the party. Thanks Cap'n!
So was there a challenge in that dingleberry's rant or not? I may be old, but I don't think that's the reason I just don't understand that fella at all. There was a time when a well groomed man was not something to be ashamed of. You're not a sissy boy for washing your hair, hands and feet. Brushing your teeth just made the ladies that much more eager to slap a kiss on you. Weirdbeard is just a foul human being in general. If he didn't actually make a challenge outta that mush-mouth of his, then I'd like to challenge him.
I may have to get a new belt after tanning his filthy hide, but I think everyone will be better off for it. If he's supposed to be the best, let him (or anyone else that's talking crap about me right now) step in to the ring and find out for yourself how over the hill I am!
That means I'm tired of tag matches. You lack of talent backburners are getting a little carried away with your words about me, so I think it's time I start setting the record straight...one by one.
What a Night!!
All I gots to say is "KURT, KURT, KURT!"
HOLY SHIT! Kurt, you kicked the everliving SHIT out of that dickweed. You may have become my favorite rassler this year all in one match. I hope you have at least a tiny bit of that rage left for Weirdbeard, you're going to need it.
And, Weirdbeard, WOW! I can't believe you won that belt. That win will put you in the annals of the VGWA! Great Job!
But the most exciting thing going on right now (Aside from KURT, KURT, KURT!) is this Tag Division Heating up like a Phoenix just before it burns out. It's White Hot!! Keep it comin!!
Tell you what, Trundle. I'll take both you and whoever you wanna team up with in a handicap match. Go whup their asses Dad, I'll take this flaptrap for you.
I had wondered what it would take to draw Somebody's Dad out of retirement and - what's that? He wasn't retired? My mistake. Anyway, it seems that the drunken ramblings of this redneck Trundle have done the job. Will this match be taking place in a nursing home?
And then Somebody's Dad, proving that dementia has finally set in, sees fit to challenge Weirdbeard when the Board of Directors has already stated that Kurt Murphy will get a title shot next week. Way to go old man! You sure are... old.
That was awfully nice of you to offer to let Somebody's Dad sit this one out though, Thunderhammer.
And I'd be remiss if I didn't congratulate Weirdbeard on his title victory. Good job, Mr. Beard! You've beaten the only person with a shittier win/loss record than Kurt Murphy! Wow, that's almost like beating R.J. McCall. You should be proud.
Oh that's right, I had forgotten what a butt boy Kurt Murphy was around these parts. That's more than alright, if he can't check Weirdbeard then I'll get him the week after their match. Somehow I don't think lil Kurt has the stones to deal with Weirdbeard but we'll see. More power to you junior. Hope your insurance is paid up!
Wow, did Weirdbeard and Somebody's Dad switch personalities? Weirdbeard has become a balls-to-the-wall asskicker and Somebody's Dad gets on to challenge for the title two weeks in advance and he's TOTALLY full of shit!
Hey, good luck next week, Kurt. Would it be okay if I was in your corner? I mean, just to like, give you a water bottle and stuff?
Jack Halen: Well brother, we lost again. But you know what? Some of our prayers were answered.
Tyler Van Leppard: That's right buddy. The Lord works in mysterious ways. He shuts a door, but then opens a window.
JH: A window of opportunity for our Brother in Christ Kurt Murphy!
TVL: Way to go, Kurt! I hope this proves to you that with Christ on your side, you can accomplish anything!
JH: That's right baby - the power of Christ compelled you to victory and right to the World Title match!
BOTH: Praise God!
Lookit that! Somebody finally shut La Stupid Bitcha right the fuck up! You fought pretty good, not as well as you ran your mouth, but in the end You got run over. I guess you never heard the old expression, When the going gets tough, the Stupid Bitches get knocked the FUCK OUT! So Koochie the Dickless, I am just getting rolling and you are lookin at my grill running down on you! You best keep your little girly out the way too. As we all know I run down any Bitches that get in my way. Rolled my Peterbilt out on the highway, Gotta make it out for one more night, Pulled on out and rolled myself a number, Turned on Old Merle Haggard for the ride...
You fuckin soft headed son of a Bitch Carla! Your Dumb ass almost cost me my fuckin titles! Tag Team Belts back where they belong! SweetTinkles take your sorry asses back to your home state of Douche- Achussets. I will go back to my regular job. Being the Governor of Massa-FuckinKissMyAss! Who's next? Keep settin them up, and if Carla aint too senile, we'll keep knockin' them down!
Ha ha! That was devilishly exciting wasn't it brother!
Indeed... Indeed...
Who was it we just defeated? We can't seem to remember, seems as though their marketing was as weak as their style! Ah well, brother. On to better and more glorious things, as it were.
Indeed brother!
Indeed, next week will see us, the Fabulous J's of Intensive Industries against the glorious team of that fan favorite Carl Stonewall, and the humble but terrible Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless! Indeed! What a match!
We expect that Frontier Anarchy pull out all the stops for this one, as it will be a thriller! As there will be pyrotechnics, make sure to wear your Intensive Industries Explosives Viewing Goggles! Because we're DYNAMITE!!!
Who will come out on top? Whose shares will climb to the highest summits of solvency? And whoes stock will crash low, low, low... Lower than the deepest dregs of society ever imagined in their debt-ridden nightmares?!!
Tune in folks, as we'll be unveiling a sneak peak at the new Carl Stonewall and Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless action figures by Intensive Industries at the show!
Oh SNAP! Looks like the Cap'n stayed up too late givin the biznasss to Sally Fingerle! Oh well, sometimes you're the winshield n' sometimes you're the muthafuckin' bug.
Koochie, Janey - good luck together and good luck on your ICN title shot n' shit. Next time though, read the fine print: The DNA test revealed I'm not the father! The Cap'n don't owe you SHIT!
But it looks like opportunity knocks muthafuckers! The Capn's been waitin' all season to tie it up with ol' Spagetti Betty and next week, I think I'll have my chance! Betty baby... it's time to come home to papa! (just don't let Sally know)
BLAOWWWWW!!!
(Kurt! Kurt baby... I gotta be quick... the Capn's taking a dump, but I've only got a few minutes... Kurt, it's not true! The Cap'n is blackmailing me! He's got some dirty pictures and he's threatening to post them online ... he MADE ME turn on you, baby! You know I love you and I would never do something like that no matter what, but he got these pictures from an old boyfriend and now he says he'll put them online if I don't pretend to be his girlfriend... Kurt baby, you gotta believe me!)
Huh huh. Dude, remember when we visited Churliss's place an that chick was takin a shower with the lights on but it was dark and she didn't have no windows er i mean curtins and you could ttoaly see her washin her tits? What i'm sayin bro is don't fall for it, don listen to Sally cuz she's jus gonna hurt you again. Me and the girls figure that there's no way that shes tleling the truth cuz why would she say it now and not at your wedding thats bullshit. Unless maybe she found out the cap'n had some terrible secret like he likes to strangle hookers or something or jerk off to animal planet. Shit dude, dis you see that tigers vs lions on animal planet the other night? It was fuckin awesome, the tiger won but that was bullshit. Youre like the lion dude, except you win and stuff I think. So don't believe Slaly cuz sh'es just blowing smoke up your ass bro.
BlowMax And GayBob You fuckin' Douche Bags, we dont need your fuckin' stupid ass marketing! You kick ass like we do and everything else takes care of itself! So shove your little dolls straight up your ass! It's all about putting asses in the seats and plenty of people are gonna show up to see Us knock your fuckin teeth out! Get your paperwork done boys. It's gonna get bloody!
Shit Mick, don get too proud a yoself darlin', you just finally made it to the show! You enterin' the league a champions now! I only lose to the best, so don' blow it baby, I know how you get all nervous and sweaty before you perform. But La Puta be rootin' for you, I know yo ugly ass don' have many fans. But thats cool, thats cool. Don't blow all your winnings on caffeine pills and leatherboys now.
How you gonna market somethin' this awesome, huh? Can you market a fuckin' HURRICANE? I didn't think so. Besides, what kid would play with a doll as fuckin' ugly as Buck Lawless? NOBODY!
Next week - two more asses kicked courtesy of Carl Stonewall.
oh yeah, and Buck Lawless too.
Hey guys,
Congratulations to Weirdbeard! You've been in the business for some time now and you've had your ups and downs. But I think you've earned this one. But be prepared: now the hunter becomes the hunted. They're all going to be gunning for you.
Congratulations are also in store for my new favorite tag team, Carl Stonewall and "Bounty Hunter" Buck Lawless. I hope you guys can put your differences aside though, or else you won't hold on to the titles for long.
And who can believe that Mick "Truck" Drivor beat La Puta Negra? No offense to the Truck, he's obviously quite talented, but when La Puta entered the league, she was a house of fire! I guess that fire's been quenched, but I bet not for long!
Speaking of stunning losses and upsets, Buck Trundle looks like he's going for the "First to WORST" award! If that guy could control his temper, he'd probably be on top for a long time, but the way he's going, who knows?
And finally, way to go Kurt Murphy! You've also had some ups and downs, but it appears that the title of "rookie sensation" can be given unto you. Well done, my friend.
thanks,
Dan Browning
YEAH MOFOS THAT IS WHAT IS RIGHT!!!
and buck dude suck a dick cuz like when you climbs up high you fall from up high not like a ladder fall like captian underpants done but like when you all puffed up like a balloon full of sin trying to reach heaven but sin is liek way heavy and you aint making it but you know right on dude cuz like that match was SUPER hard and stuff but i was focusing on jesus dudes and he ketp me staying strong brothers!
but like what the eff cuz did wierdo make me a challenge cuz when real dudes do that they like say hey man im challenging you but maybe cuz hes retarded like franky who works at the lane brant store in the mall he cant talk right as normal peolple talk?
and whatevs sally cuz you showed me the pics on myspace of you and thos e dudes when you had the dog hump you on the face and stuff and i knew how it aws your past and all so eff you cuz i dont have no trust for you no more and my bud kulmer set me up with a real nice christan girl and she got a kid and all but that means shes got the resposablity and is no bitch slut like you so eff off
dudes im PUMPED rigt now!!!
thanks dan dude its real nice of you!
Whackbeard you sure do suck a lot of cock...for a man.
for real cuz jesus didnt think there should be any gays and im not sure if im comfortible being in the rign with a homo
so like are you a homo dude or what? cuz like the bible says its wrong and how there was no adam and steve but adam and eve so maybe RNR and i can talk to you about being with jesus and how hes a dude but not like WITH him like buttsex but like living your life all pure insted
Well if no one else is going to do it, I guess I'll have to. Next week's matches ... until Mr. LaLonde waltzes in with some ridiculous proclamation stating otherwise... is:
1) B. Trundle & R. Sukiyaki vs. B. Thunderhammer & S. Dad
2) Captain Bitcheyes vs. Serengeti Betty
3) Koschei the Deathless vs. Mick "Truck" Drivor - for the Intercontinational Championship
4) La Puta Negra vs. Knuck Finn
5) C. Stonewall & B. Lawless vs. Jay Max & Jo Bob of Intensive Enterperises - for the Syndicate Tag Team Championships
and your Main Event...
World's Heavyweight Champion WEIRDBEARD defends his title against the rookie sensation KURT MURPHY
You're welcome Mr. LaLonde. I'll expect a little extra compensation in my paycheck next week.
Henderson Peavy
Professional Asshole
Jesus! You're fucking annoying, Peavy.
Knuck Finn? For reals? Knuck Finn? Jesus Christ...
Oh, I gon say this once. You know when you shit a bunch cuz you ate an assload a starch or something, an you take a shit that's like a bowling pin and it clog up the toilet? But it clog up the toilet, like, deep down in the plumbing, and you gotta reach in and just fuckin' grab that bowlin' pin a shit and try an yank it out? But it all caught up in hair, an so you got a big ol' clump a hair and shit squishin' tween you fingers, and you be yankin' and yankin' but it don wanna come out? An you thinkin' "what the fuck? Weirdbeard been keepin' his snacks down my toilet?" But nah. An it ain't Truck Drivor's shit-stained condoms neither (cuz he make some sort a folk-art with is leatherboy leftovers "Drivor's Delights". So it ain't that, it aint' that at all. Is worse.
Well thas how I feel about Knuck Finn in this league. He like Rocky Sukiyaki Sr. or somethin. He the second losinest motherfucker up in here, and I gotta wrestle him? I been clashin' with Titans an' now I gots to go sit with the mortals. Shit, La Puta's got another climb ahead a hear. I'm still the greates, but shit...
Ms. Negra,
Yes, you will be working a match with Mr. Knucklberry Finnegan next week. After your embarrasing performance against Mr. Drivor and Ms. Betty several weeks ago, be thankful you even have a job with this company anymore.
Henderson Peavy, esq
Professional Asshole
Mouthpiece for Blackjack LaLonde
Peavey, you can suck a dick. Check yo records fool. I only lose to those who wear the gold. So even if I lost ta Drivor an Betty, they champs ain't they? I keep good company sucka. An I a champ, I held two a tha belts up in this league, so shut yo trap and stick ta talkin' sense before you get yo ass served. When you as good as I am you don't sweat the small stuff, like yo dick.
Bitch, after I shove a railroad tie up your ass and shi you to Okie-town yer gonna regret talkin' shit to ol' Knuck like that. I scrape shit like you outta ma fingernails and feed it ta ma wild pack o huntin' rats. Just like ol' Drivor put you in the trailer to set out in the sun, I'm gonna pack up my bindle o' pain an' take you on a one way trip to bumtown bitch!
"Muh mufter muh muh a muh muh muh muff muh muh..."
That what you sound like. What you sayin' Knuck? I can't hear you cuz a all that retarded that be floatin round your body like the gay assed ghost a Patrick Swaze cradlin' you in he arms while you be makin' urns an shit outta Weirdpube's locker contents.
Hey Carla. Dont be huffin gas and fuckin those nasty Bitches at the rest home again before the match. Theres only a couple brain cells left up there. I dont want 'em gettin lonely. I could whip the shit out of these fuckwads myself, but I shouldnt have to. Just keep that thick fuckin headin the match and these douchebags dont have a chance!
It's too bad they puttin you in a match with Fuck Kin. You fight better than that Puta. Then again maybe they heard Fuckin' and just thought of you whorin' around. When's that party in Slap'n Bitches honor? I call him Slsp'n Bitches cuz I have seen alot like him on the long haul. He sure looks like a Slappin Bitch! Kinda like Puta 'cept not as sexy. You might wanna have your shindig before wednesday Dickless. You aint gonna be able to eat much without any Fuckin' teeth! See ya Later. They call me the Breeze, I keep Rollin' down that road...
What the fuck you talkin' bout Drivor? Are you all hopped up on goofballs or somethin' boy? You talkin' shit ta me? Ta La Pasta? Bitcheyes? Or you talkin' to yer favorite road sock puppets, Mr. Cumguzzler and the Post-Porn Cleanup Crew?
Mr. Drivor,
As it turns out, you are due for your annual drug test. Please come to Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate offices sometime today to leave a... specimen.
Henderson Peavy
Professional Asshole
Yeah! I think Mick Drivor is the one huffing gas! What the fuck is he talking about. All I could really make out was the word fuck, and something about him finding The Cap'n sexy, but not as sexy as La Puta Negra? Oh brother!
Isn't he wrestling Koschei The Deathless? Goofball!
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