The End isn't nigh...It's here, baby! The last show of the season...and the big one, daddy...GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD! Let's get it started in here. Let's get retarded in here!
Kicking it off tonight is Serengeti Betty VS. Knuck Finn. Betty must, by contract, after losing last week, wrestle in a dress! And she is rocking it too! Chanel is very good to here, and Knuck Finn is sucking some serious Vera "Wang"! Fierce on the catwalk and in the ring, Betty is the hotstepper tonight...word 'em up.
Winner: Serengeti Betty
And now, the first matchin the GFTG series...Champ Kurt Murphy takes on Challenger Buck Trundle. This season, these two were almost a quazi-Father & Son. Kurt is a rookie sensation, but old Buck Trundle has ice water in his veins, and grit in his teeth! The old dog showed the pup a few new tricks, and put him outside, showing who the biggest dog of the yard is! Trundle picks up a win, and becomes the New WORLD CHAMPION!
Winner: Buck Trundle
Up next is a match for the Intercontinational Title. Mick "Truck" Drivor challenges La Puta Negra for the belt! La Puta Negra may hold that belt, but Drivor has another type of belt...a steel belting, which he uses to run his opponents down...and he's got 18 of 'em! Wheels that is. He opened it up on La Puta, and like a deer in the head lights, she didn;'t even have a chance!
Winner: Mick "Truck" Drivor
Artimus Kreeme, talent agent for the league, makes his way to the ring, as La Puta is pulling herself together.
"Good show, my dear, good show! Fans...the votes are in and have been tallied! it was a close race for Wrestler of the Year! Our second runner up in the voting was...Kurt Murphy! Congrats Murph! Our first runner up....he's that jive talking, slick walking, Sultan of the swat...the red haired rambler...the riverboat gambler...that dirty son of a bitch...Cap'n Bitcheyes! and the winner of this season's Wrestler Of The Year award...as voted by YOU! The Fans!....is...
La Puta Negra!
Way to go, girl! You took it alll, and said, Y'all can get gritty, but I'm a gonna stay shitty! You stuck it to 'em...rocked & socked them...and wrestled your way into the hearts and minds of fans everywhere! Congratulations La Puta Negra...THE TRUE PEOPLES CHAMPION!
Fans, the next match is now being set up at ringside, and it smells disgusting! On either side of the ring is a bathtub. One...is filled with hot clean bubble water...the other in lined at the bottom with thumbtacks! Then filled with shit! But, not just any shit. we had connected the toilet pipes in all the stalls in the locker room to a big vat in the basement of the building, and have been saving all of our wrestler's shits all season long. Then...we filled the tub!
Henderson Peavy makes his way to ringside! In his squeaky voice he proclaims, "Blackjack has assigned me to be the special referee in this match! Weirdbeard, you had better keep it clean buddy!" As he wagged his finger in 'Beard's face, Weird grabbed it and twisted! As Henderson let out a howl, Weirdbeard jacked him right in the jaw, sending him ass over tea kettle, right into the shit tub! Peavy squealed like a little piggy, as all those tacks pierced his skin, allowing all of that shit to seep right into 20,000 small puncture wounds. Damn...can you say Hepatitis? Nasty!
With that, Bitcheyes and Weirdbeard go at it! The tussle to and fro, leaving no violent stone of aggression unturned! As Weird had Cap'n down and seemed to be getting the best of him, Sally ran over to get involved, and save her man! She knelt down in front of him, and looked up with a devilish grin, as she placed her hands on his hips! Weirdbeard's eyes became aglow as he reached down to fiddle with the drawstring of his trunks! Just then, Sally frowned and shook her head, as she gave Weirbeard a shot right to the nuts! As he grabbed his jewels, the Cap'n knelt down on all fours behind him, and Sally shoved him backwards! Weirdbeard fell right in the tub of hot soapy water! Cap'n Bitcheyes wins! The Cap'n's valets came to ringside and held Weirdbeard down, as he and Sally scrubbed him clean!
Winner: Cap'n Bitcheyes
Up next is our second of three matches in The GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD! Newly crowned champ, Buck Trundle defends against the wrestler of the year...the people's champ, La Puta Negra! The bell rings and the two combatants throw down! They tear up the ringside area like a tornado, as chairs, tables, and various other debris fly through the air! An old lady at ringside, who at the begining of the season, cheered on the then fan favorite, Trundle, says something to the champ. He laughs at the old lady, then goes stone cold, and slaps her across the face! Oh my god, what an asshole! La Puta nails him from behind, and helps the old lady back in her seat. She reaches into her purse and produces a whiskey bottle! She nips the bottle and hands it to La Puta Negra! La Puta takes a pull, then cracks the bottle over Trundle's head! She takes the jagged end and then slashes just a little "L" shaped cut into the rib area of Buck Trundle. La Puta gives Trundle a running powerslam, and rolls him up! 1,2,3! New Champion again! La Puta Negra!
Winner: La Puta Negra
Buck comes to, and shakes La Puta's hand. He then waves to the fans, and walks to the back with his bloody head held high.
The next match is for the Syndicate Tag Team Titles! Our champs Carl Stonewall & The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless are taking on...Koschei The Deathless. He doesn't have a partner, but this doesn't stop a man like him! He is all man & a yard wide! But this is a pretty tall order, taking on the most dominant tag team all season by yourself! He's got guts, I'll give him that! Stonewall and Lawless look like a pack of wolves, just waiting to pounce on the lone gunman, Koschei the Deathless. They are almost salivating! The bell rings, and its loggerheads! Koschei holds his own and gives the champs the business, send them repeatedly to the floor! But, over time, the just outnumber & conquer the big man with the bigger heart!It doesn't look good for Koschei...but wait!...The P.A. system fires up with a familiar, hard rocking anthem...AC DC's "Back In Black"! Just then...
The DDT comes running to the ring! Oh my god! He is standing in Koschei's corner, jumping up and down for that hot tag!Stonewall and Lawles both try to trade blows with Koschei, to keep him from his corner, but he has a second wind! He's blocking their blows, and returning each one with one of his own, until Stonewall and The Bounty Hunter hit their backs to the mat! Koschei, in one deperate attempt lunges to his corner...and tags in The DDT! He's a house of fire!As Koschei tosses Carl Stonewall to the floor, The DDT hits The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless with what he call "THEE DDT"...his patented version of the move! The roll up and the pin! New tag champs!
Winners: Koschei The Deathless & The DDT
And now...the Main event of the season! The finals of the GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD! It had to come to this...STONEWALL...NEGRA...For the richest prize in the sport...best of friends, best of enemies. The each drive each other to be the best. Carl has been up and down that mountain, and now La Puta Negra, has made it to the top as well. Who will be the king of the mountain? With the ringing of a bell, we are about to find out. As the bell rings, both gladiators just lean back into their respective corners and just smile at each other...but one of those shit eating grin type smiles. At the same time, they walk to the middle of the ring, and shake hands. Carl then slaps La Puta's face. She chuckles and slaps Carl's face with equal ferocity!The two trade two or three slaps back and forth, pausing each time, almost like some sort of violent foreplay to the vulgar display of power we are about to witness. we are at the eye of a wrestling storm which is about to consume us all...and here comes the fiery hail! The two lock horns, and the fight is on! These two leave it all on the mat as they rage in battle for the World Heavyweight Title! At the very end, either wrestler can barely stand! They each go into the ropes, and both clothesline each other! Double clotheslines, and each are out on the mat! The ref looks in on each fighter, and begins to administer the ten count! The first man to his feet wins! 1...2...3...4...they are stirring, ach trying to pull themselves up by the ropes!...5...6...7...8...9......both are almost standing, as Carl reaches out, and grabs La Puta in a waistlock. He spins her up and over for a Carl-Plex, and collapses on top of her limp body! the ref counts the pin...1...2...3! Stonewall has done it! He's The new World Heavyweight Champion! He's the King Of The Mountain! The dressing room clears as the wrestlers hoist him up on their shoulders! Fans rush the ring! It's Pandemonium!
Winner: Carl Stonewall
Thank you all for making this first season of The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate a memorable one! We love you all! See you next season!
The World Heavyweight Title
The Best Of The Best In Professional Fantasy Videogame Wrestling
The Intercontinational Title
The Flagship Belt Of The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate
Syndicate Tag Team Championship
The Board Of Directors - Point Totals
About Me
- Black Jack Billy
- Welcome to the world of Professional Fantasy Videogame Wrestling! We are a no holds barred, no rules company, looking to put the "Rasslin" back in wrestling! Some people want to talk shit, some people will get hit, but if you are ready to play with the big boys, then Man Up!...and join the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate!
25 comments:
Snap. Wrestler of the year, lil bit as World Champion, Intercontinational champion, I seen it all an there ain't no dishonor in losin' to the best. Looks like I did what I came here to do. I love you all. Bitches.
Well shoot. Ah done did ev'rything Ah set out ta do. Best damn Intercontinational Champ this league has seen. Two-time World's Champion an' Ah only been beat by the best. Seems ta me like Mamma Trundle would be proud a her son and Ah'm damn proud a me too.
Ah'd like ta extend mah hand in thanks ta the Blackjack. Ya never did no wrong ta me an' ya gave me a chance ta excell like Ah knew Ah could.
The rest a y'all can suck it. 'Cept Betty. She done beat me fair n' square twice an' ain't nobody else can say that.
Ive paid my dues -
Time after time -
Ive done my sentence
But committed no crime -
And bad mistakes
Ive made a few
Ive had my share of sand kicked in my face -
But Ive come through
We are the champions - my friends
And well keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
cause we are the champions - of the world -
Ive taken my bows
And my curtain calls -
You brought me fame and fortuen and everything that goes with it -
I thank you all -
But its been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
I consider it a challenge before the whole human race -
And I aint gonna lose -
We are the champions - my friends
And well keep on fighting - till the end -
We are the champions -
We are the champions
No time for losers
cause we are the champions - of the world -
Way to go, people...way to go...two thumbs way up...and may they find their way "way up" the asses of all the doubters and nay-sayers. See you next season!
Wow, that was a complete waste of space. You could've just wrote the first verse - I think we ALL know how that song goes.
At any rate, good season one and all. Weirdbeard, you'll be hearing from my lawyers.
Henderson Peavey, esq
Oh muthafuckin' SHIT! Who else has won every belt Frontier Anarchy has to offer?
What's that? Oh I'm sorry - nobody! It's me, it's me: Ol' Cap-ee-tan BEE! I've got more gold in my TEETH than most of the rest of you have ever or are ever gonna hold 'round your waists n' shit.
Weirdbeard, you can eat a bag of dicks, my friend. But I hope you enjoy the makeover me n' my lady gave ya. Trust me, you'll catch more flies with honey n' shit...
As for the rest of all y'all - keep ballin'. I'll see you next season n' shit.
Well, well. Looks like the rest of you can open your mouths and insert your feet. Ol' Carl did it - I started the season on top and I finished the same way.
"Bounty Hunter" Buck Lawless, you were a hell of a partner and you're a hell of a man. Of course, you had to go and blow it by fucking up and getting pinned and costing us those tag belts. Oh well - I don't hold grudges.
La Puta... La Puta, La Puta. Never has there been a more deserving "People's Champ". You took this league by storm and played by nobody's rules but your own. They said you'd never do it, but you proved them all wrong. You're one hell of a tough lady and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't love you just a little bit. Maybe a whole lot.
Now's not the time for tears though; it's a time for celebration. Celebration of a career full of gold, riches and happiness. The celebration of me, Carl Stonewall - the greatest professional fantasy video game wrestler who ever laced boots.
As I said earlier in the season, this is the end of the road for me. Carl Stonewall's retirement begins now. Once the champ, always the champ.
Hell Son, a single tear just rolled down my cheek & into my beer. Carl...I only wish I could have managed you in my career. Then, I could have said that I managed ALL the greats. Cheers of beers to you.
Not to steal any of old Carl's thunder...but this sport has been very good to me as well. I was a champion wrestler, a two time manager of the year, taking every wrestler I ever instructed and guided to a title, and now, a sucessful owner of the greatest fantasy wrestling league in operation today. While I wish I could go on forever, I know I can't. There is a lot of work piling up on the Hidden Valley Ranch, and old Blackjack has never stared into a more beautiful sunset. I think I'm gonna ride off into it.
Effective now, you can consider me retired. In my absence, I am appointing Monte Altazzar as interim President in Trust of daily operations for the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate.
Thank you all for the entertainment, and also for allowing me to hopefully provide you with the same.
Come on, Carl...let's go get into my pick up truck, and go get something to drink....
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAAAWWW!!
From the Quill Tipped Pen of Ebeneezer Wheezleton...
That three were named Wrestler of the Year and that thrice the World's Title changed hands on this blessed night is a testament to the ability of those who compete in the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate.
That the man they call Blackjack could have crafted so delicious a slice of cake as this season is a testament to his brilliance.
If I may be so bold... is there a chance that the brilliance of Frontier Anarchy surpasses even that of Fantasy Unlimited Championship Rasslin? Of the Nintendo Wrestling Association? Could this be the shining star placed ever so gingerly atop the Christmas tree that is the VGWA?
Well done, one and all. Especially you, my dear La Puta. I always had faith in you and you never let me down.
Ebeneezer Wheezleton,
President in TRUST
Is this group of faggots and assholes the shining star atop the ... what the fuck kind of happy horseshit is this?
Thank god a REAL MAN like Carl Stonewall finally got hte World Title back! And the Peoples Champ is La Pupa Negro? That just proves taht theres a lot of idiots out there! The Turpz never voted for you and your not my champ, La Pupa! But whatever. This league was fun except for all the dropouts and pussies who couldnt keep up like Rocky Suckthecocky and Somebodys Mom.
Is FAGS better than FUCR? Not by a fucking longshot Ebenoozer Whoozleshits. Bring back Count Dante!
TURPZ RULEZZZZZZZZZ!
From the blood-drenched quill of La Puta Negra, the Rosa Parks of Fantasy Videogame Wrestling:
Hell ya'll, it been a hell of a ride.
Sorry to burst yo bubble Cap'n, but the People's Champ also held every belt up in here. I forgot to mention it earlier, but don worry, you aight an in good company.
Buck Trundle, without you I wouldn't got ta wear that World Champion belt, even fo a lil bit. Every time you lonely you can run yo rough hand up on that nasty "L" scar I carved on yo abdomen an you neva be alone.
Truck, you one tough motherfucker.
Peaves, you an asshole but that's cool, I like yo style.
Betty, let's get some men, an I mean a truckload.
Turpz, you a midget's dick wrapped around an eight year old's body, but you cool. I know you really voted for La Puta, maybe I send you an autographed, sexy La Puta poster ta hang ova you bed.
Blackjack, way I see it you the Lyndon B. Johnson of Video Game Wrestling, you let a poor, down on her luck, beautiful negress take her place in this white dominated profession, an gave her the chance to show what she could do. Hope I did good by ya.
Carl, it maybe fucked up, but I kinda glad I lost ta you in the last, no bigger honor than to have taken it back an forth with yo ass over the season and it ain't no shame to lose to THE GREATEST EVER! Way I see it, I already made it into the history books being half of your last battle, not to mention the first black woman to hold all three belts in ANY league. Stay golden you old war horse, Puta love you too.
Peace and snitches, bitches!
Weezey, you the greatest. La Puta love you.
Well pardon the shit out of me, La Puta! Even one so impressive as me makes a mistake n' shit from time to time.
Lissen, if you and Betty are lookin' for a big hunk of man to ease your feminine urges n' shit, look no further than me! I seen the way you two been lookin' at me all season and you KNOW I've been lookin' back! I've tossed Sally Fingerle to the curb n' shit and maybe the three of us can make a Championship Sandwich n' shit?
Call me.
La Puta, same right back to you. You one tough MotherFucker! We had some battles andyou were always up to the challenge. Congratulations. If you are ever lookin' for a Truck load, you just let me know hon. I'll see you all further down the road...
Folks, so I went out after the show and not only had sex for the first time with a willing female (willing being the operative word here)... I HAD SEX WITH HER GRANDMA TOO... AT THE SAME TIME!!!
They were both hot though. And the Grandma could do this thing with her feet to my face as she was on top of me.
Sex with people who want to have it is WAY more fun!!
I just might keep myself clean after this... or will I?!?
See?!?! I told you, muthafucker!
*beedle-ee Beedle-ee*
TotALLy n-n-n-n-n-shIT! Mu'FUCka'!
*beedle-ee Beedle-ee*
Jesus Christ. Have some dignity, Weirdbeard. Even though I'm holdin' the gold tag belts, I'm wishin' I had one more week to mash your face into an unrecognizable pulp of crimson ivory. Maybe I'll see you next season fuckwad, in another incarnation of your unique style of unmitigated douchebaggery.
We have received your application for World Championship status and are seriously considering granting you the title for another season. However, the VGWA receives many applications from many capable organizations and therefore can not give you an answer just yet.
Congratulations on a fine season!
this is the end....my only friend...the end.....and I walked on down the halllllllllll.....
The greatest adventure is what lies ahead.
Today and tomorrow are yet to be said.
The chances, the changes are all yours to make.
The mold of your life is in your hands to break.
The greatest adventure is there if you're bold.
Let go of the moment that life makes you hold.
To measure the meaning can make you delay;
It's time you stop thinkin' and wasting the day.
The man who's a dreamer and never takes leave
Who thinks of a world that is just make-believe
Will never know passion, will never know pain.
Who sits by the window will one day see rain.
The greatest adventure is what lies ahead.
Today and tomorrow are yet to be said.
The chances, the changes are all yours to make.
The mold of your life is in your hands to break.
The greatest adventure is what lies ahead.
Lies ahead...
No you don't, Jenny.
Last.
Last in the dick size line!
Carl loves Peavey! Last!
fuck you you little bastard! Last In Line, like I was Ronnie James Dio n-shit!
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