The Monkees sang of "Pleasant Valley Sunday", but if Sunday is for Pleasant Valley, then Wednesday is the valley of the shadow of death! But fear not...Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate shall comfort you!
Welcome to the last regular week of the season! Next week is the Free For View Extravaganza! After tonights matches, Blackjack is expected to make some announcements regarding the card, entitled, "GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD!!!" Let's get to the ring and dip into some crazy action!
The first match up this week is Mick Truck Drivor VS. Buck Trundle. Buck has been the man this season, whipping people like govt. mules, but Old Truck has really picked up some speed towards the end here, this season. Tonight, the Truck just keeps on rollin' leaving Trundle in his wake, like roadkill! Jam them gears, Son! *HONK-HOOOOONK*
Winner: Mick "Truck" Drivor
Next up is serengeti Betty VS Bronson Thunderhammer. The loser in this match must wrestle in a dress during their match at Gauntlet For The Gold, next week! Bronson thumbed through the rack, but in the end, said "oh no honey...none of these will work...uh-uh!", and beat Serengeti Betty for the 1-2-3, sparring himself the humiliation of showing off those gams. That's o.k....that Betty is a looker, and is always impecibly dressed. We can't wait to see which designer she goes with next week!
Winner: Bronson Thunderhammer
Our third contest is a tag match between The Rock-n-Roll Foundation, and JoMax & JayBob of intesive industries. Greed is good...Money is power...and Intensive Industries marketed one hell of an ass beating to the Foundation. It was an infomercial on "How to put the smackdown on roody-poo candy asses"...all for just $19.95! Act now and they'll include a souvenier crying towel to dry those eyes boys!
Winners: JoMax & JayBob-Intensive Industries
Up next is a match for the Intercontinational Title. Challenger La Puta Negra goes for the belt against Champion, Koschei The Deathless. She may not be classy, but she's sassy...and not one to play with. Koschei found that out the hard way, and went from "Deathless" to "Beltless"! New champ! La Puta Negra!
Winner: La Puta Negra
The Syndicate Tag Titles are up for grabs in the following bout! It's champs, Carl Stonewall & The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless taking on Cap'n Bitcheyes & Weirdbeard! They talk a mean game, and leave a nasty stain, but Bitches Beard were no match for the raw power of Stonewall and Lawless! It looked kinda like running shit through a meat grinder! Who's next for these two?
Winner: Carl Stonewall & Buck Lawless
Our main event tonight is a match between #1 contender, Somebody's Dad VS. Kurt Murphy...young lion...world champion. It's for the richest prize in the sport, The World Heavyweight Title. Somebody's Dad has age & experience on his side, but Kurt doesn't make it a habit of playing nice. I know that the song says "I fight authority, but authority always wins", but that's just John Cougar Mellencamp's opinion. I guess John never envisioned Rage Against The Machine. "Fuck You, I Won't Do What You Tell Me". The kid shows the old man what's what, and is now rolling into GFTG the world champ! Way to go Kurt Murphy! You did it, kid!
Winner: Kurt Murphy
Blackjack is making his way to the ring now!
"Ladies, Gentlemen...Fans...Foes...it's been one hell of a ride this year! I think this league proved to be total anarchy indeed! But it aint over yet! Now, with tonights results in, we can see by the points that we have some tough son's...and daughters of bitches around here. I planned to determine the winner of the season, and wrestler of the year by the amount of points they earned. By logic, I thought, hey...the wrestler who wins the most matches, and garners the most points is the man! They are the best! But...that's not true. Maybe in boxing...but this is RASSLIN', son! You see, what really makes a wrestler to me is heart...soul...desire! A true peoples champ! And we got that in spades around here! So...we are going to do things a little different! YOU...the people, the fans, the wrestlers, the students of the game...you are what make this thing go 'round! I'm leaving it up to you! Do you have an email account? Yes? Good! well send your pick for WRESTLER OF THE YEAR to me here at the offices!:
frontieranarchygrappling@yahoo.com
It's up to YOU! This year's WRESTLER OF THE YEAR will be the TRUE people's champ!"
Now, I'm not knocking all you big point artists! You earned all the accolades that you deserve this season! But the problem is...their are TOO MANY good wrestlers here in The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! We have a three way tie!
Buck Trundle: 50 points
LaPuta Negra: 50 points
Carl Stonewall: 50 points
That is amazing! Also, we would like to give an honorable mention to our World Champion, Kurt Murphy. The kid had 45 points himself! Not too shabby! Now, if you notice, the best wrestlers also ended up with all the gold! Carl is a tag champ and La Puta is the Intercontinational champ! So what do we do about this?
I'll tell you...we have a GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD! Each wrestler of the three will get a shot at the title! La Puta, Buck, and Carl! Now, some may say, "Hey...that's not really fair to Kurt Murphy!". But have no fear...because the ICN Champ and the Syndicate Tag Champs will also be defending their titles next week! La Puta...you will defend your title and get a shot at the World Title...so will you Carl! Buck...you will go first. But, you aren't getting off easy, because the kid, Kurt Murphy will be fresh as a daisy! This is going to be awesome!
The rest of you...challenge for whatever you want! I'm not booking any matches next week! That's your job! Anyone who has wrestled this season is fair game! Go for the ICN belt...the tag belts...challenge your biggest rival...any kind of match or stipulation you want! First come-First serve! Cage matches, Bullrope matches, sach of doorknob matches...whatever! This is the last chance to whip ass this season! Go out with a bang!
And don't forget to vote for WRESTLER OF THE YEAR! All votes accepted! If you have an email address, put your choice in a letter and send it to:
frontieranarchygrappling@yahoo.com
Voting will close Sunday evening at 11:59pm. The winner will be announced at the pay per view! Will your favorite wrestler be named WRESTLER Of THE YEAR? Rock the vote!
We will see you all next Wednesday! Thank you all for a great season!
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30 comments:
That's what I'm talkin' bout bitches!
And bitch you just keep on talking, don't you?
Bronson I cannot say that I am entirely disappointed by my loss. I do look FABULOUS in this Delta Burke dress. I really do!
At least I get to wrestle my way out in style! And against Knuck Finn no less! Assuming that toothless moron accepts my challenge??
Well then, La Stupid Bitcha, It looks like you and me are tied at one and one. So what say we go round one more time? Rubber match to see who is the best, for that intercontinational title. You know I am always ready to roll Baby! It's up to you. East Bound And Down, Loaded Up And Truckin...
Whateva Prick Tuck Giner. But if we gotta be fightin' a rubber match, I don' wanna be all surrounded by yo tiny lil' rubbers, wit all that horse hair glitter an shit stuck on 'em like you do. You eva hear a finger cots? Pro'ly not. That shit nasty an gotta be bad for yo health. So I gon bring tha rubbers, aight? Gon get you some man sized rubbers fo this match, BITCH!
Oh snap! Well, the season's about to come to a close and the Cap'n ain't the man on top... but I AM the only muthafucker who has won ALL THREE BELTS this league has to offer!
First ever Intercontinational Champeeeeeen! Longest reignin' World's Champeeeeeen (this season, except for Carl n' shit) And the better lookin' half of the Syndicate Tag Team Champeeeeeens! Oh shit - the Capn's done it all n' shit!
One last thing I intend to do: I'm gonna end this season not with a bang or a whimper but with a BLAAAOOOWWW! How ya like me now?
WEIRDBEARD - I got a propomuthafuckin'sition for ya! You n' me. Toe to toe. Mano e muthafuckin' Mano.
If I win - you take a fuckin' bath and scrub behind your ears n' shit and no more puttin' poop on people ever again!
BUT if you win - The Cap'n will lay down in the middle of the ring and let you take a shit in my mouth while Sally Fingerle gives you a blowjob! How 'bout it, Weird - - -
Cap'n that shit nasty.
I hope you win cuz what you just said, thas fucked up brother, an' even me, tha GLORIOUS an' NOTORIOUS LA PUTA, don' wish that upon yo ass. Nasty.
Oh yeah, Dick Crust Miner. You know what? You boring. You boring me. Like a clown. A clown that nobody like. Cuz he boring. I said it. Boring mark-ass bitch.
Don't muthafuckin' interrupt me, Puta! The Capn's talking.
Now, Weirdbeard... as I was sayin' -
No! No fucking way am I doing that!
Sally... let me just say. Let me just say...
No. Fuck you! There is no way I am doing that. Goddamn, I can't believe I left Kurt Murphy for you and then he won the World Title... and now here I am and the only way I can get on the card is if I suck that nasty biker's dick while he shits in your mouth? This... this isn't even fucking WRESTLING anymore! I'm out of here!
Heh heh, Cap'n got a little dick.
Oh, one las thing before I let you ladies retire for the evenin' an shit. Betty, you look fuckin' dope in that dress. Next week I say we go find some real fuckin' men, cuz I don' know about you girl, but there more meat at a vegan potluck than up in this fuckin' mess. Motherfuckers be settin' up situations with blowjobs and shittin' in mouths? An after eight weeks around these castrated fools a girl's got an appetite! You know, 'cept for Glory, cuz we know what he packin'. Hell no...
Nighty night shit-wranglers.
Well shit... that was sort of the icin' on the muthafuckin' cake.
Okay then, 'Beard, here's my match proposition:
We wrestle, but it ain't a match decided by pinfalls or countouts. No, there's only one way to defeat your opponent.
Outside the ring will be FOUR old fashioned bathtubs with the legs n' shit. Two will be filled with warm soapy water, the other two filled with human feces.
In order for me to win, I have to toss your nasty ass into a bathtub. Vice-muthafuckin-versa for you. Loser bathes. Period. End of the season showstopper n' shit.
see cuz whores do what whores do and cuz you are a whore your totally gonna suck the dick of a homo cuz he is and stuff cuz like you has got no diginity and you left me at the alter like we was in julia roberst movie and you hurt me so now you are being hurt and thta is how whores end up and here i am wrestling seconds to the best in the league like how chris jericho had a long time run of losing all the time but staying all on focus and then later he like won stuff and got really good cuz he was true to himself but sally you are not true to no one so are blowing dude dick at some intro match!
Fuck you, Kurt. I'm not doing it. The Cap'n can suck his own dick. I quit this lousy fed. I'm giving Jenny a call and we're gonna go to the mall.
Fuck all of you!
So let's get this straight thus far...
1) Buck Trundle vs. Kurt Murphy - for the World's Title
2) La Puta vs. Mick Drivor - rematch for the ICN Title
3) Serengeti Betty vs. Knuck Finn
4) WORLD CHAMP vs. La Puta Negra
5) Carl & Buck vs ??? - Tag Title Match
6) Bitcheyes vs Weird - soap bath vs. poop bath match
7) WORLD CHAMP vs. Carl
and what else?
Shit yeah, Peaves!
This is it - I gotta say, it's been a good season. Buck Lawless, you're an asshole, but you're a hell of a good partner. We beat every goddamn team in this fed. Who's left for us to beat next week?
And after we beat 'em, I'm gonna win the goddamn World's Title again and then I'm gonna retire! So long ring, hello easy chair! Ol' Carl's got some sleep to catch up on!
Puta girl you speak the truth! I've seen more dick on Jamie Lee Curtis! And I know how much I am working the metallic blue satin halter and I know how much you are working the pile drivers! There are two 1/2 gallon strawberry margharitas calling our names at Senor Chaperos whenever we're ready for some real action!
cuz you quit the fed like you quit us huh? stuff gets hard and you run away again? its cuz you are full of falsehoodness and quitting sally. you hurt me but i staid strong and was a surviver and found jesus and all you found was a sore on your mouth and a sicko boyfiend
O.K...so far we have:
1) Buck Trundle vs. Kurt Murphy - for the World's Title
2) La Puta vs. Mick Drivor - rematch for the ICN Title
3) Serengeti Betty vs. Knuck Finn
4) WORLD CHAMP vs. La Puta Negra
5) Carl & Buck vs ??? - Tag Title Match
6) Bitcheyes vs Weird - soap bath vs. poop bath match
7) WORLD CHAMP vs. Carl
And don't forget to email your votes for WRESTLER OF THE YEAR to: frontieranarchygrappling@yahoo.com
Hey, thanks for finally getting around to that, Lackjack. Wow, you learned to copy and paste. Nice.
I've set up some polls on my blog. Check them out and cast some MORE votes in some other categories.
This shit is weak around here.
By the way, you should feel very foolish right now, Betty. It was cute how you actually tried but there was just never any doubt.
What else can a gal do but try?
Well done Kurt, can't say I'm happy about losing, but you beat me fair and square so I ain't gonna piss on your victory. Now get out there and finish what you've started, defend that belt and whoop their asses! For what it's worth, I'll be rooting for you kid.
I ACCEPT Cap'n's Challenge!!! PLEASE!!!
A Blumpkin... ON PAY PER VIEW!! That's like a dream of mine!!
I wish I would have read the rest of the posts before I left my last message.
My only stip is I'd like Tacks in the poopy tubwater too. And for the poop to be a collection of everybody's poop in the back, every rassler will eat a huge portion of our sponsors Coney dogs and eat their fill of applesauce for dessert, then poop in these tubs.
oh wow thanks dude! it makes a guy feel pretty good and all knowing a real good wrestler like you is in supportment of me and being a positive impacter!
your a solid dude someones dad and are showing everyone how its about wrestling the good match and being true to the sport and everything like that so right on!
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