Welcome to the end of the year 2008, and another jam packed card of 'rasslin, with The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! Let's pop the cork on this champagne of action, and get to the ring!
Our first matchup this week features Rocky Sukiyaki VS California Barry Turpin.
These two wasted no time gettin' down to business! Rocky was on fire, like an order of General Tso's Chicken right from the start! Slicing and dicing a weathered Barry Turpin like a samauri, Rocky's offensive onslaught was relentless. But California Barry kept his cool like an avacado salad, absorbing all of the punishment dished out and mounted a rally at the end! Once he locked on his patented sleeper hold, which he calls "California Dreamin'", that was it for Rocky...and the rising sun set in the west. After the match, a battered Barry Turpin pulled himself up using the ropes, and through the crimson mask that covered his face, he shouted into the crowd, "RICKY! RIIICCCKKYY! We did it! RICKY!"
WINNER: California Barry Turpin
The cameras cut to the back of the arena, as we see Captain Bitcheyes stepping out of his limo, greeting the waiting fans of Frontier. "Was'up -n-shit, muthafucka's! Tonight, the Capn's gettin' bold...taking Carl's wife and his gold!" Just then, Lil' Janey Deathless comes running through the crowd. She's yelling "Horsies! Horsies! Horsies!", while riding a hobby horse. "Ahhh, my favorite little scamp!", says the Cap'n, as he reaches down to tussle the hair of Janey. Just then Janey pulls the head off her hobby horse, to reveal that it's actually an baseball bat! "Horsies!", she screams, as she bashes Captain Bitcheyes in the ankles with the bat! The Captain goes down in a big fat red haired heap! "Ohhhh, my leg -n-shit! AHHHHH!", the Cap'n yelps! Janey then gives him a pamphlet on child molestation, and says, "This is from my Daddy and Serengeti Betty, you old perv!", and rides away on her "Horse". Will the Cap'n be able to compete for the title tonight, with a jacked up leg? We shall see...we shall see...
Back in the ring, the bell sounds, as we are about to see Kurt Murphy VS The Bountyhunter Buck Lawless. This was no game of slap and tickle, as these guys went at each other hard. There was no shortage of weapons either, as they bashed each others brains in (at least, whats left of Kurt's brain) with chairs, broken tables, motorcyle chains and a plethora of other tools...but it was the tools of the trade that did it for Lawless, as he reached down by ringside and pulled out his taser from his flak jacket! "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZT...ZZZZT...ZZZZT" went the crackle of 50,000 volts into the body of Kurt Murphy! The Bounty Hunter covered his twitching carcass for the 3 count!
WINNER: The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless
Our next bout is for the Frontier Tag Team Championships! Champions, Somebody's Dad & Mick "Truck" Drivor say they plan to carry the load, and leave challengers Koschei The Deathless and Serengeti Betty riding bob-tail back to the dressing room. It is shaping up to be quite the see-saw battle, as these two teams both work as well oiled machines, hot-tagging, and dealing out a lot of pain & misery! What!?! Why is Captain Bitcheyes hobbling down to ringside?!? He has a beautiful hand crafted toy horse! He goes over to where Janey is sitting..."here ya' go, ya' little scamp -n-shit! No hard feelings...between you & I...or in my pants -n-shit! hehheh, the Cap'n ain't no pederass, girl! He just loves the pitter-patter of little feet! I can't help that your dad is a mutha' fuckin' loser -n-shit...or that Serengeti Betty's got diareha cheese spewin' out of her mouth everytime she opens it! I'm just glad to see all the little childrens at the rasslin' matches -n-shit. So, this is like when "Mean" Joe Greene gave that kid his jersey in that Coca Cola commercial back in the day -n-shit. Now pay attention, janey-girl, cuz' your papppa and his slag-team partner are about to take a shit in the ring...again -n-shit! heh-heh!"
As the Cap'n was rapping at Janey Deathless, Betty & Koschei turned their backs to deal with him, and ....BAM! Creamed from behind by Somebody's Dad & "Truck"! You do not take your eyes off the prize, when dealing with these two, because they'll turn out your lights!...and they did. The Cap'n just laughed as he limped backstage!
Winners: Mick "Truck" Drivor & Somebody's Dad
Next, we see Buck Trundle, the Intercontinational Champion, making his way into the arena. He is draped in the American flag, as the crowd chants "USA...USA...USA...!" He is handing out roses to the crowd, while saying, "Ma' vic-tory fer this hare belt smells awl tha' sweeter becuz a' you fans cherrin' meh on ev-ry week!" Somebody's Grandma gives him a peck on the cheek, as Buck hands her a rose, and she says "Give 'em Hell, Buck!", as he climbs through the ropes and starts his warmups. His challenger this week makes her way to the ring this week, surrounded by a gang of young skally-wags, theives & pickpockets...It's La Puta Negra! The young ruffians even snap some of the roses from the stems of Buck Trundle's fans, who are seated close to the aisle! Those little bastards! She is talking shit as soon as she hits the ropes, saying something about cutting Buck "jus a' lil'", as Buck extends his hand for his pre-match handshake. La Puta Negra reaches down the front of her tight and gives her nether-regions a nice wide wipe, before slightly smelling it, smiling, and extending the foul hand for Buck to shake...he passes, and it's on! Now, Buck isn't cheating, but he's definately fighting! I think he took a little offense to La Puta Negra, and her treatment of his fans! He is dropping fists on her like bricks! No Quarter asked and none given...but wait!...La Puta Negra appears to be weeping! She is begging for Buck to stop! Old Buck the gentleman that he is pauses his punching for a second and turns to the time keeper, like, "What do I do?" Just then, La Puta Negra flashes that shit eatin' grin and while on her knees, give Buck a big double forearm low blow! One of La Puta's little hooligans snatches the title belt from the timekeepers table and ascends to the top rope, as Negra holds a dazed Trundle from behind! The little bastard launches into the air, aiming that belt right for Buck's head...but he ducks at the last second! The belt smashes the nose of La Puta Negra, and Trundle rolls her up for the 1-2-3! As Buck celebrates, Somebody's Dad runs to the ring, removing his belt, and begins to tan the hides of all of La Puta Negra's renegade youth! You can hear 'em howling all the way to the back, as Somebody's Dad regulates on some asses with a size 38 brown leather special! After Buck shakes the hand of Somebody's Dad, and raises his title high in the air!
WINNER: Buck Trundle
Our next match scheduled is a contest between Knuck Finn and The Whirling Dervish. Knuck Finn issued a challenge to Dervish earlier this week, and stated that when he beat him, he would also unmask him, and show his ugly mug to the whole world! That sure would be a pie in the eye! Knuck and the fans patiently await the arrival of The Whirling Dervish....and wait...and wait! Suddenly, Blackjack Billy makes his way to the ring, and grabs a microphone. "Know, I know we was supposed to have ourselves a fight here tonight, but I have learned that The Whirling Dervish, along with other talent, such as Blackpube The Pirate, have decided that they aint got the guts to get it done in The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate! Well...fuck 'em! I aint got the time to deal with those two fuck-witted, half assed, numb nuts anyhow! They sent their resignations via fax this morning, and said that they was gonna go to work for a new promotion started by the Millionaire Matt Welz! It's called L.O.S.E.R. - Lame Organization of Shitty Effeminate 'Rasslers! Adios bitches...don't let the door hit you on the mudflaps on the way out! Now Knuck here is ready to go, so I had to find an opponent for him...Ladies & Gent...The Alabama Sweetpickle! And since you don't get the pleasure of seeing that pussy, The Whirling Dervish unmasked, I had to up the ante! I'm putting his number one contender spot at the Free For View, in two weeks, up for grabs! Now then...Let's get it on! YEHAAAAAAWWW!". Knuck Finn, visibly angry went right to work on the Alabama Sweetpickle! He slapped him all around the ring, putting the boots to his ass, and his face to the grass! The 'Pickle did put up a little fight, but Knuck was a man possessed! Tonight, a victory sandwich goes to Knuck Finn...with a pickle on the side!
WINNER: Knuck Finn
And now, the main event of the evening Carl Stonewall VS Cap'n Bitcheyes . Bitcheyes makes his way to the ring in his usual lavish way! A parade of miniature circus train cars is pulled to the ring by a team of elephants, led to the ring by 3 lovely ladies, dressed as the hottest clowns I have ever seen! The cars are filled with exotic circus animals, such as a zebra, flamingos and rare birds, a llama, and even a flatbed, with a sword swallower, strongman, and various other carnie-types! And on top of the middle elephant...riding high in a top hat, tux and cane, is The Cap'n! What a flamboyant son of a bitch! The Cap'n seems to be favoring that swollen ankle he recieved courtesy of Lil' Janey Deathless though, as he hops down. That's a bad sign for Cap! The lovely Mrs. Laura Stonewall is seated ringside. She wants to watch her husband, the Champ, take Bitcheyes to woodshed city, for a sound thrashing! As the bell sounds, Carl is all up in the Capn's area! There is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide for Bitcheyes! Carl continues to drop the bombs, and Bitcheyes slides out under the bottom rope to catch a breather...only to be met by a slap in the face from Laura Stonewall! He hightails it back into the ring, and is caught by the champ, who was waiting! He sends Bitcheyes into the ropes! Bitcheyes comes back and ducks...and on the second pass, Carl leapfrogs Cap'n!... On the return trip, Carl catches Bitcheyes with a belly to belly Carl-plex! Oh my god! That knocked the wind right out of the Cap'n, as Carl covers!...1...2...3!!! Still Champion! CARL STONEWALL! Carl goes to ringside a plants a big wet one on his wife in celebration! But he didn't see bitcheyes stirring in the background! As Carl celebrates his victory, The Cap'n sneaks up and cold-cocks Stonewall with that gold encrusted, diamond tipped cane, sending him to the floor! Bitcheyes grabs Laura Stonewall by the back of her hair, and as she protests and pushes him away, he gives her a big slimy kiss! Carl is gonna be pissed when he wakes up!
But what the Captain didn't notice, is that La Puta Negra has slipped out from underneath one of the circus train cars! She laughs, pulls back the canvas, and opens the cage...and out come the Ninja Monkeys! " Oh shit, mutha'fucka'! ", squeeled the Cap'n as the ninja monkeys chased him to the back! La Puta Negra walks over, and helps Laura Stonewall up off the floor, and then she plants a big nasty kiss on her mouth as well, before tossing her back to the floor! As Carl begins to come to, she grabs a pint bottle out of her back pocket, takes a swig, and smashes it over the Champ's head, leaving him bloody, as she returns to the locker room, laughing!
Wow, what a show! Stay tuned to the forums this week for more action, and we will see you next Wednesday...in the ring!
50 comments:
I can see now that I will have to change my approach to counter the extent of the decadence in this league. When faced by a surprising opponent, one must learn from his loss and come back far superior for the next battle. I have underestimated the way western matches can cause difficulties but I will adapt and become stronger for it. This does not bode well for you animals. I will be back and accomplish all I have said I would. I have already held one title and it shall not be my last.
Face facts, Suckacocky, you got beat cuz you were too busy looking at the package of the ultimate California faggot (who by the way, is NOT related to me). The distraction was too much for you to bear and you lost. I guess your the real winner though because you traveled from teh Orient to suck all the dicks of the best American superstar wrestlers and now you can. Do you have to take your mask off when you suck all that cock, or do they prefer you leave it on?
Oh well. He may be a fag, but at least he's AMERICAN.
TURPS RULES!
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
I was at the show, and it was great! But one thing that they didn't show on camera that I was a little disappointed about, was the great display of sportsmanship shown by Buck Trundle! After the Kurt Murphy/Buck Lawless match, when Kurt was all laying there in his own piss, Buck Trundle actually came down to the ring, and helped him get back to the dressing room! Now, that is true class! I know that the company didn't show it because they want you to think that everyone hates everyone...but I thought that was just great! Buck...I kinda dig those bad boys, but I like a real sensitive man even more! You sure do put a tingle in my taco!
Bitcheyes, I think it's time to get down to brass tacks here. You've grated my nerves and I'm sick of it. There's times when being Somebody's Dad is a thankless job, but somebody has to be the grownup around here and I do it well. Those punks at the last match found out and now I figure it's your turn. Why don't you put that fat pedo self of yours in the ring and I'll take the strap to you in a way you won't like at all.
Okay, lemme just say... lemme just say... Number One, I'm tired of all the muthafuckin' BIAS around here in regards to the Cap'n. Ev'body talks all kinds of shit about me and I'm sick of it. Hey, I can't help it if you don't look as good as me or talk as smooth as me or wrestle like me. I am who I muthafuckin' AM n' shit. Just free to be me.
Secondly, in keeping in line with what I was talkin' about, that referee had it in for me too! That was a fast count! Ev'body in the arena saw it, the kids watching at home saw it, it was a fast count. Like, 123 rather than the 1-2-3 they teach you at ref school. I'd like to see some muthafuckin' SANCTIONS up in this bitch against that referee. What's his name? Mike Kiota? Fuck him.
Thirdly, I was muthafuckin' INJURED n' shit. So like, right there - I should get a rematch. A fair and balanced rematch, no inter-muthafuckin-ference. Bullshit right there, that's what that was.
Fourth an finally... you want some of this, Somebody's Dad? Well lemme just say... 4a) The word is PEDERAST. 4b) If the Board ain't gonna give the Cap'n the rematch for the Worlds Championship that he so richly muthafuckin' deserves, then sure, I'll take you on.
OH SHIT! Hey Daddy-O, why don't you and your boyfriend pony up and put those TAG BELTS on the line? I'll find myself a muthafuckin' partner n' shit, if you ain't too much of a goddamn pussy.
Well thank ya, Missy, though Ah didn't do it fer 'ny kind a rec'gnition. Ah just did it cause it's the right thing ta do. Ya see a man lyin there all hurt n' pissy, ya do what ya can ta help 'm out.
Puta, ya done yer best, but yer best t'werent good 'nuff to beat the Buck. Yer cheatin' ways t'werent nuff to get it done, so why don'tya try usin yer skills to pay yer bills? Cheaters never prosper. Just ask that nasty Captain.
Now who's next?
when i gonna wrestle a match when i just wrestle and not get drugged or zapped or whatevs. i mean if i lose cuz i aint wresting like my Potential and stuff then i lose cuz i wrestled bad. but i keep losing cuz of other stuff. i am trying to stay on a posative focus and work on my trade but really dudes? i mean dont hear me wrong - a man gotta learn to use a tire iron the way God intended it but dang dudes it makes a guy frustrated. but its cool. im gonna listen to my manager and to buck and be the best i can be cuz thats what a guy needs to do in this biz yo! so on that tone how about we throw down knock fin? what you say dude? you up for it or what?
oh and we are roasting a hog in yard tonight and my uncle freddy is bringing a keg of miller light he got left over from the vfw christmas party so if you guys wanna come over and stuff that would be rad! we still got the old mattresses in the barn to so we ca do some roof jumps and stuff if you want! party on mofos yeah!
Mr Trundle I'll take a swing at you deary! Lets get that International Championship belt around the waist of an international lady like myself!
Now Janey, you watch how Mommy goads this man. "Goad" is a fancy word for "teases him for being such a velour-wrapped pussy and not a strong strapping man like your daddy".
Next Wednesday is filling up quickly! Holy Smokes!
So far, we have:
Somebody's Dad VS. Cap'n Bitcheyes
Serengeti Betty VS Buck Trundle
Kurt Murphy VS Knuck Finn
...on a side note,
Captain Bitcheyes, there is no such thing as cheating here in The Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate. Now, I have reviewed the tapes from the match, and I believe that the referee was totally on point with his counts. As for getting your leg smashed...suck it up! You see, you were so concentrated on your smashed leg, that you wound up with a kicked ass! We allow a lot of room for our Gladiators to operate here, so put up or shut up...because right now, your bullfrog mouth is outweighing your tadpole ass...
Little Ricky, that was for you buddy! Your old Uncle Barry is back! Kid, I really miss you, and the times we spent together. You were like the son I never had. Fuck your dirty hate-breeding mother. I will never forgive her for turning your heart so black and cold! I wish I could get her in the ring! By the way...you promised that we'd meet up after the matches for an ice cream. What happened? Anyways, You just wait & see. California barry Turpin is gonna rock this league like an 8.5 quake, and burn through the competition like a wildfire, and when I'm the champ, well, maybe you will realize that I love you, kid, and I did it to show you that you can be WHATEVER you want to be in this world...WHATEVER you want!
Love, your Uncle Barry Turpin
And if anybody wants a piece of this beef, well don't be a jerky, just snap into it, Slim! Bring it on!
Knuckleberry Finnigan!
You will rue the day that you messed with the pretty face of The Alabama Sweetpickle! This pickle seems sweet, but trust me, I'll sour you on the whole wrestling experience! I'm as fine as strawberry wine, and rough and tough as the crime dog McGruff! I'll snuff you out, like Smokey The Bear, while all the ladies stop and stare!
What can I say? some folks just like the cucumbers pickled!
So I've been an onlooker since this fed started and it's quite some fun.
-Bitcheyes could really excell as a villian if he quit sucking so much.
- King Kong Glory is SWEET!!!
- What happened to the Dervish? He was tied for 1st place? They called him the silent assassian in Japan.
- What Wrestling fed can take itself seriously if there's a woman taking on the men?
Outside of some stupid things, this fed is pretty alright. Does this fed tour, cuz I'd certainly pay to see it. WWE SUPER SUCKS!!
Hold up, hold up... now just hold on a second. Somebody's Dad, along with Mick "Truck" Drivor, is one half of the Syndicate Championship team, no?
He can challenge me all he wants and that's coo... but I say put the fuck up or shut the fuck up. Cap'n ain't here for your muthafuckin' amusement n' shit! I got an idea... heh heh... keep your muthafuckin' friends close and your enemies closer! Only one other muthafucker as bad as the Cap'n, and that's La Puta Negra!
What do you say, baby? I now I'm white and you're black, but like ev'body else, you're PINK ON THE INSIDE! heh heh! Roll us up together and we'll be like Neopolitan muthafuckin' ICE CREAM! So damn cool we're FROZEN n' shit!!!
You're bad, but you ain't bad enough to win tag belts by your lonesome. And you know damn well the Capn's got the goods to help you out. Hell, we both got trained monkeys n' shit!
Well? La Puta? S-Daddy? Truck? If everyone agrees, then I'll make it a tag match for the belts...but if Somebody's Dad wants to just beat on Bitcheyes like a red-headed stepchild...then I gotta let Papa preach on his own.
Also...who will take on Carl for the World Title this week? If anyone feels worthy, then throw your hat into the ring for consideration, while we deliberate...No contracts have been signed yet, so you never know!
Raul Donegal, who do you think you are, the Lone Ranger? Show your face!
As for women taking on men: hey, welcome to the 20th Century. (yes, I know it's the 21st century, I was making a point)... in case you didn't know, there's this thing called equality and it means that sistas are doin' it for themselves!
That said, I don't think La Puta Negra deserves a shot at the World Title since she can't even beat the Intercontinational Champion. Sorry La Puta, but we have to win our war by playing within the Patriarchy's system, as biased as it may be. I bet if you keep on plugging, you'll get another shot. Teaming up with that mysoginistic asshole Captain Bitcheyes won't help matters any, though.
As for your comments about the WWE: you're about as dumb as Ricky Turpy. WWE RULEZ! Especially the Divas - those ladies aren't just pieces of meat with their big silicone boobjobs on display while they assume a variety of sexual poses and never actually have any storylines that advance their characters and... oh wait...
Well either way, you're dumb! Good luck to Serengetti Betty against Buck Trundle next week!
Alrighty S.D. looks like we will get 2 Bitches in the ring next week. To get rolled over by American stell and grease. Lets make this no DQ like rollin down the highway at 3 am no laws no authority jst you and the road. Anything goes. Overloaded and my log books way behind, I'm takin little white pills and my eyes are open wide, My hometowns comin in sight, If you think I'm happy your right, Six days on the road and Bitches gettin rolled over that night...
Huh? Whateve. I ain' even gon read this bullshit. Carlita, enjoy that belt one las' week cuz next week is gon be holdin' up my maxi pads. HEAVY FLOW MOTHAFUCKA!!! This be your retirement party bitch!
Thas right, Carlita, I'm callin' you out fo yo lil' belt, bitch.
read the fuckin posts estupido PUTA! or get someone to read them to ya since your knowledge of the english language is questionable
If'n this league too pussy ta give me what I left ova from Stoneballs, then I be takin' yo offer Bitchass. But the way I sees it, I beat the SHIT outta Carlita last week, an I gon be doin' it again but dis time fo some gold! I still scrapin' them lil teeny ball chunks outta my finganails from las week. Les see what this bitch n pony fed says and then I gon make ma decision, until then, you boys keep rubbin' them cocks til I get back wit you.
Oh was somebody talkin' ta me? Truck Driver? Oh, no. NOBODY was talkin' to me. Eat it Truck, this the las lil bit a attention you be getting from me. Bitch.
People, in general, fear what they don't understand. In this instance, it's enough to get me kicked out of this po-dunk fed. A silent assassin doesn't speak with his mouth, he speaks with his ability TO KILL.
I was going to teach this fed a thing or 3 about a thing or 2 equaling 1-2-3!! But the only thing people fear more than what they don't understand is simply FEAR. So F.A.G.S., run in fear and take your title shots with you cuz as long as I'm not in this fed, everybody will have a chance to win those belts.
Seriously, RUN in fear!!
Puta, Ah 'spect yer go get 'em attitude and you know darn well Ah 'spect yer 'bility in the ring. But if'n you think yer deservin of a World's Title shot, well then you're just as crazy as that Bitcheys fella. Ah just beat ya! How do ya lose a match and then go demandin' a match for the World's Title? Heck, if an'body deserves a shot, it's ME, Buck Trundle - undefeated Intercontinational Champion.
If at first you don't succeed... team up with the other lameass piece of shit loser who got beat.
La Pupa Negro and Colonel Bitchmouth both lost to the champs, so they team up to get the loser tag belts. Wow, you guys are the fucking Rockers of the new millenium. I guess the two of you are perfect together since you both speak like you have a mouthful of balls all the time. And in the case of Bitcheyes, he probably does! That Elton John wanna be is almost as queer as King Kong Gory.
Good luck, assholes.
Nobody wants to challenge ol' Carl for his World's Title? That's cause no one is worthy and everyone is afraid! I'll slap the teeth out of your mouth just like I slapped Bitcheyes!
YEAH! Carl's still got it!
Hey BoD - why not just give ol' Carl the week off? It's not like any of these chumps can even make me break a sweat anyway. It's not even worth my time to suit up.
Arrgh! Carl, That's cuz they don't let REAL men in the ring with you. A REAL man would destroy you. A real man like BLACKPUBE the Pirate!!
They want a prettyboy book champ that wouldn't know a real rassler if he shoved your stupid belt down your stupid throat.
I don't expect a shot, hell, I'm not even in this fed. But know this, CaCarl, is it worth it holding that belt knowing you'll never meet up with the best?
Banish me, BrownJerk. And never know what Real Good Rasslin is all about. Just like that Dervish Assassin bloke, rid the fed of your TREASURES and never know the riches it could yield!
Who tha hell is this asshole? FUCK HIM! I was a merchant marine for goddamn 27 years and I fought pirates with my bare FUCKING hands and I never saw no fucking BLACKPUBE 'cept the ones taking root at the base of the shaft of the most enormous cock on the seven seas - MINE! Hardboiled Harrison Hardcastle, the REAL Triple H.
Does this asshole want a fucking fight? 'Cause I'll fucking fight him! I'll fucking fight him right GODDAMN NOW!!! FAAAAAHHHHHKKKKK!!!!! I don't have a fucking contract either! Let's fight in the parking lot! FUCK YOU ALL!!!
So much hostility! It really gets a girls blood pumping!
Now, I ain't a god fearin' man....hell, I fear nothin'...but there's a story in the bible about the prodigal son, who left home and wasted his time or some shit like that, and when he returned his father threw him a big party and shit...but his other children got all pissed off, and where like..."Old man...this is bullshit! We been bustin' our ass, and this fuckface comes home after jerkin' off, and you throw him a fuckin' party!?!?"...well the old man was like..."Shut the fuck up, you little bastards, before I give ya' somethin' to cry about! YOU ARE ALL MY KIDS! And I'm just glad he decided to stop fucking up, and fly right!"...so, it is with that, that I say hell...If the Dervs and Blackpube got the sack, and want to throw down...then they are welcome to ply their trade here in Frontier! Hell...I'll even throw em a "party"!
Whirling Dervish...I like that you are a silent assasin, but I don't like anyone creepin' up on me...so I'm putting you front and center! Next week, you are getting your shot at the man...CARL STONEWALL! For the title! Good luck, and I hope you can put your money where your mouth is!
Blackpube...Sante' Claus ain't forgot you none neither. You wanna call yourself a headcracker? A real Ballbuster? Well I got someone who's been bustin' my balls for a fight all season...his name is Hardboiled Harrison Hardcastle! The real "Triple H"! Now, Blackpube...it's time to find out if you are the "Real Deal"!
But, if'n y'all don't show up for personal appearances, or to cut promos, or the charity work we do at the children's hospital...then I'll personally chew your asses up like tobacco, and spit ya' right back out on the street! I'm a hard man, but a fair one...just don't fuck me! Ya' got it?
Happy Fuckin' New Year!
YEEEEEHAAAAAAAAWWW!
Carlita, you just shut you fuckin' mouth til you beat La Puta, you lil' dildo smellin' bitch.
Aight Bitchassed, whateva. Yeah, you sure know how ta treat a lady, askin' she out to a fucking date she need to bring viagra an porn to. Fuck this shit, Carlita be all cowerin' and shit, holdin' he balls cuz he know La Puta got tha gun to his tiny lil' cock and he be all "Please La Puta, lea me alone! I just a old man who shit hisself time ta time!". Pussy bitch punks ass match fixing fuck.
Oh... my... fucking... God. How the fuck does the Turd Dish get a shot? This league is FUCKED! Now, I'm not one ta talk shit when I been whooped, but shit, who's cack did Turd Dish suck to get a shot at the champ?!!
I'll take a shot at ya Carl. Looks like everyone else is partying too hard this festive season to take note, but first come first serve as they say!
Nice match Dad and other guy! You sure let us have it!
So Carl, let's dance! Though I don't promise you dinner before the match! ;)
Heh heh... so, lemme get this straight. If I just like, don't pay any attention to anything, don't talk in my smooth talkin' voice that the fans have come to know and love and never even bother issuing a challenge or responding to anything that any muthafucker says to me... I'll get a shot at the World Title n' shit?
Cool. I guess this is the last you'll be hearin' from Cap'n Bitcheyes for a while n' shit. Hey, just two questions for the Dervish: How does Blackjack's dick taste and how long did it take you to wash the nasty taste out your mouth?
Oh, and one for Blackjack: was the Dervish talented enough that it was worth sacrificin' the integrity of the World Championship? Charles Wheezleton must be rollin' over in his grave n' shit.
Nope.
I'm out. Or to be more precise, I FUCKING QUIT! I been on these boards for weeks askin' for a goddamn contract. I practically had to beg on my goddamn knees for a contract - the Alabama Sweet Pickle got a contract. La Puta Negra got a contract. But no contract for HHH... Hey, what the fuck ever. I understand these cockwranglin' homos are fuckin' afraid of me and this rinky-dink fed probably can't afford to pay a guy like me what I deserve so... whatever.
So then these two fucking ass-bandits who NOBODY has ever fucking heard of just appear out of FUCKING NOWHERE and get fired... only to get re-fucking-hired the next goddamn day and given a fucking WORLD'S TITLE SHOT?!?!?! FAAAAAACCCKKKKKK THAT!
So I'm out. I don't want a fuckin' contract in no fuckin' league that hands out title shots to nobodies who don't deserve 'em. Far as I'm concerned, that title ain't worth SHIT now, no matter who wins the match, so why would I want to challenge for it?
Congrats, Black Pubes. You just got five free points. I forfeit, I give, whatever you wanna call it. No fuckin' paycheck is worth the humiliation of having to work for a bullshit league like this one. I'm gonna go see if Wheezleton's handing out contracts. F.A.G.S. might not have rules and they might not have the bureaucracy... but they also don't have the fuckin' integrity or the pride in their championships. FUCK THESE FAGS!!!!
Poor Hardon Hardly Happening, waaahh waahh! First off, bitch, La Puta gots no contract, she be a free spirit who just fucks up dese pussy bitches who be sayin' they warriors but really just be fetish monkeys who wanna touch each other all dirty an' shit in public. Case be in point, Carlita KidneyStoneBalls, who get his ass handed to him but that don't matter to this league, this league only matter on whether you spit o swallow, eh Carlita? CHUG CHUG CHUG...
Shit, if dat belt up for grabs by a lame ass like Dervish then it not be worth sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiit! I think what goin' on is Carlita be suckin' some balls so he can line up alterboys to be inducted in San Carlita Reform School for Wayward an' Confused Lil' Boys, 'stead a fightin' real matches. BITCH!!!
Koschei, you a fuckin' losa, a grade A fuckass with nothin' offerin'. I bet dis league give you a shot 'gainst Carlita cuz he only fights PUSSIES!!!
Heh heh! I's just kiddin'! The Cap'n ain't goin nowhere except to the Hall of muthafuckin' FAME after me n' Brown muthafuckin' Sugar win the Tag Titles on Wednesday n' shit!
BLAOWWWW!!! How ya like me now?
Well Poop, guess I'm just slightly more of a loser than the Dervish, so I don't get a shot. That'll make Janey sad, but that's life.
Who's left to fight? How 'bout the Sweet Pickle? I hope you don't stink like vinegar.
Softboiled HarryAss Sandcastle, nobody offered you a contract because you are completely lame and you smell like sulfer.
People with hemmroids complain because everytime they sit down, they sit on a huge bunch of grapes made out of the inside of their butthole. You ARE that bunch of butthole grapes, HHH!!
Why don't you take a long walk off a short pier, PLEASE!! And quit being a pain in all of our asses.
We actually have to agree with Blackpube...Hardcastle, You whined and whined about not getting a shot to compete, and when we give you one, you start crying like a little bitch about things that you know nothing about. The Whirling Dervish has won every match he has competed in so far, and Blackpube just wants a fight. so...when I decide to put him in one with somebody that I thought was a tough guy, and then you turn around and go put your fucking dress on, and start your fucking period! Do you want to wrestle, or do you want to stay home and soak your fucking pussy? Man up Triple H...and quit being a whiney little cunt!
La Puta Negra,
When you first came on the scene...we liked your sass, your spunk, if you will. But now, it is growing tired. You talk a big game, but talk is cheap. I believe your record is 1-1, and I believe that the Whirling Dervish holds an undefeated record. But that is besides the point. This board has bleed, sweated, and paid the price in this business long enough to do what we want to do, and belive is the right decision. Whatever trash comes out of the mouth of a gutter slag twat like yourself is of no matter to us. As far as being under contract...talk all the tough talk you want to, and pretend to do whatever you want...but the fact of the matter is...without a contract, you wouldn't be here. So shut your fucking piehole, before you cease to exist in the fantasy wrestling world. You are just throwing rocks at a man who is holding a machine gun...
Hey, I'm the World's Heavyweight Champion representing the Video Game Wrestlin' Alliance. I fight whoever they say is the #1 contender... they say it's Dervish, I fight Dervish. I don't have to to like it, but I gotta feed my family, you know? Plus, I just like bustin' heads.
Hardboiled Harrison Hardcastle... you're a little bitch. That's all I have to say. Ol' Carl's got ZERO respect for somebody who cries and then takes his ball and goes home. So you can piss and moan all you want: You're a bitch in my book and you always will be. Good luck wrestling for a defucnt promotion.
#1 contender?! That's like picking out the douche in this league that has the least amount of clinging dingles after taking a shit and then giving them an award for it! Bah! This group of stained panties around here a goddamn disgrace.
Which retard is in first place, right Hube? Who cares? Not a pair of balls outta any of 'em! Fuckin' dink rasslers, all of 'em!
We've been hearing a lot of talk about the integrity of the World Heavyweight Title...
This Championship is the greatest Championship in the history of this sport, and anyone who would nay-say, or bad mouth this belt has no knowledge OR respect for true wrestling greatness.
We have been deemed the stewards of this great title, and will book contenders as we see fit. This title was almost lost, due to the inept & shoddy business practices of FUCR, and The Video Game Wrestling Association turned to us to save it.
If you want a shot at the title...all you have to do is let it be known. Any qualified wrestler who has asked for a shot at the champ has either been given their match, or at least have been kept in consideration, and that will continue to be the case. But you must earn that shot.
Some have earned their shot and failed(Cap'n Bitcheyes)...some have wanted a shot, but where unproven, so they were given a chance to prove themselves(La Puta Negra)...and some have claimed that they were the greatest champ of all, and have fallen from the mountain(K.K. Glory)...
Walking the walk & talking the talk is the right road to travel on the way to the title...bitching & disrespect is the wrong path.
If the WCW Board of Directors wants to give the Whirling Dervish a shot at the verable World's Championship, that's their right. It's their promotion and they do what the want.
As a fan though, I'm dissapointed. I guess I didn't think that Blackjack could be bought out so quickly. But I guess everybody has a price...
As a fan, you should be disappointed. In this league, all you have to do is ask for a title shot and you'll get it sooner than later and the fuck-ups can't even handle that. The problem ain't the belt, the belt is a wonderful thing and something to want more than anything else as a wrestler. Say what you want about FUCR but the wrestlers there fought tooth and nail for that strap of gold, it's the wrestlers that are making it lose it's luster.
I get it, Bronson, I get it. Put the pussy down and get in the gym, I get it.
Damn.
Well you'd better get it pretty fucking soon kid, cuz all yer gettin' from me is a kick in the ass everytime you show up back at home! Personally, I think yer getting off too easy around here.
Oh hell now, B.O.D. You know La Puta love you, that why she beat the SHIT outta yo champion and made a mess outta yo league. Who a contender? Him? Dey? You? Nah, ain' no contenders til Carlita beat La Puta. Til then we's just watchin' the wheels go roun an roun. La Puta be 1-1, but that big ol' 1 be carryin' a lot a wait cuz it be slick wit the blood a yo pussy assed champion. Buck Trundle, he a man (I reconize I los ta him), Carlita? He just a unda five minute shorts stain.
Don' be cryin', La Puta not gon leave you, cuz then what you got lef? Jus a bunch of grampas shittin; theyselves arguin' 'bout who get a shot at the paper champ while the true glory be sittin' at the feet a La Puta!
You know what I think? I think that Ebeneezer Wheezleton and his group of trained monkeys let a few loopholes and lawsuits ruin the finest fantasy wrestling league in the world.
You know what I think? I think that the folks at Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate gave me an opportunity. They gave a lot of folks a lot of opportunities and they gave a lot of fans the opportunity to see some kick-ass rasslin!
You know what else I think? I think that the only thing that matters... is an ass every 18 inches. If the Board of Directors feels that giving Black Pube and Whirling Dervish contracts will fill seats... if the Board of Directors thinks that giving Dervish a title shot will fill an arena with throngs of screaming fans... well then, I think they gotta go for it!
As for the naysayers who want to dispute the validity of the belt: If Dervish pins Stonewall, then he's beaten the best in the World. Dispute that.
Ahem, second best, Mista Ken.
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