"Who's there?"
(before you get a chance to ask again, the door is blasted off it's hinges!)
It's a home invasion! Fanstravaganza is here, baby! Straight up in yo' living room, bitch! Yeah!
Let's get to the ring! Tonight's card is jam-packed with the best matches, selected by you, the fans!
Our first match was sent in by Pammy Dinkins & Darnell Carter. It's the team of Knuckle-Bucker...Knuck Finn & The Bountyhunter Buck Lawless VS Tag Team Champs, La Puta Negra & Bronson Thunderhammer! It was a knock down, drag out, brawl...and both teams were bloodied, but when you call down the thunder, sometimes you forget about the lightning! Bronson Thunderhammer was that thunder and La Puta Negra was that lightning in a bottle, striking down Knuckle-Bucker with coordinated strikes! Tonight it was cloudy with a chance of shame for Knuckle-Bucker
Winners: Thunderhammer & Negra
Our next match was recieved from Dan Browning. He wanted to see Somebody's Dad & Carl Stonewall compete in a Coal Miner's Glove match. So, we put that heavy handed monster on a pole in the corner and let 'er rip! Stoney & Dad traded blows like two competing hurricanes! Somebody's Dad seemed to be getting one over on old Carl. He delivered a piledriver, putting him down, and went for the glove! As he climbed the pole to retrieve it, we saw La Puta Negra come out to the ramp! She has a pellet gun! As Somebody's Dad was almost to the top, reaching for the glove, she shot him from 25 yards away, right in the nuts! S.D. let out a howl and dropped from the pole! She then took another shot at the pole, and shot down the glove! After sautering down to the ring, she grabbed the glove, and punched a weakened Somebody's Dad right in the kisser, laying him out! La Puta then pulled Carl on top of him, and the ref counted the three! As Carl looked out of the ring, dazed still from the piledriver, La Puta was saying " uh-uh Papi, you mine an' mine alone, na! Me an you gon' have it out soon 'nuff! I want that ass fresh and unspoiled when I kick it mang'!"
Winner: Carl Stonewall
This next heinous match was sent in by Lil' Akhmed & Dirty Rick Turpin(Turps). It is a flaming burkha match! We soaked two burkhas in lighter fluid...one to be worn by the Whirling Dervish...The other by Serengeti Betty! Then, we made a ring of fire surrounding the ring! Whoever throws their opponent into the flames is the winner! Both wrestlers look nervous as the bell rings. Both are trying for a nice grapple hold, to control the other. Good wrestling...and lots of well placed fists and boots! Betty tries to clothesline Dervish, but he ducks it & hoists her onto his shoulders! He is appyling the patented Whirly D Airplane Spin! Round and round she goes! Betty is dizzied and stumbling as he drops her down...and Dervish dropkicks her toward the flames! Betty stumbles in the fire, and her Burkha ignites! Betty runs to the locker room as the flames grow higher! The Dervish puffs up his chest and crosses his arms acrossed it, standing silently in victory...the silent assasin, as he likes to call himself. But...Whirly D didn't realize how close he actually was standing to the flames, and HIS Burkha bursts into flames! You can hear him howling and screaming for his "MOMMY!" all the way back to the locker room! Oh well...so much for the "Silent Assasin" thing! heh heh heh...
Winner: The Whirling Dervish
Every good wrestling match tells a story, and who knows more about storytelling than the great Stan Lee...who just happened to request our next match! So, true believers, we give you Buck Trundle VS Blackpube The Pirate...in a belt against mask match! The winner takes it all, the loser takes the fall, if you will! These two tear into each other at the bell! Fur is flying, and women are crying, as these two grapplers trade pain in the ring! Blackpube reaches into his trunks at one point, and retrieves a handful of sea salt! As Buck is dazed, Pubes throws it into the eyes of the champ! As he celebrates La Puta Negra comes to the ring! She has a bouquet of Roses, and a 2x4 with her! On it is written, "FAIRPLAY". Oh no! This dispicable bitch is going to help Blackpube gain the title, and save his mask! She tells Pubes to pick up Buck and hold him. But at the last second, when Blackpube is trying to get him up for the headsplitter, La Puta brains the Pirate! Buck comes around and grabs Blackpube, as La Puta cheers him on, and drives Blackpube's face into the mat with his finisher, "The Buck Stops Here"! La Puta grabs the bouquet of roses to present to the champ, as he prepares to unmask Blackpube...just then, the lights go out!...and when they come back on, and Buck Trundle is laid out on the mat with Blackpube's mask in his hand! La Puta Negra has a baseball ball hidden in those flowers and hit a homer on Trundle! On the bat, is written, "FAIRPLAY". And who is Blackpube?...We don't know!!! La Puta has covered his face with a crusty old pair of her stained up panties! Her merry band of pick pockets and street urchins come to the ring and put his body in a box! She then puts a label on it that says "to be signed for by The Whirling Dervish", with a japanese shipping address! The urchins drag the box out the back of the arena, and leave it by the dumpster!
Winner: Buck Trundle
Sally Fingerle & Pammy Dinkins wanted to see a World Title Match tonight...but not just any title defense...They want to see the hot young upstart, Kurt Murphy get down with Cap'n Bitcheyes for the belt, and who are we to disappoint! The Cap'n makes his way to the ring, surround by beautiful ladies once again, this time they are all dresses as Hooter's waitstaff ! Didn't Sally Fingerle used to work at...oh...we see...he's mocking the girlfriend of Kurt Murphy! There is hot sauce smeared all around the mouth of the champ. He is saying something like, " These wings are as hot as my career -n-shit! And Kurt, I see why you like that Sally Finger-Me so much! These Hooter's gals are finger lickin' good mu'fucka'! ". Kurt just blows him off, and warms up in the corner with Sally. a kiss for luck, and it's on! *DING-DING* What a fight! The kid's got some spunk, taking it to the champ! He's giving it to him at every turn! It looks like Kurt has the upperhand, but The Cap'n calls for help from his ring girls! As she tries to climb up on the apron, she is met with a fist from Sally Fingerle! Damn! Kurt applies the Murph & Turf...1-2-3! Oh my god! We have a new champ! The Cap'n is a little out of it, but can't believe it! Sally runs in the ring and jumps up into her man's arms, and wraps her legs around his waist! "You did it, baby! You did it!". Kurt and Sally celebrate and trade smooches all the way back to the dressing room!
Winner: Kurt Murphy
And now for the main event, sent in by Beelzebubba...The Mark Summers Invitational Double Dare Super Challenge Match! The winner gets a shot next week at the Intercontinational Title! Our crew is setting things up right now! First our contestants must slide down the slide into the jello pool and find the flag...then they must continue on to the "Nose Knows", a giant nose filled with slime, and find the second flag. After that they must climb the rock candy mountain, go over the top and head to the "La Puta Pussyhole"...a giant wading pool filled with rancid chocolate pudding, that they must dig into and find another flag! After that it's through the spinning tunnel, and then down the fireman's pole, where they then have to figure out a math problem, open a secret door, and sprint to the finish line!
And....there off! Rocky seems to be ahead of the other two. He makes it to the nose, and is digging! Truck and Koschei catch up, and it's a three man race again! They get to the La Puta Pussyhole and attempt to find the flag...but Rocky's hole swallows him up! Where did he go? Koschei and Truck waste no time...they sprint ahead! Through the tunnel, down the pole, and face to face with a story problem! "A plane takes 6 hours to fly from San Francisco to New York, and 5 hours to return back. The airplane's airspeed is 550 miles per hour, from New York to San Francisco. The reason why it takes the airplane longer to go West than East is because of a wind with constant wind speed. What is the speed of wind. " I think I see smoke coming from Koschei's ears. The Truck's chalk is moving swiftly! Truck believes he has the answer! He sprints through the door, and on to victory! Koschei still sits at the chalkboard, looking bewildered. Harvey...tell 'em what they won! A Gibson Epiphone guitar! A Turbo Hopper Radio Controlled Car, by Tyco, A set Of Encyclopedia Britannica Encylopedias, and a shot at the Intercontinational Title! Oh Yeah!
Winner: Mick "Truck" Drivor
What a night fans! Thank You! I can't believe we have a new Champion! Somebody's Dad wanted to challenge this week, with his #1 contender spot, but we didn't allow it, because of Fanstravaganza...but if he still wants the shot next week, we'll give him first dibs. Also next week, Mick "Truck" Drivor will challenge for the Intercontinational Title against Buck Trundle! Koschei the Deathless is still staring at his chalkboard, wondering what the hell the answer is!If any of you can give me the correct answer, I'll give you 5 points! That's right! Sometimes it's about the brwan, sometimes it's about the brains! So send me those answers, and see if you can win 5 more points. Get those challenges up, and we'll bang heads again...next Wednesday!
64 comments:
Oh yes indeed, you bet your sweet bippy that I want that title shot! I'm icing up Somebody's Nuts after that last match, but rest assured, I'll be in shape to take on Kurt Murphy come hell or high water next week!
Fron the Quill-Tipped Pen of Ebeneezer Wheezleton...
As if anyone needed any proof of my accusastions, I offer you tonight's show. What was the main event? Was it a competition for the most valued, highly prized trophy in the sport? No, it was a child's game show challenge! A mockery of what this sport is all about - and the competitors are a group of curtain jerking nobodies!
Once again, Blackjack Billy has brought shame upon the so-called World's Heavyweight Championship and once again I let my proclamation ring forth thru the streets!
There is but ONE TRUE World's Heavyweight Champion, and her name doth be LA PUTA NEGRA!
Ebeneezer Wheezleton,
President in TRUST
... and speakin' of that one true champ, howzabout we tussle next week, eh Puba? We got a score ta settle, you and I. And since I'm retirin' at the end a the year, I figure I might as well rack up a tag title reign while I'm at it.
So who wants ta team up with ol' Carl and make a run at them Tag Titles? Huh? Anybody?
Holy crap, true believers! I can't believe what I've seen tonight!
You know, it reminds me of a story I wrote waaaaay back in... oh, who can remember? Anyway, it was a little story called "The Amazing Spider-Man" and it was featured in the LAST issue of Amazing Fantasy! You see, the publisher, Martin Goodman, didn't think a story about a teenage hero with the proportionate strength of a spider would ever be a success! He figured that kids thought spiders were "icky", so he let me write my story, but he put it in a book that was getting cancelled!
It's a lot like the way the Board of Directors is mistreating the World's Heavyweight Championship. That belt has a lineage that dates back to 2007 and has been held by the top stars this sport has to offer - yet time and time again, it isn't featured in the main event!
Have some motherfucking respect for your goddamn title you worthless sacks of shit! Recog-goddamn-nize! This is Stan Lee talking to you!
Excelsior!
Woo! Ice ice baby I lickee boom boom down!!! Ice papa-san package you #1 amazing title shot ooh yeah!!! No more Bitchingeyes Super Kurt have now the oh you know it so well!!!
Stanley, if you are supposed to be The Man, you are sorely lacking in several areas. What a ridiculous and unnecessary moment for such juvenile language. Profanity can be masculine but only when applied with the correct studly-ceutical dosage. You've o.d.'d brother. What a shame.
Heezus Jesus! They're called PANTS you goddamn fruit loop! What kind of curve ball you throwing here?
Yeah! Suck a dick, Stan Lee, you fucking honkey-twat mucus plug! D.C. rules anyways, dude! The only thing you ever created was a bowel movement on the comics industry! Way to go Kurt, dude! Colonel Bitchass finally eats it! Straight up, bro! Your lady friend is way fine too! Frontier Rules!
Hell yeah! Frontier rules!
HaHa! Fuck you to Hubert-fucking Q-bert! "Hey Merle, can I suck your old dirty wang in my shed?"...HaHa! Eat it old man!
Hey...what happened? I was really coming up in F.A.G.S! But you really ended my drive premature! I know that the competition is really stiff, but I think I could really be in for the long haul! Bring back the good vibrations of "California" Barry Turpin, brotha'...and together we can watch all those asses fill up those seats!
HEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oh dudes i MEAN OH DUDES ITS THE MOST RAD THING EVA!!!!!!!!! i want to thankt he board and all the fans who supported me and my manager for teaching me Focus and Persevering to my baby sally for being the most hot sexy greatest girlfriend eva!!!!!!! I FUCKING LOVE YOU BABE YOU SO ROCKED IT TONIGHT!!!!!!! and i wanna thank my ma for beleeving in me and stuff and to the Captian for wrestling good and every one for suporting in me when i was losing and all stoked and stuff cuz i won and how its better then when at the county fair i got the bottles knocked down and won the stuffed elifphant but then it fell in the mud in the parking lot but then some dude gave me a dime bag so it was cool still cuz we washed it int he garge with the hose and ma let me put it in the den! dudes i am STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKED!!!!
really guys this is so sweet! wow really i am feeling real good about this and my wrestling skills! Soneones Dad we gonna go at it and its gonna ANARCHY RULEZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!
YES! YES! That Mark Summers Double Dare Super Challenge Match RULED! It was wicked-awesome! Can we have a no rules Sesame Streetfight next?!? PLEASE! Give me what I want before I drag your soul through the muddy waters of eternal damnation, drowning you in darkness, and suffocating your salvation!
WHAAAAA! My pants are wet!
WHAAAAA! Where is my binky?
Kurt baby... I'm SO freaking proud of you! I wanted to tell you... I wanted to wait until you won the title or if you didn't win the title I was gonna tell you to cheer you up, but then I was afraid you might be mad and I didn't want you to ... Kurt, I'm pregnant!
WHAT!?!?
Well now sheeeit. Lookie here - what we got ourselves? Longest reignin' INTERCONTINASHUNAL CHAMP, that's whatcha got. Hell, Ah been holdin' this here title damn near since the season started and Ah'm still the champ. Eat it!
See, here's how it works. Ah don't need ta cheat. And if ya pay attention, Ah don't. See, Ah'm good'nuff ta beat ya with mah eyes blindfolded - But Ah like ta stretch the rules. Ah like ta bend em - not break 'em, just bend'em a little. See how much they give... but in the end, Ah don't need ta break no rules'r hit ya with no ball bat. Ah just beat ya 'cause I'm better than ya.
Who'm Ah facin' next week? Truck Drivor? Hell son, bring it on. One more steppin' stone ta skip 'cross the lake. La-de-dah.
So the stoner got the belt. I guess its better than the Elton Johnabee staining the championship with his nasty gay balls and butthole. Somebodys Dad is an old codger but I still hope he beats some sense into Kurt Murphys drug addled frontal lobe. Goddamn gritters. Always hanging out in the parking lot, ready to punch The Turps in the arm or try to scare me. Cant scare me though. Fuckers.
I wonder can anybody beat La Pupa Negro and Blunderhummer? Or is it just that no one will get close enough to them to wrestle them? Fuckers. La Pupa is a man and Blumperhumper is half the California faggot that King Kong Glory was. Have fun strapping each others belts on.
Sorry I have to go now. Im scheduled to fingerbang your mom in a half an hour.
TURPS RULEZZZZZZ!!!
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Ronson, I've forgotten more about getting pussy than you could hope to learn in a lifetime. If "The Man" wants to go off - you just better stand back, True Believer. Get your own damn soapbox.
Thomas G. Wilikers, you remind me a lot of a story I wrote a long time ago. It was about a kid who always got picked on named Peter Parker. Well, one day Peter got bitten by a radioactive spider, got cancer and died a long slow lingering death. It sucked for him and for his family.
I'll fucking cut you, bitch.
Excelsior!
Damn baby, it ain't nothin' but fat cats & ring rats, UP IN HERE! I can't bee-leave some of tha' jive-ass chicken fuckers 'round here that call themselves 'rasslers! I'm diggin' on that Captain cat, though...and La Puta Negra is a stone cold fox...like a side 'a beans with a lil' hotsauce, if ya' dig! Fuck a mutha'fuckin' Buck mutha'fuckin' TYrundle up in this bitch, though! That fool need a clock cleanin' so's he can find out what time it is, dig? I'd love to see that mutha'fucka' hickory-dickory-dockin' on down the road! Shit, mutha'fucka'...shiiiiit...
Heh heh... I like the cut of your muthafuckin' jib, if I do say so myself, Mr. Malone. How about if the Cap'n offer a little proposition?
You wanna wrestle La Puta n' shit. I wanna win some muthafuckin' gold n' get some taaaang if you know what I'm sayin'... Cap'n got the brains, you got the looks - let's make lots a money n' shit!
I propose that using the muthafuckin' leverage n' clout bestowed upon me by the Frontier Anarchy Grapplin' Syndicate, that I be allowed to chose "The Pin King" Willy Malone as my partner n' shit to go for the muthafuckin' Syndicate Tag Titles! Once, twice, three times the CHAMPION! Give me that title shot!
BLAAAOOWWW!
p.s. - fuck Carl Stonewall. Don't give him the shot n' shit. He ain't even got a partner!
p.p.s. - oh, and Kurt Murphy? Your girlfriends a skank! If the Cap'n didn't have so many other fish to fry, he'd beat you and get his title back. But it's just one more thing I have to carry to the ring. Why don't you just hold on to it for me and I'll get it back later?
Hey Stan...maybe a radioactive spider bit my balls as a teeneager...and that's why I'm such a fuckin' man! I'm like the rage & muscle of the Hulk, combined with the keen sense of Reed Richards, and the style and panache' of Tony Stark. Throw in the balls of Wolverine, and the cold heart of the Punisher, and you pretty much got me...the greatest Champion to ever lace his boots in professional fantasy videogame rasslin'...Monte Altazzar! Hall Of Famer, Living Legend, and all around great guy! Three cheers for me...Monte Altazzar! And as for you Stan, Go fuck yourself with a radioactive dildo...then you'll have a reason to be such a super pussy.
The Champ has spoken...
Man...you got a bunch of flat tires rolling through here...Rocky sukin'cockonknees...The Wilting Dickwad...These fools don't ever do anything but sit and shit! Where are they? I bet they are cowering behind their cross dressing daddy's skirt, because they sure ain't been around here! They must have heard I was coming! Ray Parker Lewis Jr.! Can't Lose! Who ya' gonna call? Me! I'm the man! I'm like a lazer, a six string razor...I got a mouth like an alligator, Jack! If we bang heads, I'm gonna rock, and your gonna roll...out...on a stretcher! Whoo!
Heh heh... OH SHNAP!
Check-check-check-check-a-check it out!
Well shit juniors, La Puta be struttin' while you bucks be ruttin'. I be spreadin' the tang while you got meat ta bang. La Puta tha shock that make yo cock go rock. I be tha P up in yo BJ, tha steam in yo cream, tha meat curtain that make you oh so certain, that you gon up and leave yo girl, for a lil' taste of this pussy, class-o-tha-world!
Shout out ta ma man Ebeneez, and to tha sexy Hammer tha make yo mamma-ries say p-p-p-pretty please!
So who I wrestlin' next week? Line up boys, maybe I even put in some effort nex week.
Hey, check out my latest post!
Fuck you, Bitcheyes!
Who wants to be Carl's partner? Who wants to sit back and relax while Carl takes on two motherfuckers and wins us some gold?
Oh, an Pin King, La Puta get all drippy jus thinkin' bout gettin' in tha ring with a fine African brother such as yoself! Any man that can wear a shirt like that got clazz ta spare. An it good to be seein' a chocolate chunk a beefcake up in here. I be startin' ta think that this be Frontier Aryan Grappling Syndicate an shit.
Carlita... Puh-leaze. You askin' who wannna fight witchou is like askin' who wanna stick they finger up yo ass.
Oh, an how you nuts feelin' Pops? Good thing I also a sharpshooter cuz that was a tiny-ass target.
Carl you got your challenge in first and it looks like you need a partner. So i am ready to go! Lets fuck these Bitches up and put some dignity back in the Tag Team Champions of the WORLD! What you say Stonewall? If you wanna go I am ready...
Well... hold on and let me see if I get any better offers, okay? I mean... well, just let me see. I reserve the right to be picky.
Hey Kurt Murphy! You knocked youre girlfiend up you stupid dickhole! Or maybe it was one of the other fiftybillion guys shes fucking?!?!
TURPS RUUULLEZZZZZ!!!
Ha ha! No one wants to be Buck Lawlesses friend! Thats because youre the Buck that Sucks!
TURPS!
Ha Ha...Fuck Ball-less got shut the fuck up! You suck Lawless...Dick, that is! HaHa!
Oh yeah...and fuck you too, Dick Slurpin! "Slurp Droolz!"...you little fucking faggot! After you were born, your mom douched with bleach for three months! Now, stop sitting on your thumb, and smelling it afterwards, and go get a fucking life, you Olan Mills picture taking, hanging on your Grandma's wall of genetic shame loser!
Ah hell na, don' go pickin' on lil' Lawless, he done no wrong ta nobody. It OK Lawless, you don' wan lose nohow. Jus go to show that Carlita need help when it come ta tacklin' this fine ass body, cuz sheeeit, we all know that Carlita can handle this on his own. Hell, not many men can handle this fine fine punani alone, thas why La Puta fuck in bunches an shit. Gots me an appetite! So you go an pick somebody that can hold you up Carlita, I gots time.
Oh, an Management. La Puta not only got tha brawn that this league be needin', she got tha brains up in here too.
Tha windspeed be 80.45 kilometers per hour, oh fo those a you bitch ass ignant "Muricans" the windspeed be 50 miles an hour up in here. That 50, bitches.
So go on an' tack up them five points fo La Puta. If nothin' else that be makin' up for me missing my first week up in here.
Carlita you a bitch, and ya'll rest be some dumb motherfuckas.
PIZZZOW!!!
Alright fuck you Carlita. How about someone that hasnt beaten your ass? Wait there aint anyone. Good fuckin luck you Douchbag! So I guess that I will have to beat the shit out of the Whizzing dipshit if he is still around and hasnt been deported, again. I wouldnt help you tag team your Mom if you begged me. And there is a pretty long list of partners for that Job. So Go fuck yourself with La Stupid Bitches dildo you over the hill piece of shit. Swirling Dervish your ass is mine next week!
DOUBLE SHNAP!!! Lawless got a bark! Maybe La Puta should see if Buck Lawless wanna help her tear up Carlita if Ol' Thunderhammer be wantin' the night off?
Was I pinned? NO. Did i tap? NO. Was I counted out? No. Was this a clean match? No. This match never ended. Good work, FAGS! I expect nothing less.
Now hold on a minute, Lawless. I didn't say I wouldn't team with you - I just said I wanted to see if there was a better partner out there. I mean, you're okay, but I just... well, it's not like you have that great of a track record and... you know, I'm retiring at the end of the year and... well, I'd just like to make sure I actually have a chance of winning.
Taking a look over the roster, ol' Carl ain't so sure there's anybody good enough to help me out. Lets see, Trundle & Drivor are booked. So is Somebody's Dad. I'll be goddamned if I team with that pirate. The Whirling Dervish quit... or was deported or... who knows? Maybe he's fighting Lawless next week. Damn, who's left? Betty? I guess that wouldn't be so bad. Shit, if we lost, I could always blame it on her... yeah! Hey Betty! You wanna be my partner?
Hey, be sure to check out my latest blog post!
im gonna be a dad? wow really man ma is gonna be so happy!!! she done said a milion times she wanted to be a grandma a few more times! and wow...
damn dudes this is some deep life shit!
i guess what a dude has to being doing is the right things now and be a Man and be Responsable and not be living in his ma's garage and stuff so i guess what i am saying is that its time i do some evaluting and sally i want to say i love you and you are totally the best girl and super smart and work hard and are smokin hot and i love you and as we are gonna be having a family its only right for me to say i want you to be my wife.
sally baby will you marry me?
Actually Mr. Stonewall, if it is victory you seek, Serengetti Betty's track record doesn't exactly speak wonders for her ability... Mr. Lawless would've been a better choice. Why, he even holds a victory over you!
Koschei the Deathless is also a proven tag champion. Perhaps he might like a measure of revenge against those who took his title?
I think Stonewall should be forced to team with Captain Bitcheyes! They're both bitches and they deserve each other!
Fuck you, Pammy Dinkins! I'll tell you who the muthafuckin' Capn's gonna take on next week - Koschei the muthafuckin' Deathless! I got a score to settle with him ever since he cost me the Tag Titles n' shit. Dumbass S.O.B.! Let's do it, Koochee!
Dear Mr. "Blackpube the Pirate"...
When it was spoken that Buck Trundle hit you with his "finisher" The Buck Stops Here...it is implied that you were indeed "finished off"...as in down for the count...done-ville...a big piece of meat with a fork sticking out of it...a.k.a....you lost, jackass. Now stop crying, you barnacle-encrusted, sailor-slurping cocksucker of the high seas. Unless you are here to make a challenge, we suggest that you just shut your piehole.
"So who wants ta team up with ol' Carl and make a run at them Tag Titles? Huh? Anybody?"...
Spoken like a true gladiator! Carl, ready to fight, makes a challenge for the belts against his nemesis, La Puta Negra & her partner Big Thunder...but then in a stroke of sheer pussy-ness, after Buck Lawless steps up to the plate, Carl turns around and says,...
"Well... hold on and let me see if I get any better offers, okay? I mean... well, just let me see. I reserve the right to be picky."
Well fuck you Carl...Homey don't play that! You will be going for the tag titles next week with your new partner...The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless! We don't cherry-pick shit around here...so I hope you two can get along.
"
Next week, so far, we have...
Carl Stonewall & The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless VS La Puta Negra & Bronson Thunderhammer - Tag Title Match
Buck Trundle VS Mick "Truck" Drivor - Intercontinational Title Match
Kurt murphy VS Somebody's Dad - World Title Match
Cap'n Bitcheyes VS Koschei The Deathless
The rest of ya'...try to get those challenges in by tonight, so we can post the finalized card for next week...
Hey fine, whatever... you know Carl. I'll take on anyone, anytime and in any sort of match. I don't like it, but whatever - I can carry that asshole to a victory if I have to.
But if we lose, it'll be his fault. Therefore, it will be the BOARD's fault. So you better hope we don't lose, 'cause ol' Carl's gonna take it outta your ass, 'Jack!
You better just stay the fuck out of my way Carla! You been hit in the head so many times you are one dumb son of a Bitch! Maybe you dont remember when I whipped your monkey ass a few weeks ago in a streetfight like the lil bitch you are. Maybe you should see if they have room at the Senior center and just retire right now you dumbfuck. I am gonna win those tag titles in spite of your decrepit worthless stinkin ass. We know Carl will take on all comers, but we aint talkin bout down on the corner suckin Dicks for money. This is a mans sport. Not a cocksucking contest. So dont get your senile ass confused and keep your mind on the match and stay the fuck out of my way!
I challenge The Whirling Dervish to a loser leaves the world match. Apparantly since he left the fed for good and suddenly appeared in Fagstravaganza, he can suddenly appear next week too.
I am loaded up and ready to Roll! I am gonna ride right into Championship town and head on out with my belt! I already tasted tag team gold and now I am about to take a singles title. So make sure you are ready Fuck Bundle your ass is about to be run over. I been to Detroit, LA, New York, Missisipi-A, Grand Canyon, Hoover Dam, West Texas, Viet Nam, Lord have mercy...
I want in on that Intercontinational Belt! I been quiet fer too long an kept outta the glory matches. I propose that the Intercontinational match be a three way dance! I been dancin' with champ-eens with nothin' ta show. THIS IS KNUCKLEBERRY FINN'S WEEK! Gimme the shot!!!
50?!! Fucking 50?!! Seriously? 50 miles per hour? Jesus. I'm going home to get stoned and rest my brain. See you next week Cap'n.
Kurt baby, I accept!
I wonder if Pammy Dinkins would be my maid of honor?
But the question remains, who'll be best man?
hmmm...that's an interesting thought, Knuck Finn. Let us ponder that a little. i'll run it by Dave Ken, and see if it is an "asses in seats" worthy move...
I bet Rick Turpin would make a great ringbearer! He could just take the pillow out of his mouth that he is always biting on, and scoot right down that aisle...that little fucking faggot!
Oh Sally! I'd love to! I'd just LOVE to! Oh my... I'm so honored!
Re: A three-way dance for the Intercontinational strap.
Since Mick Drivor couldn't draw flies if they were three-day-old corpses on the side of the road on a Texas summer day, I say we need SOMETHING to beef up that match.
Asses in seats, 'Jack. Asses in seats.
'scuse me, I meant to say "Since Mick Drivor and Knuck Finn couldn't draw flies..."
Pardon the bad grammer. It's 9am and I'm drunk.
Drunk on butt-love, you mean.
Hey there, True Believers!
You know, Bronson Thunderhammer and King Kong Glory remind me of a story I wrote once in which The Incredible Hulk and Bruce Banner were finally separated! In the end, they couldn't really live without each other, because they were like two sides of a two-headed coin.
King Kong Thunderhammer is a lot like that - two guys sharing one personality! Which one is Nature Boy Buddy Rogers and which one is Nature Boy Ric Flair? For that matter, which one is Nature Boy Buddy Landell?!?!?
Excelsior!
Well Stan, if I can fan away the cloud of dust that exhales from your ancient lungs every time you open your yap, the difference between me and Glory is that I'm the pretty one. But I can see where you could get confused about it, what with needing your diaper changed all the time cuz of your buttermilk sliders and all. Y'know Senile Believers, this reminds me of another King, Jack Kirby. No wonder you resent Glory so much, he's a King whose coat tails you can't ride on no more and now you're left with nothin' but a roadkill wig swarmed with flies and no original thoughts of your own without a King to lead ya.
Shit, at this point I'd lay odds that your daily routine includes looking at yourself in the mirror every morning for an hour while you say to yourself "I created The Fantastic Four" over and over again just to cover up the disappointment you had when you woke up and realized that you still hadn't died in your sleep yet.
Old ass zombie bastard, shut the fuck up. And Goddamn pops, change that crusty rug on top of your head. It's like someone jerked off onto a rat, let the rat die, flattened it, jerked off onto it again, put it out in the sun and then mixed it with motor oil and salt.
Excelsior Bowfuh!
Bowfuh Deez Nuts!
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