Damn! It's gettin' hot up in here! We have our 8 wrestlers for the tournament!
Kurt Murphy
Weirdbeard
Carl Stonewall
Knuck Finn
La Puta Negra
The Bounty Hunter Buck Lawless
Mick "Truck" Drivor
Koschei The Deathless
Seeding will be announce soon!
Also, We have Serengeti Betty challenging for the World Heavyweight Title against new champ, Tiger Trundle...
And a Syndicate Tag Team Title Match between The Rock-n-Roll Foundation and the champs, The Sweet-Winkle Connection
Plus, The Wedding Of Kurt & Sally!
Holy Smokes! Next week is gonna be rockin' like Dokken!
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Oh shit! Here I was, biding my muthafuckin' time waitin' to challenge Koocheee the Breathless to a cage match - and I was to late! Next time I'll have to remind my girlfriends to wake me up before noon!
Well shit, looks like the Cap'n needs ta make it happ'n. I done fucked somebody's daughter last night, might as well fuck Somebody's Dad next week!
You hear me, Dad? I'm your worst nightmare n' shit! BLAOOWW! How ya like me now?
We're baaaa-aaack! All you punk ass sissy-fied chumps around this league don't know shit about tag team wrestling! Well, school is in session, boys! The Sweet-Winkle Connection is here to bring a little class, a little sass, and muchos kicking of the ass to the tag team ranks of the Frontier Anarchy Grappling Syndicate, and we are proud to be you champs!
Did I hear that the Rock-n-Roll Foundation has already challenged us to a match? Cool, baby...cool. We are gonna take it those burnouts to the limit, and by the time we are done, they will deader than disco, daddy! You may call yourselves the "foundation" but this sport is the house that Sweet-Winkle built!
Wow. Can I also wrestle?
No Jenny. You can't.
Why do you want to wrestle, Jenny Glorpp? I thought you had enough of this business, and started your own arts & crafts booth, traveling to flea markets across the deep south, selling your wooden country signs and various other crap? Jenny Glorpp...you so crazy!
Tyler Van Leppard: Whoooo! Hey baby, you know what rocks?
Jack Halen: You and me?
TVL: Yeah, brother, we sure do - but do you know what else rocks?
JH: You and me rockin' and rollin' all over the Sweet/Winkle Connection?
TVL: That's right baby! And come next Wednesday, we're gonna do it! It's your one-way ticket to midnight, brother!
JH: Yeah, daddy!
Sweet Randy Taylor: Hey,you know who sucks cocks?
Winkin' Perry Lincoln: Carl Stonewall?
SWT: Well, that's a given, but you know who else does?
WPL: The Rock-n-Roll Foundation?
SWT: Exact-a-mundo, brotha'! These two fools might as well just paint their noses red and get a pair of size 22 shoes right now, because they are nothing but a couple of clowns!
WPL: No doubt, brotha'...no doubt! Come Wednesday, we are gonna put such a whoopin' on them that you won't be able to tell the difference between The R-n-R Foundation, and a can of smashed assholes!
SWT: I'm sweet...you're Lincoln...
WPL: We're awesome...they're stinkin'!
SWT: We ain't going anywhere, like a bad infection...
WPL: The best in the business...THE SWEET-WINKLE CONNECTION!
SWT & WPL: WHOOOOOOOOO!!!
Tyler Van Leppard: Hey, do you know who's totally unoriginal?
Jack Halen: Bush? Stone Temple Pilots?
TVL: No, brother - I ain't talkin' bout love, I'm talkin' bout the Sweet/Winkle Connection! They been bitin' our style (and biting each other someplace else) for as long as I can remember!
JH: You're right daddy! And they just did it again - but just like Van Halen and Highlander, there can be only ONE!
TVL: You got it, brother! And there's only one way to rock - and we're gonna do it all over the Sweet/Winkles faces!
SWT: Dude, The Rock-n- Roll Foundation says that we are biting THEIR style...
WPL: What style?
SWT: Exactly! The ain't got no class..
WPL: They ain't got no grace...
SWT & WPL: And come Wednesday boys, we are gonna bust all up your face!
SWT: The greatest team to ever lace boots...
WPL: We singlehandedly wrote the book on tag team wrestling!
SWT: You know it Perry...and the next chapter will be called "The rise & fall of the Rock-n-Roll Foundation"!
WPL: Yeah two paragraphs! One for each of those douchebags!
SWT: We'll get the Pulitzer...
WPL: And they'll still be "pullin theirs!"...puds that is!
SWT & WPL: WHOOOOOOOOOO!
Jack Halen: Hey brother, I heard you say you weren't talkin' bout love.
Tyler Van Leppard: You know I've heard THAT one before! But you know what else is gettin' old?
JH: The Sweet/Winkle Connection thinkin' they're all that?
TVL: Woah! The Sweet/Winkles THINKING!?! Now that IS something new! I didn't think it was possible, baby!
JH: Well it's true that you learn something new every day! And for those out there in la-la land who don't think the RnR Foundation can get the job done: we're gonna show YOU a thing or two too!
TVL: We'll put you in a stranglehold baby!
JH: And then we'll crush your face!
(on location at the local 7-11)
Store clerk: here are your bags of chips. Have a nice day.
Sweet-Winkle Connection: Thanks, Dude!
Sweet Randy: see, I told you Perry! We ARE all that and a bag of chips!
Winkin' Perry: I guess your right, Randy!
SRT: But you know who ain't nothing but a wish sandwich?
WPL: Who's that, Randy?
SRT: The Rock-n-Roll Foundation!
WPL: HAHAHA!...wait...what's a wish sandwich?
SRT: That when you have two pieces of bread, and you WISH you had some meat! HAHAHA! That's exactly what The R-n-R Foundation is...
WPL: Yeah! two pieces of plain white bread! If you're looking for the beef! Well look no further, pickle munchers! We're right here!
SRT: And when we serve up those two slackjaws up a Sweet-Winkle combo this wednesday, they'll be saying, "Damn, our eyes were bigger than our stomachs!"...
WPL: Yeah, because the Sweet-Winkles can't be finished off!
SRT: But don't worry, suckers! we'll wrap up the rest of your ass kicking in a doggie bag, so you can have the rest later!
SRT & WPL: Tag team Champions, baby! And we are SUPER-SIZED! Just ask your momma...
SRT: and your sisters too!
WPL: Randy!
SRT: What? I have a big appetite!
SRT & WPL: WHOOOOOOOO!
Damn...Somebody's Dad must really be licking Somebody's Wounds. I guess when you lose the belt, it's a long fall back down to the bottom!
By the way, Dad...Somebody's Wife's bleeding gash does not constitute a wound. you'll make yourself sick with that stuff.
Did that loser, Ricky Supercrappy...or Ronny Sukincocky...or whatever that soy sauce slurping suckwad calls himself move back to Vietnam or what? He's about as cool as one of those short sleeved collar shirts with the 360 degree dragon silkscreen! He's lost more matches than the amount of fingers that La Puta Negra can fit in her rank snatch! Maybe he is staying up too late the night before reading lame ass manga books!
Also...I heard that his mother loves to ride the Tokyo subway for all the hot chikan action she gets! What a suckee suckee-fuckee fuckee slag!
You Ladies keep flappin' your cocksuckers and go ahead and have your Slap and Tickle Match. Just make sure to keep my belt as half of the tag Champs shined up real Nice. Ill be coming to get it soon enough. Sounds like a bunch of little Chicks squawking a lot and loud, Until the Rooster shows up and puts 'em in their place!
Well. Well. Looks like Frontier Anarchy needs to bring out a new product line to stimulate interest eh? Indeed. Indeed. Perhaps we should invest some time and energy and perhaps liquid capital into this league. Indeed. Perhaps perhaps we we should should recruit recruit as well, eh?
Fruit Winkle Rock'n Rye connection beware beware.
Indeed.
Roll Down Highways with a vengance, YEAH...
Randy: Brenda Jo?...Bobbie Sue?...
Perry: no, no, no...I think it was Ellie Mae & Billy Dee...
Randy: Whatever...If ya' want to step up to the big time, and try some kind of hostile takeover of the Sweet-Winkle Connection, then we'll show you the true meaning of injecting a little capital in!
Perry: Yeah, like we'll take these gold belts and shove 'em up your punk asses! We are the CEO's of fantasy wrasslin'...and the CEO stands for CAN'T EVER OUT-DO, baby!
Randy: These fools fools don't don't know know who who their their fucking fucking with with!!
Perry: Randy!
Randy: Sorry...If you want some of the Sweet-Winkles, Jimmy Johns, then well give you an ass whipping so fast you'll freak!
Perry: Yoooouuuu said it, Brotha'!
Randy & Perry: WHOOOOOOOOO!
Well done cornering the homosexual market fellows. Indeed.
Hey muthafuckers, how 'bout keepin' it short n' sweet like the Cap'n does? Say your goddamn piece and get the fuck out. Muthafuckers is ramblin' away like muthafuckin' War n' Peace up in this bitch.
Heh heh... The Cap'n don't ALWAYS keep it short n' sweet though! Like when I'm makin' smoooooth love to the ladies up in my loft! I start out with a little Earl Grey tea to soothe 'em, and a little Marvin Gaye to move 'em... read em a passage from my book of poetry... oh shit! I don't wanna give away all my secrets! Not that it mattes - the Cap'n has a feelin' he doesn't have to worry about those Sweet Winkeys stealin' the ladies away.
Hah hah!
Randy: I guess the Captain don't know much about the Sweet-Winkle Connection! When they top hats are on and the shoes are shined up...
Perry: We're the sharp dressed men, and the ladies are lined up!
Randy: What the fuck is this fool talking about...a loft? Like a hay loft?
Perry: The farmer in the dell?
Randy: Well, the rat takes the cheese...
Perry: yeah, the Diarrhea cheese! Spewing out that mo-fo's mouth...
Randy: -n-shit!
Perry: What the hell is he a Captain of?
Randy: Who knows, but I do like that dude's style though!
Randy & Perry: Ride, Captain, Ride...upon your mystery ship! Too bad there aren't any 6 man titles in this league, because Captain Sweet-Winkle would be sailing the high seas with all the lusty wenches! We got your back Bitcheyes! WHOOOOOOOOO!
Oh, perhaps you missed the Capn's meanin'... I guess I wasn't speakin' your language n' shit.
Oh Sweet/Winkle,
please suck upon my dinkle
I'm the Cap'n and I hate
to imagine your fate
if you try to do your thing
with the Cap'n in the ring.
I just can't refrain
from sayin' what's on my brain
Listening to you makes me want to hit
you in the fuckin' face n' shit.
Shut up assholes! You're lucky nobody in this league is good enough to be my partner, or I'd steal those damn belts from you, you hornswagglin' muthafuckers!
Tyler Van Leppard: Damn! That Cap'n is rockin'
Jack Halen: In the manner of Dokken
TVL: If he had a shotgun, he'd be cockin'...
JH: And then he'd... uh... I can't even think of a word that rhymes.
TVL: Just like Alice Cooper, dude!
BOTH: RAD-I-CAAALLL!!!
JH: Hey dudes, my brother Tyler and I are gonna turn it up to 11 next week when we step in the ring with the Sweet Winkles!
TVL: You can count on that!
Randy: 73 men sailed out...
Perry: Of the SanFrancisco Bay...
Randy: got off of their ship, and here's what they had to say...
Randy & Perry: RIDE CAP'N RIDE...UPON THIS GREAT BIG DICK!
Randy: fuck you, you half assed pirate with A.D.H.D....
Perry: Yeah...and probably A.I.D.S. too!
Randy: Any port of call for the Cap'n! Captain Hooker!
Perry: Gay hooker! Mutha'fucka' is suckin' mean dick down on the boulevard! Were do you think he gets those shiny white teeth & gums!
Randy: From a flesh toothbrush, and high protien paste!
Randy & Perry: And as for the Rock-n-Bowl Damnation...It's time to take the stage...as openers for the greatest tag team to come down the pipe! You wanted the best? You got the best! THE SWEET-WINKLE CONNECTION!!!
Randy: Rock-n-Roll all night...
Perry: And party every day!!!
Randy & Perry: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I'm the Cap'n, the Cap'n
I make it happen
Catch your foot in a bear trap
and then I start slappin'
Your face n' your ears - I'll punch you inna nuts
Then I go home... and feel your sister up.
It's me, you see
The Mighty Cap'n B.
I've held ev'ry title in Frontier Anarchy!
You two are naught but fairies
intolerant of dairy
I know you'd like to suck the dick
of a guy named Larry.
Who's the red-haired ass kicker?
The original G?
Oh shit! you say!
Oh snap! No way!
Oh yes it's Captain B!
Whatever. I wish there was two of me so I could kick both your asses and get twice as much poon!
Don't forget to check out my latest blog post!
Randy: The Cap'n be rappin', & he's here to say...
Perry: he' loves fruit-booty cuz he's...
Randy & Perry: Major Gay!
Randy: cocks exploding in his ass nearly everyday...
Randy & Perry: It's like a gay porno film by Mi-chael BAY!!!
Randy: he's munching fat schlong...
Perry: with no delay!
Randy & Perry: and across his face the love gun will spray!...YEAH BOOOYEEE!
Randy: Sweet-Winkles in tha house, y'all!
Perry: doin' a mutha' fuckin' drive-by with the love gun! BOO-YAH! BLAAOOWW! How ya' like us now?!?
Randy & Perry: word to your mother...suckin...our...dicks!
PEACE! OUTTIE 5ooo, G!
Praise be to Allah if this battle-site doesn't turn into an impromptu gay poetry jam. And I do mean JAM!
Ya'll be fruitin' to tha tune a ass slappin'
Mufuckin' homos be homo butt rappin'
Tossin' in rhymes like they they tha brownest of salads
Gettin' off togetha with the cock-suck ballads
Cap'n droppin' tha rhymes like they his soiled pants
Make the Sweet Winkles do tha doggy-style felch dance
But don't you worry, help is on the way, cuz these tag team threats and the Cap'n make the Frontier fuckin GAY!
Allah be praised
Cap'n...
You marketability and presence on Frontier Anarchy has plummeted of late, no? Perhaps you need some help in polishing your image? Perhaps drop some of the theatrics and focus on... Well... How can we say this politely? Not getting your ass handed to you so often?
Perhaps if the Corporate Executives of Frontier Anarchy see fit to give us a shot in this league we could assist you in this.
Oh shit! Co-muthafuckin-bra n' shit! I'm down. God knows the Cap'n loves hisself a pyramid scheme... the three of us could form a muthafuckin' Pyramid of Darkness n' shit!
Give me a call, dudes.
Serengetti Betty, perhaps we could interest you in a contract within our fashion department. We could get you out of those Sears rags you've been teraipsing around in. We understand that your taste extends beyond your budget.
What do a couple of faggots dressed like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles know about fashion? You may buy your Champion sweatpants at Sears, and feel proud of yourself for that, but my rags are from Barney's bitches. And wash that fucking gallon of Brut off. You're making me dry heave.
Oh Betty, the only thing dry about you is, well... Gentlemen never do tell.
The Cap'n looks this good for free!
No seriously, there's this church thrift store up in Kawkawlin, and it's like $1 per bag and you can stuff as much in the bag as you want. I'm like "Oh shit! This is the place for me to be!"
Oh hey,speaking of church thrift stores n' shit, what the fuck ever happened to Somebody's Dad? He scared of the Cap'n or something? What a fuckin' punk. "Oh, I lost Somebody's Championship so I'm gonna take somebody's ball and go home!"
Drown your muthafuckin' sorrows in Schlitz light and Vantage cigarettes my friend! Come next week, the Capn'll really give you somethin' to cry about.
And that's why you're so... well, not really respected, but ... something. I don't know if people admire you, but they know who you are.
Unlike Somebody's fucking lame Dad. The true sign of a champion is how they handle defeat. I guess the truth about Somebody's Dad is that he's a sore loser and a crybaby. Somebody's Dad - I've lost a lot of fantasy respect for you.
Jay Max and Jo Bob, on the other hand - well, those guys have it all! Style, panache, fancy cars and sweet circus-lookin' outfits! And I heard that when one gets punched, the other one feels the pain! Holy crap! Kinda puts a damper on their chances of winning the tag belts, but it is really cool.
Jo Jo Dancer...your career is calling...
If you want to wrestle, then find some opponents. It may be too late for this Wednesday, but maybe the next!
And seriously...go wash off all that Brut. You two smell like a 60 year old's ballsack...
I bet Somebody's Dad is filming some B-movie gay porno version of Grand Torino, with Rocky Sukincocky!
Henderson. You have style.
And grace.
Parhaps you could benefit from a high paid position within our propaga... er...
What we mean to say, brother, is that Henderson obviously displays a talent for the spoken word. Indeed, our marketing department recruits only the best.
Mysti Rain, may we interest you in a position as well?
Brilliant, brother!
Perhaps reverse cowboy? some fine champagne, some tender veal, and a hard, hard DP?
And finally, dearest Executive Director and minions... er... staff. Might we suggest a exhibition match pitting yours truly, Jo Max and Jay Bob, against...
What say,
The "Pin King" Willy Malone and Shank Sampson?
PinShank, perhaps you could call them, or some other ghastly nomiker appropriate to the fan base.
Wonderful, brother.
You two call everyone your "brother" out of some desperate attempt at solidarity or are you just that inbred that you are actually related to these mongoloid fuckwits?
Dear, your syntax is atrocious. We believe you were speaking to us, and if so, yes we are related. Indeed we are brothers.
May we suggest Intensive Industries' "English for Savages" language courses? It has all you would ever need to present yourself properly even amongst society's elite, should you find yourself in such a position, as you find yourself now.
Well said, brother.
Tyler Van Leppard: Well let me tell ya somethin' brother!
Jack Halen: What's that dude?
TVL: It looks like the tag team ranks are really pickin' up around here! We'll already have a team to fight against after we win the titles next week!
JH: You mean Gay Bob and Blow Max?
TVL: That's right, bro!
JH: You'd think they'd be more at home lockin' up with the Sweet/Winkle Connection!
TVL: I'd think that too, but hey - when you're hot, you're hot! I'm not offended.
JH: No, not at all. In fact, it's flattering that both teams want to take a shot at us!
TVL: Just remember boys, we like ladies - so keep those holds clean and legal and ABOVE the waist!
JH: That's right, bro! Our theme song isn't "Dude Looks Like a Lady", it's "Walk Like a Man!"
TVL: And we're gonna walk ALL OVER the tag team ranks!
BOTH: WHOOOOO!
Shit. More faggots for the fire's how I sees it. Fruitnoodlery. Pure fruitnoodlery.
Tyler Van Leppard: That's what we're sayin', Knuck!
Jack Halen: Yeah, these guys are a bunch of fruit-booties!
Tubby McButters: They came from somewhere back in our long-ago...
Bigelow McPigelow: Sentimental fools! ... and what a fool believes!
Tubby: The Sweet/Winkles would like to believe they're on top for good, but it's only just a matter of time before they fall!
Bigelow: Yeah! Y'see, the Sweet Winkles are tough; there's no doubt! They're tough like shock absorvers - you push 'em and they push right back!
Tubby: But the Porkchop Express are like SUPER shock absorvers! And no land rover that's covered any expanse of terrain can compare to how much we push back!
Bigelow: Get ready for the biggest push of 'em all! The Porkchop Express is going off the rails on a crazy train!
Pardon my colloquialisms. I had assumed, given your bathetic twitter, you to be functionally illiterate and thus ought to be ignored. The "you" in the previous sentence being the plural pronoun and the statement itself being an example of the passive periphrastic--the agent expressing an implied (read passive) necessity which in this particular example is disregard.
Or in other words...
You two need to shut the fuck up already.
Tubby McButters: Now dere's a dame that looks like she wants a ride on da Porkchop Express!
Bigelow McPigelow: Yyyeeearrgghh!
Sorry boys, I'm a monorail kinda gal.
One conductor, many passengers, Miss. Betty?
Glad to see that you've already purchased our product, Miss. Betty. We are pleased to know that our marketing layouts in Target and Walmart are attracting business.
Damn! A guy takes a couple days off ta celebrate his title victry and next thing ya know, it's homo central 'round here.
Sheeeeeiiiiittt... 'taint none a mah concern. Ah'm jest here ta be the best damn World's Champion ya ever seen. Betty - you got a date with destiny this Wednesday. Don't waste it, 'cause it'll likely be the last chance you get ta roll 'round with a man.
Tubby McButters: Damn, Bigs - was dat dame makin' sport of us?
Bigelow McPigelow: I kinda tink so, Tubs!
Tubby: Well, well, well... dat's one dame dat's gonna haveta lern the hard way! I propose we give her da business!
Bigelow: You tink she deserves it?
Tubby: I do!
Bigelow: Well prepare ta meet the business end of dis here hamlike fist, bitch! Courtesy of da Porkchop Express!
Tubby: Word!
Tyler Van Leppard: Well, it's got what it takes...
Jack Halen: So tell me, bro - why can't this be love?
TVL: I think it's 'cause Betty doesn't like boys! Sorry Porkchops, she turned us down too!
JH: That's okay - there'll be plenty of "backstage Bettys" in the future, baby!
TVL: Ooooh! Ooohh! You know it! 'specially after we win those tag titles, brother!
JH: Yeah, daddy - its gonna be an ERUPTION!
TVL: It's a dream come true! And you know - for us, dreams are made of love!
JH: That's right, we belong in a world that must be strong daddy - and RIGHT NOW we've got our sights set on gold!
TVL: Rock on!
Are you guys quoting fucking HAGAR-era Van Halen? You suck!
Well said Henderson. Quoting Van Hagar? They do suck! They suck very hard indeed.
Buck, it may not be my LAST chance to roll around with a man but you may be the ONLY man I roll around with, at least in this league. These tag teams don't have to dick to share between them.
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